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Childless couples

470 replies

letsgohooray · 20/05/2019 20:24

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

OP posts:
poopypants · 23/05/2019 08:28

Charming...it's none of your business that the kid was ripping up your garden. How do some people think?

mydogisthebest · 23/05/2019 08:34

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances

About 30 years ago a work colleague's boyfriend went to prison. That was the first person I had heard of. Then about 5 or so years later DH's uncle went to prison. As I said, he committed suicide in there.

One of our friends has been in prison. I have 2 friends whose have sons who have been in prison. A neighbour's son is in prison at the moment.

I am talking normal everyday working class people living in pretty nice places.

ControversialFerret · 23/05/2019 08:39

It was an eye-opener! It's a shame because the Granddad (and his wife) are both really nice people and they are so embarrassed by the behaviour. But the parents (not sure who is the link whether it's son or daughter) are breathtakingly entitled. They couldn't get parked (cul de sac at the top and space is very limited), so they just left it in the middle of the road so nobody could get out!

It's so difficult to navigate and I can understand why people are discouraged from trying. I mentioned to an acquaintance at work that I was thinking of contacting a local group that co-ordinates volunteers for reading in schools. She looked completely shocked and quite genuinely said that she didn't understand why someone who didn't have children would want to go into a school to help. She didn't specifically come out and say it, but it was heavily implied that there must be something weird about someone who'd do this - God knows what she would have though if I was a bloke! I love books and reading, I like children (newsflash, not having my own doesn't mean I dislike them!) and I want to get involved in my local community. I do various bits of volunteering work and fundraising; I'm a member of a feminist group that fundraises for DV shelters, I support an independent dog rescue as a volunteer and do regular 'tin rattles' for them, and I'm just starting to get involved with our community fire station.

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Baskerville · 23/05/2019 08:50

The total UK prison population (across England, Wales, NI and Scotland) in 2018 was 83,618, 0.13% of the UK population. Surely it’s not that hard to understand that many people don’t know anyone who is or has been incarcerated personally?

I’m working class, from a big family and have a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, and I know precisely one person who was in prison for a week or so about thirty years ago, for non-payment of a fine on ideological grounds. And a retired colleague (upper-middle class Quaker) who was let off his sentence on age/illness grounds — he was arrested for a public order defence and criminal damage during a protest outside an arms fair, in his wheelchair.

HundredMilesAnHour · 23/05/2019 09:05

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances

I think this is a really weird comment. Trying to normalise criminality when actually only a small fraction of the UK population breaks the law and is punished for it.

DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 23/05/2019 09:16

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances

The only 2 people I know who have been to prison went there as volunteers to teach prisoners, does that count?

EmpressLesbianInChair · 23/05/2019 09:22

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances.

I know an ex prison officer but that’s it, as far as I know. Being a criminal isn’t meant to be a normal everyday thing though is it?

AbsoluteGonk · 23/05/2019 09:29

Does watching Orange is the New Black count?

Hithere12 · 23/05/2019 09:31

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances

Or maybe you just hang around in some not so nice circles.

Thisnamechanger · 23/05/2019 09:31

I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working

We go out a lot and have lie ins and drink a lot of tea in cafes and go surfing.

small2018 · 23/05/2019 09:37

40-yr-old Londoner here who doesn't know anyone who has been to prison, either!

twinkledag · 23/05/2019 09:40

Mostly went out drinking or went clothes shopping!!

IABUQueen · 23/05/2019 09:49

So I think it's easy to say that we should all have a stake in raising the next generation, but how does that work in practice - when even teachers are being undermined by not being supported by parents in disciplining their students?! I don't know where the balance is and to be honest adults without children can feel like they are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If I don't try and get involved then I am selfish, if I do try and get involved then I'm overstepping!

I agree. Sadly society no longer caters for the raised by a village thing.

But for me what I do is try to encourage my friends to take part in sons upbringing. Not necessarily people I’m not closed to.

Even though as a child I was raised by a village, and that included strangers. But these strangers were not suspected pedofiles or child haters or sbusers or parent underminers.. I feel the dynamics have changed and trusting s stranger is hard.

Be part of a village with your own friends if you like to

DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 23/05/2019 10:00

But for me what I do is try to encourage my friends to take part in sons upbringing.
how?!?!

I try to keep my kids out of my friends way, so they only have to deal with them if they want to, not to be polite.

I have no interest in other people's children whatsoever.

IvanaPee · 23/05/2019 10:03

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances

I mean...really? You think we’ve all had sheltered lives with no friends because we don’t hang around people who regularly go to prison?!

ChillaxingInMyKimono · 23/05/2019 10:42

Some of you must lead sheltered lives if you have NEVER known or encountered anyone who has been to prison. Or you have a very very small circle of friends and acquaintances

Oh, stop it! Grin

This is the wedding / fiancé / punch-up thread all over again.

millythepink · 23/05/2019 10:46

I don't consider myself particularly sheltered but I don't know anyone who has been in prison either. Don't know of anyone with a drug habit and I have never witnessed a physical fight. I have never sworn at my children in anger and they have never sworn at me.

Maybe I am very sheltered after all.

millythepink · 23/05/2019 10:52

I would say I have quite a large social circle too? Still in touch with several friends from school and several friends from university. Have a group of 5 girlfriends who live locally and then there's all my work colleagues. There's also the girls in my book group but knowing the jobs they do I can't see they could ever have been in prison? So, nope, absoutely no ex cons.

Do have one friend who is a magistrate and another who is a barrister, so they come into regular contact with prisoners, so does that count?

Femalebornandbreed · 23/05/2019 10:57

I know an ex prison officer but that’s it, as far as I know. Being a criminal isn’t meant to be a normal everyday thing though is it

You are aware that people were/are getting sent to prison for not being able to afford to the TV licence or council tax and its actually more women than men. Are these criminals? do you think you would know one of these mums has been in prison whilst at school pick up?

You think people that only go to prison are shaved head thugs or women with tattoo when in fact people from all walks of life enter the custodial system

But yeah I agree, some people do lead sheltered lives ..

Femalebornandbreed · 23/05/2019 11:06

Milly I’m absolutely cringing at the stealth snobbery in your posts. So what if you know barristers et al.. so do I.

My kids go to private school and I’m having a play date with spinal surgeon this weekend and you know what they swear - a lot! Also my litigation lawyer friend swears even more especially when she has a few wines in her.

I know a few people that have been in prison. Men and woman. I know one man that went to jail for life because of murder. He is now out.

It’s easy to see you’ve had a sheltered life and that’s cool, good for you but your stealth snobbery of career name dropping and non swearing claims just ground my gears this morning...

DHhasahobbyanditsnotcycling · 23/05/2019 11:15

Femalebornandbreed

we all know that prisons are full and overcrowded, and that all their "guests" have families, neighbours and possibly friends so yes, we get it, the numbers make it obvious some people do know others who have done time in prison. Even William and Harry famously do.

There is still a high majority of people who don't!

people were/are getting sent to prison for not being able to afford to the TV licence
please do tell us the actual number of people who have been sent to prison for that in the last few years, and the sources where you are getting the number from.

One of your many famous and rich and educated and posh friend is not enough of a source though Grin

Aberforthsgoat · 23/05/2019 11:16

I don’t know when the fixation about prison started but why are people seemingly so offended by the suggestion that some posters don’t know someone who has been to prison?!

IvanaPee · 23/05/2019 11:18

One poster is glad not to have children because she’s never met a parent who isn’t drowning in misery and regret, having sprogged only prisoners and drug users.

mydogisthebest · 23/05/2019 11:20

I am actually surprised that so few of you know anyone that has been in prison. Not even among work colleagues or neighbours, extended family/friends? Maybe some have been are not letting on.

I can assure you I don't mix with horrible people. We have a friend who has been in prison but we only got to know him after. He didn't tell us but another friend did which I thought was unnecessary.

One of the women I know whose son has been in prison lives in Chelsea and is a solicitor so I can assure you it's not people on benefits or living in council houses going to prison.

One of the other women whose son has been to prison more than once and has drug takers/addicts in her family lives in a posh part of Surrey.

I know the percentage of people in prison is small but, obviously, different people go in at different times so that ups the percentage overall if you see what I mean.

I honestly live an ordinary life with ordinary friends and family. I've never seen a fight and don't know what that has got to do with anything.

Baskerville · 23/05/2019 11:21

I’m having a play date with spinal surgeon this weekend

Gosh. Tell me, is this a sex thing?