My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

Just a caution about MIL as when my cheating ex blew up my life, he went to his parents and were supposedly furious with him too. That is, until the courts removed him from the home, I got spousal support and so on.

My ex supposedly didn't even stick it in anywhere, they just "dated" secretly for 18 months before I caught them. Does it really matter if he did it once or 100 times? Does it matter if it was intercourse or a BJ? Reality is, he was only out for a few hours and first thing he does is get a blow job from a stranger? Did your vows include, love, honor and the occasional BJ from strangers?

Now will come all the reasons he is a victim in this and you are the one ruining the family. He's already started on "but it was only sexual and didn't mean anything" crap. He feels justified as in his mind, he doesn't know why you are so bothered by it. I'm sure he wouldn't have minded if when you went out you gave BJ's to complete strangers....

After the dust settled and my ex was removed from the home, he became violent and broke my wrist and 2 teeth and lots of cuts and scrapes and a black eye. My once loving MIL was telling family members that she didn't understand why I had to call the police on her darling son, it's not like he put me in the hospital as I was released the same day. She said she would never forgive me for having him arrested and removed from his home.

You may or may not have a good relationship with inlaws in the future, but be wary until you see where things go and keep private details of what you are doing for the children and yourself.

Go see Citizens advice and get informed of your legal rights.

his ugly mug will only ruin it

this made me laugh. OP you are doing so well and I'm so sorry this has happened, but he's finally shown you who he is.

"He says he's told me out of guilt. I'm very suspicious"

Awful time for you op.

I think you need to be prepared to discover:

1 It's not the first time

2 She's younger than 17

3 He only told you because someone else threatened to tell you if he didn't - see first 2 points as I think its possibly also not the first time with very young possibly even underage girls. I'm going by his massive underreaction on this. The decent men I know would be shocked at themselves from that perspective alone! He seems to be barely registering that aspect. He's also not concerned she may have been younger than claimed or that he could be facing legal issues - that suggests to me someone who's done similar before and got away with it.

If I were you full sti screening would be a sensible precaution to take.

Absolutely no going back in my opinion, I couldn't be with a man like this, I couldn't even be platonically friendly with one.

Yes technically it's legal but morally it's disgusting and shows how little he respects girls/women. Particularly worrying when he has a daughter!

I know you're worried about others reactions, honestly it won't be you they'll judge! It'll be him. You need the support.

And yes you can't rely on it from mil, ultimately he's her son and she will ally herself with him. She'll also have a vested interest in you continuing the marriage because she doesn't want to deal with him & the fallout from this plus risking not seeing dgc as much etc she's not on your side.

Callkiki

Glad you are away from that revolting man his scumbag mother.

@RiversDisguise Thanks, and this girl has a amazing man in my life now and have never looked back. There is life after divorce.

OP, for some reason I would be questioning this, was this sexual act free or did he pay for it? It was the part about the not kissing, it sounds like a transaction not a drunken bumble in an alley!!
I would be having a look through the bank statements first for any transactions that you don't recognise.

I'm sorry your going through this

You need to hold on to any texts that he sends you.

You also need to decide how you are going to sort this out.

He is no longer on your side and not your problem. You have yourself and your kids to prioritise. Your MIL is also likely to take his side.

Hold on to your anger but also get your practical wheels turning.

There would be no coming for from this for me.

*There would be no coming back from this for me.

Just to say I hope you are ok OP... at some point today or tomorrow you might have a bit of an adrenaline crash when the initial shock wears off. For me it happened when I was away from the kids as they were my main motivation in trying to behave normally.
I remember just sitting in my car outside work howling.
If this happens remember that it won't feel that way forever. Be kind to yourself. Take some time off work if you can.
When someone fucks your over like this it can feel like a bereavement-which is apt really-the person you thought you knew is gone. It's fine to treat it as such.

Hopefully you will avoid this stage all together but just in case...
Lots of love to you

There is no “legal” definition of paedophilia. It’s an offence in England to have sexual intercourse with a child under 16. While a child of 17 can consent to sex in the uk, op dhs behaviour is super creepy if not technically illegal.

Op Sorry this has happened to you

I think the worst part OP was he was laughing and joking on FaceTime about her when he knew full well she had just given him a blow job! WTF is that all about?? Horrible pig of a 'man'

So sorry you are going through this op.

I think it definitely wasn't the first time this happened it's just this this time he wasn't discrete and someone has threatened to tell you. He was only out for a few hours .... people don't just change character that quickly.

I think the phone call was covering his arse.....so when someone said they'd seen them together he could say that he'd already told you but nothing happened.

However, it looks like he got so drunk that when you raised your suspicions he ended up blurting it out.

I'd lay money on it not being the first time.

You're being remarkably strong.

Hope you're ok op.

Although I agree with the don't talk about the vile details with all and sundry (even though you have every right to, as you've done nothing wrong) I would contact some of his friends and ask if they were with him or not. To ensure he as at least not lying about a boys night out.

However, you will now be getting a call from his mother before you hear from him asking if you are "over it" yet.

Then you'll hear from him claiming "a breakdown" and generally excuses making a mockery of true mental health issues.

That's the script. Sorry.

Stay strong

Doesn't matter if it's a one-off or a pattern, if he paid or he didn't. It's still despicable, and the fact remains that at the time he thought only about his dick and NOT his "beautiful" wife that he "loves so much" and wants to "fight for", or his children.

The fact that he did this at all is appalling.
You are good to be rid of him.

This is truly horrendous .I am sure you are looking at him and thinking " Who is this creepy stranger in my life"?
I can't help thinking of that young girl. Why does she at only 17 have so little self esteem or self worth to think that she deserves to be treated like this ? So upset for her.Slimy old guy that she gives a BJ going home to his family. Poor girl being used and abused like this.
Cheating one thing maybe you forgive.
But this beyond that.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this in your life. Hope you get RL support from family and friends.

I just wanted to say that you are handling this with much more class and forethought than I would ever credit myself with having OP. You are amazing!!!

Hope you are okay this morning OP

Hope you're ok today OP

How are you @WifeOfCheater ?

Hope you’re ok OP! You’re such a strong person! X

Just RTFT. Gosh OP I’m so sorry. I feel literally gutted for you. What a complete scumbag what’s wrong with these men that they’d happily risk it all for nothing?!

You’ve done so well. I could only hope that I could be as half as strong as you if it happened to me

Thinking of you still @WifeOfCheater xx

I've always found the idea of men who go for very young girls (teenagers) to be extremely disturbing. He is the scum of the earth, I wish I could kick him for you

Hope you're holding up today, OP. How are you doing?