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My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 13:36

Thank you everyone I'm not too bad I'm working today so that takes my mind off things. He came over this morning to grab some things and wants to talk things over. I've said I need time to process anything. I'm still furious, I feel violently angry and the anger isn't getting better with time

OP posts:
Swimsuitbod · 14/05/2019 13:39

I'm sure he does want to talk! But it is not up to him anymore is it! What a horrible man. Poor you OP.

Definitely take all the time in the world OP. Don't feel pressured into meeting him at any point. I'd give it a good while.

In the meantime have you found a friend to confide in?

WifeOfCheater · 14/05/2019 13:40

To be clear I have no intention of taking him back - I just want to make everything as painless as possible

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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QueenOfTheCroneAge · 14/05/2019 13:41

Tell him to leave you alone for as long as it takes. He just wants to carry on like it never happened, with you going "Tut! men eh?"

Nicecupofcoco · 14/05/2019 13:48

Op, I've read the thread and I'm so sorry, what an arse for treating you that way, you truely deserve so much more! You seem very strong and seem to be handling it all amazingly well! Keep going with it all! He's a waste of space! Flowers

FiremanKing · 14/05/2019 14:45

Stay strong. This horrible time will pass and calmer seas will be ahead.

woolduvet · 14/05/2019 14:53

Is he going to say it was all a bad joke, no he didn't have a sexual encounter with a teenager that he seems to have put quite a lot of planning into.
No, then you're still at your mums.

cuppycakey · 14/05/2019 15:05

Can you box up all his shit and send to his mums/drop it off so he doesn't have to keep coming over?

Sexnotgender · 14/05/2019 15:51

Did you manage to speak to his mum yesterday?

LeopardPrintKnickers · 14/05/2019 15:54

OP, you're an utter inspiration. Keep on trucking, you're doing brilliantly but do be prepared for when the adrenaline and shock wears off as you'll wobble emotionally. Other than your MIL, can you talk this through with anyone in real life who can help you?

ANiceLuxury · 14/05/2019 16:12

I can’t believe how dismissive of it he is.

He expects you to forget about it. What planet is he on?

thaegumathteth · 14/05/2019 16:13

Hold onto that hate - refer back to this thread if / when you think about trying with him.

I had a boyfriend once, he called me on a night out to tell me how much he loved me etc - one of his mates walked past and commented on the blonde he’d been kissing earlier. Made me wonder how many other times it’d happened tbh and I was just ‘lucky’ to find out that time.

Why would he even tell you her age? I find that very odd. Like I say hold onto the rage and remember to look after yourself.

Nyon · 14/05/2019 16:28

Box his stuff up and leave it outside. Don’t talk to him until you definitely won’t cry in front of the loser him.

Getoffamycloud · 14/05/2019 18:13

I came backt o check in. I still think you should not throw your marriage away over one mistake. What happened to " For better or worse" .
Talk to him.

IvanaPee · 14/05/2019 18:16

I don’t think the OP gives a flying fuck what you think. She made that abundantly clear. And I bloody love her for it!

The marriage was thrown away by the adult male who took advantage of a drunk teenager.

flapjackfairy · 14/05/2019 18:17

What happened to being faithful to her as long as we both shall live ?

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/05/2019 18:18

@Getoffamycloud what @flapjackfairy said FFS

QueenOfIce · 14/05/2019 18:19

Op isn't throwing her marriage away, her 'd'h did that the night he accepted a blow job from a 17 year old. The op owes him nothing and everyone has their line. Clearly he's crossed hers. It would be enough for me too and many other women. Not every woman is prepared to put up with cheating. Sad for those that do. As far as cheating is concerned the grass is greener once you've left.

CostanzaG · 14/05/2019 18:19

getoffa the only person who has broken those wedding vows is him.

I can't believe you're defending and minimising his behaviour.

Sparklyring · 14/05/2019 18:20

@Getoffamycloud Your wrong, absolutely and without any doubt the OP needs to leave. I reckon you're either a cheater or been cheated on and trying to justify your decision. Still wrong.

Dieu · 14/05/2019 18:36

Yuk. I have a 17 year old daughter, and I would kill the sleazy fuck. Poor girl must have been pissed herself, or vulnerable.
Hope you're ok, OP, and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you Thanks

CherryPlum · 14/05/2019 18:37

I'm pretty sure 'for better or for worse' does not include forgiving a blow job from a random woman. 'Forsaking all others' springs to mind.

ThatCurlyGirl · 14/05/2019 18:51

@Getoffamycloud

What the ACTUAL fuck?! The other night her husband went into an alleyway and got his dick sucked by someone else.

Not just someone else, but someone only one year over the age of consent.

Then called her. And told her the girl was a few weeks off her 18th birthday.

Love honour and respect? Not fucking likely!

He broke the vows, they are broken. Because of him.

OP - please ignore such ridiculous victim blaming, I'm in awe of how strong you've been and how you've stuck to your boundaries on this Thanks

fadingfast · 14/05/2019 18:55

Just to add my two penn'orth (fwiw), the answer to any 'problems' in a relationship (whether real or imagined) is never to have a sordid blowjob with a 17 year old (or indeed any age) down a side alley.

Huge sympathies to you op, and I agree with a pp that you need to hold on tight to that anger for the road ahead Flowers

JacquesHammer · 14/05/2019 19:01

I came backt o check in. I still think you should not throw your marriage away over one mistake. What happened to " For better or worse" .
Talk to him

No. The only person throwing the marriage away is the guy who cheated.

What happened to “forsaking all others”?

You might have low standards, do NOT ascribe them to everyone else.