Childless couples

[letsgohooray]

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

@mydogisthebest sorry that wasn’t directed at you, you don’t come across as offended by it

I do think the attitude of they might cause you grief an interesting one. Anyone can cause you grief/end up in prison. Your partner/parents/ relatives etc. Of course I imagine it’s worse if it’s your kids as you’re responsible for them, but it’s not something I’ve ever considered before.

Mydogsthebest even though I disagree with your views about parents and children and how you came across as resentful, but I think the piling on about what sort of friends you have sounds a bit uncalled for.

I think it’s very possible that unlike many people, mydogsthebest doesn’t just make friends with style of people and instead befriends those from all walks of life. I have indeed known of someone who sniffed drugs, not as a direct friend but a relative of a friend. I’ve also known someone who has been in prison. I’m the sort of person that people confide in, many people don’t know about the people I heard about. Becsude their relatives won’t go sharing that news around.. I supposed mydogsthebest has a great ability to be confided in by people who have deep things they don’t want to discuss... these people stay away from judgemental people and gravitate towards those that will not judge.

I got involved in many charity and community events and it opened me up to many communities , which also means you hear more stories. My friendship group is quite varied and massive. I suppose that’s not very difficult to imagine.

Well even us childless couples don't get that much free time as a majority is taken up with working.
But I spend time doing the following:
Horse riding
Surfing
Running
Reading
Going to the movies
Going for meals
Walking
Travelling
but mainly working

I do agree that anyone in your life can cause you grief - siblings, parents, OH etc. I guess I have been lucky in that no one in my immediate family has.

I have great parents, 2 great siblings and a really great DH.

I could have had children that never did even one thing wrong but I still would have worried myself sick about them. I worried enough about my nieces and nephews - would they like school, would they have any friends, would they be bullied. Then, as they got older, would they smoke, would they take drugs, would the girls get pregnant or the boys get a girl pregnant. Then would they find work etc etc.

You get the picture. I also worry about my nieces and nephews future as I think they could be in for a rough time.

My friend that has 4 children and 16 grandchildren is ill with worry over them all. She has tried to commit suicide twice. I tell her to walk away from the worry but she can't

I really enjoy it when a thread takes a total left turn into Bee-In-Bonnetsville but posters still diligently try to answer the original question while four or five posters carry on scrapping like they're at a family wedding alongside.

Oh dear DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling you really are a nuisance.

here you go love

Now honestly there really are more cases on the web. I don’t know why you can’t possibly believe it. I made a comment I really don’t have to back it up with pages of links but because you obviously struggle with things I’ve sent you one

I’m shocked that some people don’t actually know people go to prison for non payment of council tax fines (where have you been keeping your heads buried?)

It’s not as prevalent now but lots of women were sent to prison for this in the not too distant past and also non payment of tv licence fines.

These were not criminal women, just women that couldn’t afford it.

Any hoo sorry for the derail!

Oh Femalebornandbreed you are back!

I’m shocked that some people don’t actually know people go to prison for non payment of council tax fines
maybe because some people actually pay their council tax and don't even get fined in the first place?

I shall have a look at your link, but I don't need to call you "love" like it's an insult

I really enjoy it when a thread takes a total left turn into Bee-In-Bonnetsville but posters still diligently try to answer the original question while four or five posters carry on scrapping like they're at a family wedding alongside.

See, I'd see it the other way round. Yes, the thread turns into a mad fight about council tax and knowing jailbirds, and people who appear to think that the only possibility of not being driven to suicide by your offspring being wrong'uns is to not have children at all -- but every so often someone comes along and boringly goes back to the largely forgotten OP, like someone chairing a meeting and hissing 'Can we get back to the AGENDA, now?'

Oh Femalebornandbreed you are back!

Yes. Had to do a tip run.

It’s not about fines. It’s about the assumption of some posters that they don’t hang around with criminals.Well how would you know? Lots of women got sent to prison for crimes like this. They would just look like your ordinary work colleague or mum friend.

Not all tattooed women or skin head men....

Afreet

Yes very much so!

My friend that has 4 children and 16 grandchildren is ill with worry over them all. She has tried to commit suicide twice. I tell her to walk away from the worry but she can't

Another unfortunate friend.

However, if she’s suicidal then I would suggest there are more MH issues going on than worry about her offspring.

Staying child free is a valid choice but you don’t have to justify it - well, at all - but especially by saying how suicidal it makes people and how their children and grandchildren are taking drugs and going to prison.

It’s about the assumption of some posters that they don’t hang around with criminals.Well how would you know?

Well in my industry everyone is criminal record checked and credit checked and if you have so much as a defaulted payment (or any form of criminal record), you won't get a job or you'll be sacked. So it's fairly safe to say that none of my work colleagues have secret criminal histories.

And I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if friends or family disappeared for a while to do some prison time.

So the question is.....is it the childfree more likely to associate with convicted criminals or the parents? At the moment the association seems to be restricted to one poster while the rest of us hide in our sheltered lives regardless of status.

Interesting thread. Though some classic childfree bingo to be played here - I must be one of those rare women with no kids who has very little spare time, not much disposable income and is not dashing off on foreign mini breaks every weekend

Me and DPs situation is that we both have very demanding, though still pretty lowly, jobs in the charity sector that take up a lot of time but also a lot of head space. Most of my time outside work is then spent caring for my elderly Dad who has Parkinsons and dementia. I'm surprised not to see more from people also in this boat. It has always struck me as a bit of an irony that as the childfree one of three siblings I am doing most of the parental caring, despite me not having children as I didn't want the responsibility (my siblings are amazing btw, and do what they can, I just have more availability than them and was able to be the daughter who could up sticks and move closer to where my parents live).

When work and caring duties are done there is still a house to clean, shopping, cooking, washing, gardening, all the usual home owning admin.

Don't get me wrong, we do get time for us. And when we have it we mostly spend it outside in nature, walking in the country and at the seaside, and eating out. A lot! DP and I are never short of conversation, we talk about life, death, culture, politics, or just mundane nonsense. He makes music in his spare time and I pretend to read books whilst faffing about on the Internet .

But a life of wanton freedom and money? No. Can't bloody wait for retirement. I honestly do not understand people who worry what they will do with their time. There are too many books to read, walks to be had, swims to be swum and friends to drink wine with!

Ignoring the derailing stuff, this thread has highlighted a failure of understanding that I think is quite common on this topic. Which is that a lot of people with children remember being 28 with no children, so assume life stays like that. Don't seem to quite get that non parents have also got older, got mortgages, more job responsibilities, aging parents, etc etc. We are also full adults, despite not having children. I think some people don't really believe it though, which is quite irritating.

And I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if friends or family disappeared for a while to do some prison time

What about new friends

Well in my industry everyone is criminal record checked and credit checked and if you have so much as a defaulted payment (or any form of criminal record), you won't get a job or you'll be sacked. So it's fairly safe to say that none of my work colleagues have secret criminal histories.

Spent offences don't show up on a DBS check. So you wouldn't necessarily know if someone had something in their past.

I have indeed known of someone who sniffed drugs, not as a direct friend but a relative of a friend.

OP If you spend 100% of your time on your children then you're doing it wrong.
I have 3. Also a successful career, which I do full time. I go out at least two nights a week, with friends or my husband and grandparents babysit.
We travel and the kids come along too. We have lie ins where our older ones watch the little one for an hour or two. We chat in the garden til way too late some nights.
You just have to let the children be independent. I'd never dream of giving my teenager a lift into town to meet his friends. He's capable of getting there himself.
You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, they'll be gone one day and you'll realise you've wasted years. There is nothing that any childfree people have listed that I haven't or couldn't do. You need to prioritise.

I have indeed known of someone who sniffed drugs, not as a direct friend but a relative of a friend

Hasn’t everyone done this at least once? I’m a complete goody two shoes in my late twenties, I don’t even drink, but I tried drugs at 19, Is this a big deal or something?

I get home from work and DP is already home, I'll cook and then he washes up and I hoover/iron. Then we watch something for the evening or we lay in bed. We may go for a walk or to the gym.

At weekends, he goes to the gym and I clean/catch up on work, then I make us a breakfast and we will potter about, go for drinks at the pub or talk about future plans.

It won't be like this forever so I'm enjoying it.

Exactly @Hithere12

I don't know any crims, but even I partook of my fair share of recreational class As in my early 20s.

'I know of someone who sniffed drugs' is brilliant.

Ivanapee, I think I may well be suicidal if I have 4 children and 1 of them had been in prison. Another has been arrested quite a few times. One of the girls had all her children taken into care. Out of the 16 grandchildren 1 has been in prison, 2 (at least) take drugs and have both overdosed fairly recently.

Lots of other things going on with them. It is honestly like a soap - EastEnders comes to mind.

My friend had a good upbringing and brought her children up well (or she thought she did). She has always lived in a good area, had a good job etc.

She loves her family but they are destroying her

Very strange thread

And again, Ivana, I did not say that having children makes parents suicidal. I am talking about ONE of my friends. Do you really not understand that?

I am saying it makes me more convinced that I made the right decision because how could I have known whether my children would cause me grief?

I don't need to justify our decision not to have children. It was totally right for us. We will never know if our marriage would have survived had we had children or whether we would have had angels or devils.

You can decide whether to - or not to - have children for whatever reason you so wish. It's your life.

But the risk assessment employed by mydog - not having them because because ONE of your friends is suicidal due to it - is pretty much akin to never getting in a car, because someone you know died in a road accident.