Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello - this is the advice clinic, please come in. We are a team of untrained but experienced kindly Agony Aunts. There's no judgement here, even if you are a filthy, drunken old slag.

Japan there is an old trick, draw eyes on your eyelids and then snooze. Is that possible where you are?

I have no F,L,Y or Z to offer. Unless we include passionate encounters without penetration and then I have a Luke.

If we're including clinches I've got a Colin. He was a tax lawyer who came in his pants.

well this is a sorry state of affairs...I only have DJRS and S doesn't in any sense really count...he just groped me once in an electron microscopy room....

Grim.

Well sadly I could probably do the alphabet if it was unwanted sexual advances though I wouldn't know all the creepy names. I feel there would be a Colin and an Ian in those.

Grim

I forgot about boys coming in their pants Thigh, thanks for that.
Well I am at work and in an office today which is unusual for me, there are about 30 desks in this office and I am the only person here! I could just take a nap now really.

What other fun things can I do?

Come in your pants?

Rearrange stationary items into hilarious configurations, eg staplers having sex or eating other items. Or gather every item of each type and line them up in disturbing ways.

Make the most of any whiteboards. Spunking knobs are your starting point. Or just write stuff up as through you’re having some kind of brainstorming session on something vaguely work related but more crazed.

If you happen to find any table glitter of the type used for birthdays etc, blu-tack a piece to every single key of someone’s keyboard.

Leave lots of people sinister post it note messages.

Print out something hilarious from the internet and pop it up on the noticeboard. That kind of thing is good because it can take days for anyone to notice.

I’ve spent a lot of time in offices.

Cool Col Cumpants was 40 so hardly a boy.

God I don’t miss cum.

On the whiteboard work out a murder enquiry.

Wipe your arse on everything. Check for CCTV first.

I know, how do people cope?

Upload a virus.

Start a fire! Not if self employed though.

Obviously you’ve already photocopied your tiny mammaries?

Di - a - gram! Or we won't believe you.

Oh these are brilliant! Two people came in the office so I'll save these for another day.

To be clear they didn't orgasm just walked in and sat down so that I couldn't photocopy my tits or anything, bastarrds.

They haven’t orgasmed yet, but it’s only 4pm.