My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP I’m so sorry for what you’re dealing with today. You sound like you have your head screwed on and you will be fine

Worrying about him and how he will cope is entirely normal, I still do it 3 yrs on from DHs infidelity, it’s when you are intrinsically linked to another human. It always felt like abandoning one of my kids.

Joking and dark humour to cope as you are doing is also normal.

But both those things led to me accepting shit behaviour for far too long, the shock/hyper of this wil wear off and you will feel broken and weak. You need real life support to see this through as fast as possible my love, it’s going to be horrible but that behaviour is abhorrent and you can’t stay with him xx

Oh I did finish it by the way, just in case that read like I accepted it!

You have absolutely every right to feel the way you do OP, and to be honest I'd have probably hit him with the nearest object and thrown him out the house. You need to take the time to make up your own mind about whether you want to have him in your life anymore. You might feel differently once the anger has settled, you might not, but either way that's your choice and shouldn't be made on the basis of keeping the family together.

You are feeling very " knee jerk " now but is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.?

Are you serious?
She hasn't destroyed anything. He has!

To me, a blow job would be worse than an actual shag because it's more intimate.
Would definitely mean divorce for me. Unforgivable

He's a worthless cunt and you deserve so much more.

OP I'm so sorry you have been treated like this. I have no advice, but would definitely recommend that he leaves the home and gives you some space to think.

You need to do what's right for you. Yes the DC need to be considered but to be honest if you can't after time apart see a way back from this, then separating will be the best outcome. Living in an unhappy household is not good for any child.

He left his phone downstairs, I only just realised, and his iPad. I know his passcodes so have been through them. Nothing untoward, checked emails, deleted stuff etc. Mind you maybe he's just good at covering his tracks.

But still - I can't believe he has done this. It's like it's happening to someone else.

Is it bad that I wish he'd never told me? Ignorance would have been bliss. It's why I initially believed it was his first time cheating, because he came clean so easily. It's all so weird

Just a thought (and I only got up to page 9 so dunno if anyone mentioned) but what was a 17 year old doing in a pub anyway? And who was buying her drink? Perhaps hubby bought her all the drinks and in her inebriated state she was made to think she owed him something for that. Blech.

I don't know how I would feel about it in terms of it being cheating...which it is...but what would disgust me is that he used a young girl for his own sexual gratification. Dirty old man territory if there ever was one and shows a total disregard for that poor young lass (and for his own wife and family). Maybe if it had been a proper grown women we could have in time...talked about it...maybe...ich, probably not. But a 17 year old...nah, sick sick sick.

Hope you have an easy time getting shot of him OP. And treat yourself to a nice holiday in the sun with some tequilas and hot hunky barmen about! Hope dd feels better soon too. Stay strong!

Are any of his friends he was with aware of what he did?

That maybe why he came clean so quickly.

You could say 'if you don't leave I will message every one of your friends/announce on social media to everyone exactly what you have done'. ('Then we'll see if it's 'not a big deal wont we').

I can't believe he is just lying in bed instead of coming to talk to you!

@TeaForTheWin I used to go to the pub all the time when I was 17. I don't there's much point speculating about who was buying her drinks - what OP's husband has done is bad enough in itself.

Yeah v true, it is indeed.

You could say 'if you don't leave I will message every one of your friends/announce on social media to everyone exactly what you have done'. ('Then we'll see if it's 'not a big deal wont we').
Such a good point, how he'll try to make out it's not a big deal....... so no harm in telling everyone then?

Citygirl2019 has a point. Maybe that's why he confessed?

Sounds like it WAS a one off, if there's nothing in his phone - or his previous behaviour, but you DO know about it now, OP. No going back on that. It will take a deal of time to process, and you need his absence, for a while at least.

I completely understand wishing you hadn't been told initially too - it must feel like it would have been the far easier, less painful option.

But in the long run I suspect you'll feel it's much better to know who you're really married to and have the opportunity to make informed choices about your life. Who knows what would eventually have shattered your illusions if not this and how many more years of your life you'd have been living a lie (or unknowingly risking picking up STDs)?

Chances are at some point you'll come across a family where some poor wife has a terminally unfaithful b of a husband but either knows nothing about it or chooses not to know and you'll think "poor woman, that could have been me".

I hope you'll look back on this years from now, when you're happy and settled, and thank your lucky stars you found out the truth when you did.

This made my stomach turn.

@WifeOfCheater you’re doing so well.

Don’t let anyone gobshite on here tell you that you should put up with this.

He had his penis in the mouth of a drunk teenager while you were at home with his kids.

If you do stay with him, best keep an eye on your dd’s friends around him in a few years. Vile, disgusting predator that he is...

And YY if he says he won’t leave, tell him you’ll post it on social media to garner opinions...

*I wouldn’t actually post anything before anyone jumps on me!

Any social media friend requests from young girls OP? Photos from last night? Worth triple checking!

I think the easiest way to get him to go would be to ask him to go and stay at his Mum’s “for a couple of days” so you can “think things over”.

Personally then once he was gone I would tell everyone what he’d done, and then I’d change the locks. Even though I know it’s his house too and I technically have no legal right to, blah blah blah. I’d let him take me to court on that one; see if he could be bothered to spend the money on it; especially once all his friends and family know he takes blow jobs from children in alleyways.

If he does say he won't leave could you take the kids and stay at his mums? I know it should be him leaving I absolutely agree there but if you've got the kids and don't want to start a massive row in front of them might it be easier to just go to his parents and stay with them? Then consult a solicitor about getting him out.

Can believe the twat hasn't said anything to you

If he does say he won't leave could you take the kids and stay at his mums?

I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure the OPs MIL is lovely however the OPs DH is her son and ultimately, no matter how wrong she thinks her son is she's going to want to encourage the OP to give him another chance.

I like to think that he would have the children's best interests at heart and be the one to move out. Because if he doesn't I will (I'm sure his mum would let us stay).