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Original poster

My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/05/2019 22:35

If OP wanted to take her time and discuss it with her husband and the people responding were all urging her not to do that but to kick him out, you might have a point, HowardSpring.

But OP is very clear what she wants to do and (barring a couple of notable exceptions) everyone is supporting her in HER decision.

babyno5 · 14/05/2019 22:38

@WifeOfCheater I'm glad you've confided in a friend. Try to eat I know it's hard. It does get better I promise you. It's really early days. You will be happy again-on your own. You will also likely meet someone although I know it's the last thing on your mind right now!!
I got divorced after having 3 children and though my baby days were over but a few years down the line I met someone. We've been together 16 years and had another 2 children together.
Guess what I'm saying is you don't know what your future holds.
You've been so incredibly strong so far but you will feel grief. Be kind to yourself and don't bottle it up.
Sending hugs xxxx💐💐

Original poster
WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 22:38

I know I have never experienced him having a proper, emotional affair where he falls in love with someone else, but I like to think I could see the point of talking then. Finding out what went wrong, how he ended up getting feelings for another woman. But what could we possibly discuss about a blow job down the side of a shop?

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
babyno5 · 14/05/2019 22:41

@WifeOfCheater I think any discussion just has to be about practical arrangements.
There is no excuse or justification for what he's done xxx

NorthernRunner · 14/05/2019 22:53

I agree with you wife what is there to discuss??...you are entitled to feel how you do, and it’s vital you think of yourself right now.

wineformetoday · 14/05/2019 22:53

My now ex husband cheated on me on our wedding night with a woman who was 13 years younger than meGrinI can laugh now, but at the time I had no clue and found out 8 months after. Just wish I knew what a tramp he was before hand. Would of saved a piss load of money. It gets better. Trust me

Propertywoes · 14/05/2019 22:58

You're incredibly strong although it might not feel like it. Show your children that you don't have to be a doormat.

FiremanKing · 14/05/2019 23:16

But what could we possibly discuss about a blow job down the side of a shop?

AND the added cruelty of telling you!

Why on earth did he tell you? I don’t believe he did so because he was drunk. I think he wanted to make you feel jealous, hence the woman in question being much younger than you. I actually think it wasn’t a young woman at all, probably some rough old bird dressed like a teenager!

justilou1 · 15/05/2019 01:06

Either way, emotional or physical, it’s a betrayal that only the OP knows if she can come back from or not. It’s her boundaries, not anyone else’s. I know my own lines in the sand, and to me they’re very black and white. (And spelled out in VERY small words to DH so there is no room for them to be misinterpreted.)

RiversDisguise · 15/05/2019 02:05

There's nothing to discuss

You're great, OP

shiveringtimber · 15/05/2019 02:33

rough old bird dressed like a teenager!Grin

Cocobean30 · 15/05/2019 08:48

OP I promise it will get better, and when this is all over you can focus on the future and you will find someone you deserve xx

HowardSpring · 15/05/2019 09:17

ThatCurlyGirl and OP

I am not saying talk about it. I did not at any point say that.
I did not say I would take a husband back either (hypothetical anyway)

I said my decision would not have been the same as OP's - which is a different thing and dependent on circumstances.

I said that I hope the OP has real life support from people who know her and her family. That is what counts. We'll all be bored by next Wednesday and have moved on to something else.

I am just very aware of the consequences and of the need for a cool head. My concern is with the "support" which is actually not what it seems. However - if the thread has helped the OP then that is all to the good.

Xxyw · 15/05/2019 09:20

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purplelass · 15/05/2019 09:29

he still loves you
Yeah, he made that obvious with his actions...

maybe we should consider the young girl here the predator. Haven’t you seen: The Firm
Yeah, poor defenceless man being dragged outside for a BJ, she must have held a gun to his head or something

find me any man, married or not, that wouldn’t be tempted.
Every man would be tempted to some degree I should imagine. The good ones still wouldn't go ahead

this dumb smuck probably was halfway into the deed before he even realised what he was doing.
Stop making him the victim here. He knew what he was doing enough to facetime OP afterwards

ReganSomerset · 15/05/2019 09:30

The young girl is the predator here

I have no words.

Benes · 15/05/2019 09:35

We’re All tempted all the time. It’s the nature of us dumb men

Maybe it's your dumb nature but i know lots of men who have the ability to say no - drunk or not.

The young girl is the predator here

No - just no.

LindaLa · 15/05/2019 09:36

@Xxyw

FFS. The young girl is a predator?
She forced him to get his cock out and put it in her mouth.
Poor man. He is the victim here.
Bless him.

Are you upset you're having to sleep at mummy's? Or are you mummy?

SelfIdentifyingAsAnonymous · 15/05/2019 09:39

The young girl is the predator here

Ffs. What an absolutely cretinous thing to say. Are you very, very stupid?

OP you sound strong and amazing. I think you’re doing the right thing.

I can’t really understand why he told you. Was it to make you jealous? It almost sounded like boasting. As if you were his mate and he was expecting you to say ‘get in son!’ or something.

StealthPolarBear · 15/05/2019 09:40

In fairness to the op's husband, even he's not trying out some of the crappy fictional excuses some idiots on here are coming out with.

alligatorsmile · 15/05/2019 09:44

Been thinking about you overnight, OP, I hope you're finding some RL support and are getting through it, even if it's just an hour at a time.

I don't think that all men are mindless beasts. I think that most men would be flattered, maybe, by thinking they could pull a teenager, but would have the grace, strength of character, and genuine love for their partner to not even consider such a seedy act as a viable proposition. You can't excuse this by saying "Men are like that", because most men are not selfish arseholes who want to re-arrange the marriage vows to suit them.

ThatCurlyGirl · 15/05/2019 09:45

@Xxyw

maybe we should consider the young girl here the predator. Haven’t you seen: The Firm
- find me any man, married or not, that wouldn’t be tempted. We’re All tempted all the time. It’s the nature of us dumb men. Given a few beers to soften him up, this dumb smuck probably was halfway into the deed before he even realised what he was doing.
In summary: of course he’s in the wrong. He still loves you. The young girl is the predator here

I genuinely can't decide who you're doing a greater disservice to there, men or women.

The girls a predator? At 17? Don't be so ridiculous. She giving a blowie down an alley to some average Joe, she's not working the system with sex favours to get a high paying city job out of it. She been used and forgotten about as far as OPs partner is concerned.

I feel so sorry for whatever has led that girl to this place, in conjunction with my sadness for OP. Even OP can see this, she's been gracious and kind about the girl.

I probably can't find a man (or woman) who will never be tempted, I agree. But I can find you fuckloads who don't act on these temptations when in a relationship.

See? It's quite simple really. It's called love, empathy and self control. Grow up, pretending men can't control themselves.

Oh and and the beers didn't soften him up, they did the opposite presumably.

JacquesHammer · 15/05/2019 09:46

Look. Of course what he did was wrong. But let me spell out a few things that seem obvious to me

Oh good - do shade HOW you have such an insight?

he still loves you

He may well. Does getting a cheap suck down the side of a shop really say that though?

maybe we should consider the young girl here the predator. Haven’t you seen: The Firm

Just no. Misogynistic shit.

find me any man, married or not, that wouldn’t be tempted. We’re All tempted all the time. It’s the nature of us dumb men. Given a few beers to soften him up, this dumb smuck probably was halfway into the deed before he even realised what he was doing

Aw the poor menz.

In summary: of course he’s in the wrong. He still loves you. The young girl is the predator here

In summary I’ve cheated on my partner and I therefore don’t have an issue with it?

Jinglejanglefish · 15/05/2019 10:17

The young girl was the predator 😂 do you say the same when teachers run away with school girls cos they're in 'love'?

AryaStarkWolf · 15/05/2019 10:18

Xxyw

So basically we're at the men have no control over their penis shit? That's really insulting to decent men actually.