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My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
NorthernRunner · 14/05/2019 19:04

Oh Op, you are doing amazingly well. I’ve been thinking of you all day x

BettysLeftTentacle · 14/05/2019 19:11

I came backt o check in. I still think you should not throw your marriage away over one mistake.

Stop pushing your disgustingly low standards on other people FFS

thinkingcapon · 14/05/2019 19:12

Op I wish you were my friend....I love how you're dealing with this. Take each hour as it comes , you've every right to fucking hate him right now x
A bunch of strangers are all right behind you x

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StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2019 19:18

He doesn't get to set any timescales or the agenda. You do.

NamelessGem · 14/05/2019 19:38

Is getoffmycloud the Ops Husbands ???? Get t’fuck

Erythronium · 14/05/2019 20:07

What exactly would the OP talk to him about? Was it a good blowjob? There's nothing to say, he already said it all when he admitted being unfaithful.

SuziQ10 · 14/05/2019 20:17

Thank you op for being a strong woman and not putting up with a cheating husband. Following your thread and wishing you well.
Hats off to you -

Ratatatouille · 14/05/2019 20:31

I came backt o check in. I still think you should not throw your marriage away over one mistake. What happened to " For better or worse"
Talk to him.

@Getoffamycloud are you for real referencing marriage vows in defence of an adulterer?? Talk about face palm 🤦🏼‍♀️

What happened to "forsaking all others"??

PJMasksAreOnTheirWay · 14/05/2019 20:51

What happened to " For better or worse

Maybe, just maybe we should be asking the DH this, seeing as he's the one who fucking cheated!!!

Christ on a bike, why do some people think women should just put up with this shit Angry

The OP didn’t break her vows!

NoParticularPattern · 14/05/2019 21:46

What happened to “for better or worse”?! Are you for fucking real?! What about “forsaking all others be faithful to her”, “honour and keep her”, “love and cherish”, “til death do us part, as long as we both shall live”?!

Why in hell does he get to be the one to cast aside his vows yet the OP is encouraged to stick by hers? Get some bloody self respect. Nowhere in the bible or any other holy or religious text does it say that women should put up with this sort of shit. In fact I’m fairly certain it’s covered by at least one of the 10 commandments too.

HowardSpring · 14/05/2019 21:54

Good luck OP. You have made your decision. It wouldn't have been mine but different people have different ways of looking at things.

Easy to get swept along with the crowd on here who are supportive, yes, but MN likes a drama and "leave" is more exciting than "talk about it".

I hope that you have lots of RL support from people who actually know you and can be on your side through the difficult months ahead.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/05/2019 21:55

My DM, who is a lifelong and devout Christian, says that it's the one who breaks their vows who is responsible for the breakdown of a marriage.

WifeOfCheater may be the one who will instigate a divorce but the responsibility for that divorce lies squarely on her DH's shoulders.

TLDR? Getoffamycloud? ODFOD.

wildcherries · 14/05/2019 21:58

Talk about it? He went down an alleyway with a teenager FFS. What is there to talk about after that? It doesn't matter why he did it. It matters that he did it, and then FaceTimed the OP to tell her he did.

HowardSpring · 14/05/2019 22:12

I'm not suggesting they talk - I am just saying that MN always loves a drama.

I don't know the OP or her family. I don't have an opinion either way on what she should do - as long as it is right for her. My point is more about the "support".

VampireSlayer19 · 14/05/2019 22:12

Oh OP how awful, stay strong this is all his fault!

WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 22:16

He wasn't thinking of "for better or for worse" when he was getting a blow job off a teenager was he?

I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, picturing it. I haven't eaten anything, except the odd crisp. I feel completely numb. Fuck me I hope this gets better.

OP posts:
WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 22:17

For those who've asked I texted a friend today, she's gonna see if she can get a sitter and come round tomorrow. I've agreed to send the children to MILs for the night. They haven't actually asked where their dad is!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2019 22:18

Please make yourself some cheese or toast or something easy

ThatCurlyGirl · 14/05/2019 22:26

@HowardSpring

I don't like the drama that follows a huge betrayal and I DEFINITELY don't fucking like men who get blowies in alleys especially by young women of a vulnerable age.

This support is entirely supportive to the OP being strong and decisive. That's fantastic and shows great solidarity between women, whether they've experienced this too or not.

He fucked up. HE threw away the trust and respect in the relationship.

If you'd stay that's fine, if you think you'd ever trust them again that's fine, if you'd respect them again and feel
Respected by them again that's fine.

But it isn't your husband getting a blowie in alleyway is it? So don't assume people are being swept in the crowd just because the all very strongly agree with each other.

We agree someone shouldn't throw the rest of their life away with a partner who has done something so utterly vile.

ThatCurlyGirl · 14/05/2019 22:27

Just because *they all

WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 22:30

We were talking about having a third baby once we had a bit more money in savings again. It sounds daft given everything that's happened but I'm upset that will never happen Sad I feel like he's ruined every little aspect of my life. For a blow job Angry

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 14/05/2019 22:30

Please eat, it helps keep everything functioning including your brain - so you're helping yourself combat what's going on at the moment. Try...

Bowl of cereal?

Chunk of cheese?

Anything on toast?

Make something, try it and if you can't face it then take it to your bedroom with you when you go to sleep so you can make the most of any hunger pangs and wolf it down overnight.

WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 22:31

I promise to go and have some Coco Pops before I got to bed Smile

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 14/05/2019 22:33

Oh sweetheart just saw your post. Imagine one day you might have a third baby with someone who worships the ground you walk on and would NEVER do something so disrespectful and gross. They'll all have a brilliant mum no matter what.

I've had your situation pop into my head today and grimaced on your behalf, I just cannot imagine how fucking awful you must be feeling. And that bastard is solely responsible for that.

Please don't stop eating and let yourself get ill, reserve your strength to help you through all this xx

ThatCurlyGirl · 14/05/2019 22:35

Yesss. May I recommend your dinner for tomorrow? I call it schooldays plate. When I'm sad I have potato smileys, spaghetti hoops, nuggets and ketchup. It's like having a mum dinner made for you. Five stars from me :) xxx

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