Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

DT has crack and rum, the rum is in the toilet bowl but it doesn't deter her.

Preg did we lose you a thread or 7 ago? Are you safe?

Hello Preg

Hi Rag I do have the toilet rum and then gin in the sink plus vodka in the bath and a bidet that supplies tequila for when we party.

I think the grapefruit gin sounds nicer, on balance so go to tope first but if you run out just get yourself sectioned and there's all this and crack here!

Can anyone send over some jam roly poly?

Thigh is DT perhaps deluded about the rum in the toilet? If she has been detained she might be and I'm concerned that she could just be drinking piss. Can you confirm the circumstances of why she is here as I honk I was on leave from thighland while that all went on

There and think obviously

Oh DT there you are! how are you doing? You're not drinking piss are you?

TT well she was sectioned because she got put in a customer facing role and shot loads of rugby balls out of her fanny. I've replaced the water system in her facility with rum and busy throwing crack and sticky toffee pudding down the chimney. Obviously.

She's fighting against being released and is prepared to stick a biro in anyone's eye if they try to make her leave.

Sounds like a normal sort of thing, I can see why she doesn't want to leave. Thanks for explaining Thigh. The rugby ball bit sounds particularly impressive and you are a kind friend with the supplying.

Has anyone commissioned you to do topiary for them after seeing your lovely vulvas?*

Did I do vulva topiary?? I don't remember that. I did this the other day though

Thigh is the best thriend a girl can have during their incarceration!

I can vouch for her thriendship and rate it 5*** on Trip Advisor.

Yes TTT it was all my evil works fault for making me work!!! My head exploded and I thought I was at my other job instead so I let rip with the Rugby Ball Trick and heard the roar of the crowd. Except it wasn't the Gentlemen's club and I was supposed to be calming an irate customer not shooting balls from my nethers at her!

The doctors came and took me on holiday where I now live.

Oooh fabulous! Could you do that in the hospital gardens so that I have some lovely things to look at when I'm gazing out the dining room window eating my sticky toffee pudding and crack?

You really shouldn't eat crack DT. Stop!

Yes you do tope, it was on BBC2 the other night - make sure they pay you. Then we can add your pay to our funds.

I think I might join you Dangly just for a couple of nights - if you don't mind? Obviously I won't visit your room but perhaps we could communicate via a "knock three times on the ceiling" sort of thing? Feeling very tired and disillusioned after 6 days of employment.

Have we covered the alphabet now that we've pooled all our shags?

Still L,Y and Z Rag.
My Luke didn't count as not a real shag.

Oh that stuff at Chelsea you mean Rag? I had forgotten about that, nobody realised it was all vulvas and arseholes!

Is your new job awful Rag?

Of course Rag we'll just communicate by telepathy and I'll show you how to work the plumbing for maximum supplies!

Oh I didn't know crack wasn't for eating Tope I thought it was like a sugar substitute!

Are you dead now DT? Or did you vom up the crack?

DT??

Are we still looking for z on the anatomy? I have zankles to offer...its like cankles, but rather more severe....

coughs pointedly to remind people to observe the protocol for communicating while dead....use the brackets peoples

(Oh sorry M3 I thought I was still alive but I sense that Tope thinks that's not possible, so I must be dead!

I wonder why the staff didn't notice my passing?

NUUUURRSE!!! )

M3 you're clever, what's a Y and Z body part. Where are your clever mates, the science honeyz? Do you play secret games together? I used to think Mornington Crescent was a secret clever game.

Good murder programme on at 10 DT Child Killer: Murder in Michigan - it's a docu series.

Just watching Most Evil now. Dr Michael Stone categorising them on a numerical scale.

I was just trying to finish off (ahem) topiary's alphabet of body parts...I didn't spot we were still missing y as well...

Surely we have 'yoni' for that though...

Love xtra big willy - that's inspired!

DT well that's a key symptom of ghosthood init? Thinking you are still alive....desperately trying to complete your unfinished business...possible shagging someone beginning with Y.

Good news is you probably have more options now you're dead and cruising the astral planes. You could take a run at Yehudi Menuhin?