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My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 13/05/2019 16:21

Just realised she’s already trotted out “think of the children” Shock

Dumping his arse IS thinking of the children - it’s setting a good example of not putting up with cheating scumbags and having some self respect

youaremyrain · 13/05/2019 16:23

Was he thinking of his children when he was down that alley?! Angry

heyd · 13/05/2019 16:30

Sorry op, what dick you're married to

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LuluBellaBlue · 13/05/2019 16:40

Just wanted to say OP that you’re very inspiring strong woman. The way you’ve held it together is incredible Flowers for you

sashh · 13/05/2019 16:48

Keep strong OP

He doesn't want to 'fight for you' he wants to pretend he has done nothing wrong.

He's changed her age, if he isn't sure then she is more likely to be adding years than taking them away.

If he was buying her drinks then that's illegal and bloody stupid. And if she is under 16 - well let's hope he did ask for ID.

TheWeeMacGregors · 13/05/2019 16:50

You are doing brilliantly- you poor thing- what an utterly devastating thing to happen. I think it sounds as though your MIL will be supportive, great that you’ve told her straight off the bat- leaves no room for doubt

Huggybear16 · 13/05/2019 16:53

You sound brilliant OP. He doesn't deserve you. Thankfully, your children have a great mum - a mum with good morals, self respect, eyes wide open and head screwed on. You'll be OK. Solidarity here

Cannyhandleit · 13/05/2019 16:57

For those saying your mil will turn on you and you will become the destroyer I disagree! My DB was in a similar situation 10 years ago and our family have always supported my ex sil and fully blame my DB for the situation! You know your in-laws best OP don't write them off just yet!

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 17:02

It’s not that MIL will turn on her. But the “for the sake of the children” shite isn’t fair on OP.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 17:04

For those saying your mil will turn on you and you will become the destroyer I disagree! My DB was in a similar situation 10 years ago and our family have always supported my ex sil and fully blame my DB for the situation! You know your in-laws best OP don't write them off just yet!

Ah I wasn't trying to make out that it would come from a bad place or anything but it's only natural that the MIL would want what's best for her son and that's getting him back with his wife. And tbf the OP herself already said that the MIL was very much of "in the best interests of the children" attitude so it seems like she will eventually be pushing for a reconciliation

honeyrider · 13/05/2019 17:25

I'm surprised he told you so quickly that I wonder if someone he knows saw him with the girl in the alley way so he's gotten in first and admitted to a diluted version of what happened before someone else does.

Such a horrible thing to do.

Cannyhandleit · 13/05/2019 17:26

I'm sure my mother has always wanted what's best for me and my brother but she doesn't wear rose tinted glasses so could plainly see my brother was a c*$t for what he did to his ex and has kept a very close relationship with her!

Cannyhandleit · 13/05/2019 17:29

Sorry I miss read you meant what is best for the grandkids haha not the adult kids! I still don't necessarily think that's the stance the in laws will take, sure they want what's best for the grandchildren but that doesn't mean they would try and talk you in to a situation you don't want to suit the wants of their arsehole son!

Harriedharriet · 13/05/2019 18:05

Hi OP. Am very sorry about your painful situation.
Most threads about this kind of thing have the op's going out of their minds with the dh's denying, gas lighting, lying, manipulating etc. Your dh did none of this and it may not be for cynical reasons. Sounds like a massive dose of "wtf have I done" to me.
You have time - take it. Fools rush in etc. Give yourself time to figure it all out. It could be a great time to re calibrate.
And in all of that - I want to say that I truly understand the magnitude of what happened. It is so utterly squalid and seedy.

DavetheCat2001 · 13/05/2019 18:21

How are things now OP?

Has he gone?

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 18:45

He's gone. I feel a lot better. I just need a strong gin and a good cry. Haven't told any friends yet it's been a hellish day.

OP posts:
sheettent · 13/05/2019 18:46

Bless you. Don't drink too much gin (although I would.)

nel123baby · 13/05/2019 18:47

Good! I'm glad you stood your ground. Did he try and fight like he said he would?

BlodwynBludd · 13/05/2019 18:48

You deserve a good Gin. I hope you have some peace now.

Pppppppp1234 · 13/05/2019 18:49

When the kids are in bed get a large G&T and put a soppy film on and just let it out OP. One day at a time dx

DogHairEverywhere · 13/05/2019 18:52

ThanksGin for you OP.

BesselVanDerKolk · 13/05/2019 18:59

Glad he is gone and you can get some headspace. I hope he cleaned up his fucking mess before he left. 💐

MummyDummyNow · 13/05/2019 19:01

Just read all of this and you sound amazing OP. Sending you support and goodwill. Enjoy your gin and take care GinThanks

IvanaPee · 13/05/2019 19:04

Well done @WifeOfCheater

Hope he didn’t give you a hard time and that he cleaned up his disgusting mess beforehand!

lablablab · 13/05/2019 19:04

I've just RTFT. I'm so sorry OP. Thanks

You're probably not feeling it now but your strength and courage shine through on your posts. You sound like a good egg OP, he's going to regret this big time.

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