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Original poster

My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
Original poster
WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 12:32

True Arya I think I'm gonna have to remember that. MIL's allegiance will be with him not me.

OP posts:
sucresugar · 13/05/2019 12:35

Good luck op whatever your decision. Right now I'd be getting him up and telling him to look after the kids whilst you do the flat viewing.

redhotchill · 13/05/2019 12:36

Message the mates he was out with last night from his phone pretending to be him asking WTF happened last night? I feel like shit etc etc.

Also take phone with you so he can't get them

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AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 12:40

True Arya I think I'm gonna have to remember that. MIL's allegiance will be with him not me.

And that's only natural aswell. Anyway It should 100% be your DH who goes and gives you the space you need. I'm sure if you tell him that you need space to think about it and if he doesn't go you're going straight for divorce, then he will go.

DuffBeer · 13/05/2019 12:41

Well, he's honest, I'll give him that!

I find it quite unbelievable that he rang you to tell you that some girl was desperate to suck him off and then admits it all to your face.

There is obviously no way back from this!

TheWeeMacGregors · 13/05/2019 12:44

So odd that he confessed to this. Did he think you would forgive? I like redhotchilli suggestion

WMPAGL · 13/05/2019 12:45

OP, you may well have thought of this already (but because you've had a shock I'll say it anyway) - think very carefully about how the house is registered as being owned before agreeing to move out even temporarily and I'd say have a quick word with a decent family/property solicitor before physically leaving.

As you're married with children I expect it is less of an issue than if you're not, but if it were me I'd want to make sure I wasn't accidently making life harder for myself down the line before acting.

Let alone the moral point of why on earth you and children should have to uproot and disrupt yourselves because of his actions, but that's another issue!

Bakingberry · 13/05/2019 12:45

It's seems pretty common for men to cheat, feel guilty and then confess all. They are not man enough to think of you at the time and not man enough to manage the guilt.

I think we can all agree you can do better than a man that gets a blowjob down the side of a furniture shop.

hellenbackagen · 13/05/2019 12:46

Sympathy op.

I'd get some legal advice so you know where you stand .

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 12:47

So odd that he confessed to this. Did he think you would forgive? I like redhotchilli suggestion

It sounded like because the girl was trying to get him to go back to hers for a shag that the wife should be grateful that he restrained himself and only went for a back alley BJ instead? Hmm

QueQueQue · 13/05/2019 12:49

Hope you're doing ok and he is long gone by now

timeisnotaline · 13/05/2019 12:50

I’m fairly sure if you say you will have to tell all of your friends what he has been getting f up to if he won’t go, that he will shift quickly.

user1471546851 · 13/05/2019 12:52

To tell you is just really odd it's like he was proud !
Like he thought he'd get home and you'd both have a laugh about it.
Him: "Haha guess what love I pulled a 17 year old she give me a bj down the alley"
You: "Oh good on you! You've still got it!"
Absolute twat you deserve so much better Flowers

Theoldwoman · 13/05/2019 12:54

I'm so so sorry OP.

I wish you all the love and strength to get through the difficult days and weeks ahead. x

darlingtwinklebum · 13/05/2019 12:54

@AryaStarkWolf oh yes I see your point actually.. tough situation then
Op he should feel bad enough to clear off without too much agg but I'm guessing he probably won't Hmm

DirtyDennis · 13/05/2019 12:55

To those people saying it's odd that he confessed - I had the same situation with an ex.
He snogged a woman in a nightclub and immediately called me from the nightclub toilet.
He said he called me just to tell me he loved me but there was something very odd about his voice.
I asked what had happened and he told me. He said it was because he felt guilty and had to confess straight away but it was to 100% shift some of his guilt, making it a relationship "problem" shared between us, rather than his dire behaviour.

Obviously this isn't on the same level as OP's married, with children H getting a BJ from a teenager...

Warmer · 13/05/2019 13:06

Omg sending loads of love and strength to you! It's absolutely disgusting she is not long out of school, she's a tart and he was a weak drunk that needed an ego boost. He probably thinks it's not as bad because she just did it to him! But at some point he could have stopped this, he knew what he was doing, he didn't have to walk round to the side of the shop, at no point did he think this is wrong?! This will all make you feel worse but you need to stay strong, don't let him get in your head, don't even give him the time of day so he can start twisting it and passing blame and start blaming lack of sex etc. How is he even still in bed. I'd defo tell his parents! You didn't ruin this for your family HE DID! I wouldn't even engage in conversation with him I think just get away from him until you can gather your thoughts. It's so hard as you've got the kids there but I think I'd batter him with a saucepan! So sorry xx

ThatCurlyGirl · 13/05/2019 13:11

Jesus, you poor poor thing. This honestly made me feel physically sick and I can't believe people are implying you would be the one to break up the family!!!

The fact you've immediately established in your own mind what your boundaries on this are AND even immediately thought how awful it is this girl has been used in such a way is a testament to your character.

I think you sound fucking ace and brave and will be setting your kids a brilliant example by sticking to your guns on this.

You poor thing I'm so sorry this has happened xxx

Sarcelle · 13/05/2019 13:12

This would be curtains for me. Being drunk is no excuse for him doing a sexual act with a child. I know legally she is not a child but she still is. He is a disgusting louse. Thanks

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/05/2019 13:14

*I'm not ruining anything, he has ruined it.

I'm off to McDonald's now, he is still being sick. On the bright side he sneezed while vomiting in the loo and head butted the toilet seat, has bit his lip open. Ha ha.*

OP, you are great. Grin And I agree. That's what's commonly known as poetic justice.

On a more serious note, I hope you're bearing up. You sound very strong given the circumstances. Sending you positivity for dealing with difficult times ahead.

Sexnotgender · 13/05/2019 13:25

Fucking hell, he really is a weapons grade arsehole.

You’ve ruined nothing OP, it’s all on him.

Hope you’re as ok as you can be, what an absolute wanker.

Swimsuitbod · 13/05/2019 13:26

OP have you got through to your MIL yet? I hope you're ok Thanks

foreverhanging · 13/05/2019 13:30

That is so disgusting. And what's worse he tried to say I love youuuu you're so beautifullll to try and make him look 'innocent'

Fucks sake

pinkgloves · 13/05/2019 13:35

Bastard. I'm so sorry op. Sad

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 13:35

I wonder are any of your DC girls and if so how your DH would feel about it if when she's 17 something like this happens to her with some old perv?

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