My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

Wow ....leave as soon as ur able what a piece of crap

I’m amazed by your strength OP. I don’t think I would have had such self control. Amazing woman!

Just wanted to add support for you op and all the other posters who have been through such terrible betrayal.

Do you actually have to tell your Mum just yet? Couldn’t you leave it a while?

She will be horrified that I've kicked him out, she'll probably be pleased that my relationship is now as officially shitty as hers

I would hope that deep down she will be pleased and proud that you are stronger than she is and have kicked him out. Your relationship is better than hers because you are no longer a couple and are now just coparents and will be respected for the fact you made that decision. Your children will also grow up to understand the consequences of being unfaithful.

Another poster who just wanted to say you're amazing.

Also as a side note my Exh said exactly the same as yours in that he asked me not to tell anyone as it was too shameful for me. He wanted me to tell people I'd ended the marriage. He was quite upset when I didn't take his friendly advice.

You are admirably strong in every way - tell people in your own time and don’t make any compromise you are not happy with.

Some of the responses on this thread could be an ode to misogyny. Chiming in again to say im still following this thread and still uber impressed with your strength dignity and self respect OP.

Just adding support Wife
I despair at these selfish men. What an absolute wanker. You sound amazing.

My ex was desperate for me not to tell people too. He and ow made themselves look really ridiculous to people as she conceived approx 2 months before we split and found out the week after I kicked him out. They tried telling everyone that she had conceived the week we split, which of course at a certain point it becomes obvious that's bullshit!

They even went as far as to try and claim to me and several others that the 8.5lb perfectly healthy baby was premature!

I've had some...interesting conversations with ex since - funnily enough mainly when he was pissed! Where he's admitted he wanted people to think I was the bad guy leaving him for no good reason. That at one point even his own dad said to him to stop being a prat and admit it!

His behaviour was so out of character at the time that his family and close friends were genuinely concerned there was a medical cause.

He's changed so much I've had HIS Parents say to ME they don't recognise him! That they feel like they're dealing with a stranger. So weird.

JuniFora - what a load of tripe! Men are not oppressed or victimised the way women are - generally speaking. In this situation the OP'S dh very much behaved like a predatory creep! I've an 18 yr old dd and she and her friends would absolutely consider him a predatory creep, indeed any man over 30 who tries it on when they're on nights out is seen that way!

And people will NOT be laughing at op. They'll be shocked at his behaviour and seeing him as a borderline molestor!

Your deep misogyny and ignorance is showing!

"No, they'll be laughing at him. Don't judge everyone else's standards by the shitty friends you must have. I'll tell who I want because I've done nothing wrong and I don't see why I should keep his secret." Perfect response op

"There has been an increase in women crying rape as well let’s not forget." Bullshit! False accusations of rape are incredibly rare, not guilty =/= innocent! It's bloody hard to get a rape conviction doesn't mean it didn't happen

Your mum may surprise you, I felt similarly (my mums in an abusive relationship but doesn't believe in divorce basically) she actually said to me at the time and since that she admires me for having the strength to walk away.

You're awesome op, but if/when you hit a crash/have doubts don't be afraid to come here for support, even if you do so under a name change.

How are people arguing that he was too drunk to consent when not even the OP "D"H is trying that one and he clearly wasn't as he was capable of face timing the OP, saying no to going back to the girls house, getting a taxi home etc? Fucking misogynistic idiots

OP, you're handling this with so much class and dignity. Can't believe your husband had the nerve to get snotty with you for telling people, how fucking dare he

Fuck me I can't believe some of the things I'm reading here

You must be feeling really overwhelmed by all this. All I would say is, try not to think too far ahead. Get through each day one day at a time. Today you and kids are at home and fine and he isn't there. Great, tick. Don't worry about what comes next right now - there's time for that. That's what got me through.

It gets easier.

You are amazing and what the world needs. Your kids are so lucky to have you. The man you end up with, if you choose to, will be so lucky to have you.

Keep going.

Xx

Just wanted to add my support too OP. You are handling this so well, and he will come out of all of this looking like a fucking idiot, and you can hold your head up high, knowing you are too good to put up with his sickening behaviour. He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve anyone. You will be an inspiration to other women how find this thread in years to come, and hopefully give them the strength and courage to realise they don't have to stay with someone who treats them with such little disrespect. Your children will see your strength shining through and when they're old enough to understand what happened, they'll think you're incredible. I'm speaking from experience of my own mum btw, and and so thankful, she put herself and us first and showed us that women don't have to put up and shut up. X

How are you today, OP? Is your son feeling any better?

OP by valuing yourself and not being prepared to put up with such horrible behaviour from someone who porports to love you 'above all others' you are showing your children how to value themselves too, you are showing that to stand by your own moral compass and principles makes you strong, independent and worthy of respect - hold your head up and crack on - be prepared for unhappiness in the short term and pride over the rest of your life that you are not a walkover! good luck

You can tell your mother in your own time.

If she does react the way you expect, see it as her having to react that way. Chances are that deep down she will envy your strength and the level of respect you expect from a partner. She was never strong enough to do what you did, she's in a miserable relationship that she hasn't the balls to leave. She may never admit it because doing so means that her lifelong choices were wrong.

The only thing you have in common with her is that you both married cheaters. She's still with hers, you have no intention of following her down that path. You are brimming with self respect, she has none.

You may find your mum might be supportive. My mum stayed in a relationship she wasnt happy with, and we were complete opposites. When I told her I was getting a divorce, I thought she’d be horrendous, but actually she was a complete rock for me.

Good luck op and I’m behind you 100%

You are so strong. Real role model

I am so sorry to hear this. And the people in your life who love you will understand your emotions but please know the shame is all his. I'd certainly kick him out at least whilst you sort through your emotions and work out how you want to proceed. It's good that you are close to the in laws, they can at least support you as well as their dickhead of a son. Much love to you.

I just want to add my support - you are unbelievably strong and have been acted with integrity throughout. You are, in my opinion, 100% right up to kick him out- you will look back at the sorry excuse of a 'husband' in years to come and feel only relief! Keep on keeping on - we're all rooting for you!

How are you doing @WifeOfCheater ?

Hope you're doing okay today. Stay strong. You've got this

I don’t think your relationship is anything like your mothers shitty relationship .

You have kicked him out and no relationship is better than a shitty one.

I really admire you. The next few months will be stressful and very tough, but infinitely better than spending anymore time with a man you can't trust and can't respect. Staying with a man like that would make you die a tiny bit inside every day.