My husband cheated on me last night

[WifeOfCheater]

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.?

Pretty sure comments like this should have been directed to the Op's H before he made that choice, not the Op who is doing what she can for herself and her DCs in an absolutely shit situation.

Op isn't the one destroying her family. Her H did that already.

You are feeling very " knee jerk " now but is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.?

You say that likes it's the most trivial thing thing in the world.............

You are feeling very " knee jerk " now but is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.?

Urgh. He should have thought about his “little family” ( hate that phrase and says a lot about those who use it ) before he let a teenage girl give him oral sex. No way should you be minimising this sort of behaviour by telling the OP she should think twice about her “knee jerk” reaction for crying out loud. I’m amazed that any woman would give it a second thought to put this kind of behaviour behind them.

Getoffamycloud

I'm assuming you've never been cheated on?

The type of sexual act itself is such a small part of what destroys a marriage - it's the fact that the guilty party is willing to risk everything for a meaningless encounter.

In my case, I'm not sure whether ExH had even slept with the OW. But I knew they'd kissed, and when I found an email confirming a hotel booking for a 'romantic weekend' when he knew I was away, that was enough to know we were over and I kicked his sorry arse out.

The fact that it is 'just a drunken bj' makes it worse imo. He was prepared to throw away his marriage and family for something so pathetic, so sleazy.
Maybe he is covering up something 'more' by admitting to a small part of it. But frankly, it really doesn't matter. He clearly doesn't value the OP, his home life or anything other than getting his dick wet for a few minutes.

He's garbage.

He doesnt deserve you, and he certainly doesn't deserve a lie in! Let him spend the day sitting outside his mum's front door if she's at work and he doesn't have a key.

What an absolute knob. I'm so sorry OP

The fact that you are worried about where he'll live and what he'll do is a testament to what a lovely person you are, especially when he wasn't worried about you when he was with a 17-year-old... Or anyone, but her age makes this especially grim.

I'd be fighting the temptation to wake him up, but I suspect letting MIL finish work in half an hour is a better idea. Then when he gets up, he can immediately go. I shouldn't think he'll put up much of a fight while dealing with a hangover.

One foot in front of the other today. Whether you are feeling every emotion under the sun or absolutely certain that this is it, you're doing well. Everyone reacts differently, but you'll know yourself.

I'm sorry OP...really sorry.

If you want him to leave and think he won't, the best idea is to shame him into it-and your Mother-in-law might be your best ally in that- she will be angry and ashamed of him (I hope) and if you can get to speak to him and tell him the best thing he can do for you and the kids is to go quietly and give you some space for a few days, then he will surely listen?

You are doing very well to avoid the showdown in front of the kids-I don't think I would have been able to contain myself.

Why did he tell her? He meant to hurt her because he probably wanted to make her feel jealous. That in itself is downright nasty.

*get her to speak to him...

is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.?

I'm not ruining anything, he has ruined it.

I'm off to McDonald's now, he is still being sick. On the bright side he sneezed while vomiting in the loo and head butted the toilet seat, has bit his lip open. Ha ha.

Where were her friends and How likely is it that she was allowed in the pub at 17

He'd lost his friends she was apparently with her boyfriend?? But her parents are on holiday. Apparently. This is just drunken ramblings I'm going off

Lol OP

hope his lip gets infected and his ginads fall off... somehow

You will get through this xx

God OP. You are such a strong woman!!

I'm so sorry this has happened but you are doing the right thing - trying to be level headed, ending the relationship.

Stand your ground when he finally does lift his head from the toilet bowl (no sympathy there). Be calm and cool - it'll make it so much harder for him to see that you are resolute about this.

I can't believe he facetimed you straight after. What a fucking insult!

your little family

Tbh, I’d ignore any advice from someone who uses this phrase. 🤮

I wonder how many women get to old age and they're still in a miserable relationship with a man who never treated them well because they didn't want to upset the "little family".

Exactly, HE has ruined it. HE has chosen a grubby blowie in a grubby alley over his wife and children, HE chose to rub his wife's nose in it, HE values his ego and penis above everybody in his life and how they feel, HE has done this to his kids.

It isn't acceptable, it isn't explainable or forgivable. It shows utter contempt for the OP and the children.

He cares more about his dick than his kids.

The hangover will eventually fade. The fallout of his stupid, selfish, scummy decision will take a lot longer. I wish you strength through what's to come x

WifeofCheater he is rank, you are awesome.

he sneezed while vomiting in the loo and head butted the toilet seat, has bit his lip open this actually made me laugh out loud 😂

Ignore Getoffmycloud

My god OP you are icy cool. Let this filthy man be for now, you will get no success whilst he’s in such a pitiful state and in a little while he can sling his hook to mummy’s with his tail between his legs.

I'm wondering if he was as shitfaced as he's making out when he had his encounter. Our penises don't exactly respond to simple requests when off the scale, even more so if it's not a regular occurrence.

I honestly wonder what color the sky is in the world of some previous posters who are minimizing, excusing this sorry excuse of a husband?!!!!!!
OP dear I am so very sorry you are experiencing this-from how this teen has been described I'm pretty certain she's younger than 17!
If this was happening to me all of my stbxh clothes would be on the front lawn and the locks changed!!!!!
Good luck!

How can that be classed as 'not real cheating' 😱 I would feel the exact same feelings...
you need to just focus on what's best for YOU and your children.
Yeah he may have been extremely drunk etc etc and told you pretty much straight away but that's disgusting behaviour. Especially her age... she isn't an angel either!
He's ruined your trust for a shitty blowjob.. don't let him ruin your and your children's happiness.

is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.?

It’s cheating. It’s the telling the op like it’s no big deal.

Why did he have to tell her as he could have gotten away with it?

He has deliberately rocked the boat.

He’s a grown man with responsibilities and has behaved like a single man in a grubby fashion.

Lack of morals is not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.

Forgiving someone who has done this is extremely stressful. Why should she put herself through it?

She is deserving of a whole lot more and being with someone who loves and respects her.

@FiremanKing Why did he tell her? He meant to hurt her because he probably wanted to make her feel jealous. That in itself is downright nasty.

More likely he wanted to ease his guilty conscience. Or perhaps he values honesty and thought his DW has the right to the truth.

The act itself is the main issue here of course, but I don't know whether telling her makes it (slightly) better or a lot worse? Should he have kept it a secret, saved the relationship and suffered with the guilt, or come clean, ruin the relationship, ease his guilty conscience, but "at least he was honest"? Hmm

Oh god OP, I'm so sorry and sickened that this scumbag has done this to you.