My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

My exH also brought our 10yr marriage to a sleazy, rather public end.

I'm now 10yrs on again and will NEVER forget the pain and humiliation I felt at the time. BUT by god, I am SO glad he did what he did
He lives every day knowing that family know what he did and that we all keep a dignified silence for the sake of our now-teenage children who still worship him - I'm glad they do. He works hard to be a model father but he knows he really fucked up as a husband and that makes my pain and humiliation less and less every day.

No amount of challenging times ahead will ever be as bad as staying with an arrogant, egoistic sleazeball.

@WifeOfCheater keep going my darling. Even when it will sometimes feel impossible, you're making the right choice for ALL of you. ❤️

Morning Wifeofcheater, just checking in to see how you're doing - just in case you're at that point where shock is wearing off and all the practical stuff you need to do can feel a bit overwhelming

You've been incredible through this, keep going

Hope you are feeling strong this morning OP.

Disgusting
You poor woman!!! You sound like you are being pretty reasonable though

Sorry to ask but do you honestly think they didn't shag?

I would find it hard to believe x

@mrssunshinexxx I thought the same. I think there's more to come out. People sometime let a little bit of truth out at a time.

For what it's worth OP, I think you're doing great

Hi all, thank you for sticking with me!

I won't lie I'm not doing great right now. Reality is setting in that I'm a single mother. And that a week ago I was in a happy marriage. If we'd spent years working at it and exhausting ourselves to find there was nothing left I would feel differently. But it's over because of a fucking blow job. I have given so much to this marriage and our life. Including reducing my hours to 2 days a week. I don't know how I'm going to afford to live now unless Ex gives me substantial maintenance. I may just have to find somewhere else to live or have the kids give up the activities they love

My DS is a lot better but I'm now worried I'll get this bug they've had. What do single parents do when they're sick?!

Ex has the kids tonight and my friend is coming over. I really need it right now

It's going to be shit op, but it isn't shit enough to want to go back. Sending you strength x

@WifeOfCheater I'm a single parent of three, when I get sick I just have to dig deep and do my best, when I had D&V my children spent pretty much all of the day on screens.
Sometimes you have to make yourself a nest in the living room with a bucket and the TV on for the DC. You'll get through it. It's such a shock though, I get it

@WifeOfCheater you're doing so well, these are tough times and you're getting through them somehow!
When I kicked my cheating ExH out I got through it by trying to find small wins about the whole situation - eg - I got to choose what and when I'd eat, I had the whole duvet to myself, the house didn't stink of man, I had the remote control... etc.
It's amazing how quickly those small wins add up and you realise how much better you are without him.

Single parenting is the hardest but most rewarding thing I've ever done. I hope you find this too

@WifeOfCheater I am so, so sorry to hear of your situation. You deserve so much better than this! Well done for finding the strength to not take him back, it will be a hard road but you can hold your head up high and find happiness again in the future (with someone who would never betray you like he did).

My Dad cheated on my mum countless times (that we know about!) and the final straw was when he was visiting brothels. She has never looked back and is now the happiest I have seen her!

Sending lots of positive vibes and strength your way x

That few minutes of blow job sure will cost him a lot. He is going to lose everything, just for a couple of minutes pleasure. Sure hope it was worth it.

@WifeOfCheater

Remember you’re doing phenomenally well right now.

Even if you have a wobble and think “it’d be easier to stay” that’s normal. Even understandable when faced with the reality of single parenthood.

It’s been less than a week. Tonight, let yourself relax and talk to your friend. There’s time to think about finances and practicalities afterwards.

Please just be kind to yourself today. If you get D&V, their dad can take them until you’re better.

What has he said to you about it OP? Is he remorseful? Did he tell you to hurt you? Did he go looking for it? Does he really understand the pain caused?

You’re being so incredibly strong

You will get maintenance for the DCs. You may well be entitled to top up benefits. You probably will have to increase the amount you work, but in the long run having that financial independence is a good thing.

And I totally second not telling your mum unless you want to. My mum was also very much of the 'stay together at all costs' variety. When I started divorce proceedings because of my H's alcoholism and associated behaviour, her reaction was to tell me I should 'be kinder to him, then maybe he wouldn't drink so much' . She didn't stop until I told her that DDs (her beloved grandchildren) were scared of their own father. It's partly a generational thing. So stand firm, you know you're doing the right thing. Actions have consequences, let him face them.

her reaction was to tell me I should 'be kinder to him, then maybe he wouldn't drink so much'

Women blaming other women for mens behaviour is so depressing, genius stroke for men though

Incase of you getting ill I'd just have a few food bits stocked up that are easy for the kids to reach so that you are not constantly up and down making loads of food, even things like those lunchables and cartons of juice etc. Been following this thread and I've thought about it so much, it definitely makes me look at men in a different way to think they can be so loving and do that, I've even felt more paranoid with my husband this week. They literally just don't think! I don't think men have as much of an emotional connection with sex/cheating etc so that is probably why he is acting like it was 'just a blowjob' but for women it is so different for us as we look at it from every angle and have so much depth and feeling! How could he! Xxxx

From his telling you (I suspect to hurt your feelings) and his lack of effort to make things up it really looks like he'd already checked out or was thinking of ending the marriage.

Telling you was spiteful. And trying to get back with you half heartedly by text really suggests to me that he'd been thinking of it finishing.

Cowardly prick even if that's not the case.

Arya she also told me that if our dad ever cheated, she would 'try to win him back'. I told that if my H ever cheated, I'd serve him his testicles on a silver platter. My mum was a lovely person, but we didn't see eye to eye on some things. My DDs have been raised to take no shit from anyone. When I slung their father out after he threatened to kill me - his first foray into DV - that was for them as much as for me. No second chances, not when it comes to stuff like this.

@pointythings good for you. It's kind of amazing that you were raised by a woman who thought women were second best to men and still became an independent, strong woman who put some value on herself. Your kids are lucky to have you

Arya it's important for women like us to support the OP against the expectations of certain people around her (and certain people on this thread)

And honestly, OP - life as a single parent isn't that bad. There are so many upsides to being independent and being in charge of your own destiny. Financially it's tough but the tradeoffs are worth it.

Have you considered seeing a solicitor yet? File for divorce then tell your dm. Make her see its a done deal not up for discussion and she needs to support you or stay away. What time do drinks commence? We can all have one in support of you and the strength you have shown.
You rock op.

Just caught up with the thread @WifeOfCheater and I'd like to add my voice to the chorus of support - you're amazing and tough! Hang on in there - don't give head space to the little wank badger, you can do this. And we'll be around on here to support you for as long as you need us to, as a PP said we're not all just here for the drama. and for you

You enjoy every last drop of that gin tonight, you've earned it. Things will feel overwhelmingly tough to start with, but just take it little steps at a time. It must have been a huge shock for you so don't be surprised if you are all over the place for a few weeks/months. But you have already shown enough resilience to get through it

As a rule I can’t stand those silly cringe Facebook posts but I just saw this and it seems apt for the op -