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Original poster

My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
DoctorDread · 15/05/2019 16:14

My son is 17. He thinks he knows everything. He thinks he is mature and grown up and in some ways he is. BUT He is also still young, naive, idealistic and a bit 'black and white' in his thinking. And no doubt quite easily manipulated. If a mature married woman beyond twice his age flirted with him through the course of an evening, and then tried to perform oral sex on him in public yes, I would consider her to be predatory. Because as a op said, as fully fledged adults, we have a moral duty NOT to exploit or manipulate those younger or more vulnerable than ourselves - that goes for women as well as men. But it's about the context not the sex. The young girl in this situation may have flirted. She may have thought this was what she wanted in her drunken state. She may have felt she was being empowered or somehow daring. But ultimately she is 17 and still young, naive and easily exploited and manipulated. The fact of the matter is, that the OP's husband was married and a mature adult and regardless of how enthusiastic she may (or may not) have been to perform this act, HE SHOULD HAVE SAID NO. she didn't overpower him or force him to perform. He actively and willingly engaged in the act. He was not coerced or manipulated. The balance of power was firmly in his grasp, and no amount of 'i was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing' etc etc can change the fact that he could have and should have walked away and not stuck his cock in her mouth.

IvanaPee · 15/05/2019 16:41

@DoctorDread 👏👏👏👏👏

Alicatz66 · 15/05/2019 16:45

Don't drink any gin ... you need to keep emotional control here.. and logic .. and you will wake up feeling so sad tomorrow.. worse than ever .. xxx

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Relationship problems
TheWeeMacGregors · 15/05/2019 17:23

I think if you want some gin you should have some gin.

AryaStarkWolf · 15/05/2019 17:26

I think if you want some gin you should have some gin.

X 2

IvanaPee · 15/05/2019 17:29

For fuck sake! Drink your gin, OP.

Pinkyyy · 15/05/2019 17:31

I think you should have extra gin.

CherryPlum · 15/05/2019 17:31

OP you are fantastic, if this thread could be nominated as a mumsnet classic on 'how to deal with twat of a husband' then you'd be top of the list.

It must be horrible for you that he doesn't seem bothered. I'm wondering whether it's because he knows that he's made the biggest fuck up ever and that there's no coming back from it, and therefore nothing he can say to make things better. He's also probably got his mother soothing his feelings and telling him it'll all be fine in the end and not to worry.

lotusbiscuit · 15/05/2019 17:33

turn it around
older female, 17 yr male.

'I went out last night and feel so ashamed and full of remorse and self loathing. I was very drunk, I hardly ever got out and we were downing the shots. I was and flirting with a young man, he said he was 17. I'm 34. He was coming on to me very strong. I pushed him away more then once as he got very amorous. We were both very drunk. I can't remember exactly what happened as I was so out of it but I do have some hazy recollection that later that evening that he performed a sexual act on me down an alley way.

I was so guilty I told my husband - there was no way I could keep it from him, it was my fault, I should not have got drunk, I should have had more self control and we were flirting, it was supposed to be a bit of harmless fun. Of course my husband has thrown me out and I can't defend myself, I can't even speak to him or try to explain because it is all my fault, I'm the adult and should have said no louder or pushed him away.

DoctorDread · 15/05/2019 17:34

Seriously if you can't drink gin now, when can you??

DoctorDread · 15/05/2019 17:35

What's your point lotus?

DoctorDread · 15/05/2019 17:36

Except he wasn't hazy about the details. He FaceTimed her straight away!!!

BettysLeftTentacle · 15/05/2019 17:36

I’ve only been happy during and after drinking gin Hmm

Of course drink the bloody gin OP!!!

Original poster
WifeOfCheater · 15/05/2019 17:53

Well gin is off the table - I now have a sick DS 😩 so he's staying with me tonight, DD has gone to MIL's, and gin night is being postponed until Friday.

This thread has strangely brought up some bizarre sexual politics, but can I just say this - the whole "but of women can't consent when drunk then neither can men!" line is used time and again by MRA's to excuse rape and sexual violence towards women. It's also a rhetoric peppered with flaws - my rule of thumb is whoever is doing the penetrating has the upper hand when it comes to consent. Please don't use my thread and my situation to perpetuate that teenage school girls are predatory to middle aged men.

And judging by the fact he FaceTimed me, came home and confessed I'm guessing he was in a fit state to consent to the blow job that has ruined our marriage

OP posts:
Original poster
WifeOfCheater · 15/05/2019 17:57

lotus men and women are not on an even keel when it comes to these sexual situations. You're comparing apples and oranges and TBH it sounds like a thinly veiled attempt and making me look unreasonable.

I have text MIL asking if she knows if Ex is looking at houses - not my problem I know but the kids are gonna have to visit him somewhere at some point - he's in complete denial that this split is permanent apparently. I'm actually upset now that he thinks so little of me in that he's obviously thinking "Silly bugger, she'll come to her senses soon enough, meanwhile I'll get treated like a king at mums and have a break from everyone while I lay low". He's very arrogant and won't for even a nanosecond think I will follow through with a divorce.

OP posts:
DoctorDread · 15/05/2019 18:05

Agreed OP. Sorry about poorly DS. ☹️

IvanaPee · 15/05/2019 18:20

Sorry about your ds, Wife. And that your ex-dh continued to be a raging thunder cunt.

Any feedback from his friends who were there?

Original poster
WifeOfCheater · 15/05/2019 18:23

I thing Ivana but TBH they're total knuckleheads who probably think it's funny.

Although he's friends with the husband of my friend who was supposed to be coming over tonight, and my friend has told her husband. Who has obviously called or text Ex. Because I got a snooty text from Ex before asking why we can't keep this business between us Hmm

OP posts:
AllFourOfThem · 15/05/2019 18:24

I’m sorry, OP. Flowers

IvanaPee · 15/05/2019 18:29

Because I got a snooty text from Ex before asking why we can't keep this business between us

Aw, doesn’t want people knowing his business huh? Guess he should have thought of that.

How will he play the victim if people know the truth?! Prick.

IvanaPee · 15/05/2019 18:29

I hope you told him to fuck off!

SignedUpJust4This · 15/05/2019 18:31

Oh now he wants privacy? Dickhead

DoctorDread · 15/05/2019 18:31

Because I got a snooty text from Ex before asking why we can't keep this business between us?

TWAT

🙄

CostanzaG · 15/05/2019 18:31

Of course he doesn't want you to tell people. That way it's you that looks unreasonable for kicking him out.

Tell everyone - I wish I had when I was in a similar situation.

Wrybread · 15/05/2019 18:33

Ah yes, the "I wasn't ashamed enough to not cheat, but you should be ashamed to tell people" move Hmm

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