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Original poster

My husband cheated on me last night

943 replies

WifeOfCheater · 13/05/2019 08:26

NC’d but a regular poster

Been married 10 years, 2 kids, mortgage and happy marriage where nothing more than a few arguments have happened.

Husband went out to watch football yesterday - a rare occurrence he doesn’t often drink so I knew he’d be three sheets to the wind.

He FaceTimed me at 10.30 pissed as a fart telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. Not unusual, he gets soppy when drunk. But then he started telling me about a girl who’d pursued him all night and offered to take him back to hers for a shag. She was 17, two weeks off her 18th birthday apparently. I said why are you telling me this, I hope you told her no, and he stayed quiet and said he was getting a taxi home, and laid it on thick with the “I love you” and compliments.

While I was waiting for him to come home I had a sick feeling and knew something wasn’t right. When he got back I asked him if he did anything with that girl. I fully expected him to say “no of course not” because I didn’t think for a moment he’d cheat on me. But he confessed she gave him a blow job down the side of a furniture shop.

I feel sick. The fact she’s 17 - less than half his age - makes my skin crawl. What kind of man is he?! He has ruined everything. And to make it worse DD (6) had D&V so whilst he was getting a blow Job from a teenager I was mopping up sick and shit from the bathroom.

He said it was a one off, just a blow job and not emotional and he doesn’t see it as proper cheating. I think it makes it worse he used some poor girl for just her mouth. I can almost see an emotional affair would’ve been worth the risk of our marriage but not this. He says he deeply regrets it(!)

He’s still in (spare) bed, no doubt won’t remember anything and all I’ve done is cry. I haven’t slept, I’m in the bedroom while the kids watch a film downstairs, sobbing and hoping they don’t see me.

I can’t leave, he’s self employed and hasn’t been doing too well lately financially so we’ve dipped into our savings and they’re gone. I have no family around (he does). I do have a flat I rent out and the tenants are moving out in 3 weeks so I’m going to say he can live there.

I’m utterly heartbroken. He’s ruined everything. I wish this wasn’t happening and I genuinely never ever thought he’d do this to us. And with such a young woman, makes me think he’s just a predatory creep

OP posts:
Bentley111 · 13/05/2019 10:47

Is it wrong that I'm encouraging the children to make as much noise as possible right underneath the spare room? I have made up a new game I call "the screaming competition" (we are in a detached but I have texted the neighbour to warn her about our game)

This really made me smile Grin

OP, you sound fantastic - kind, witty, funny, a great mum and wife. Your DH is a true arsehole.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you Flowers but have every confidence that you will have the strength to deal with this x

To those saying they wouldn't break up their family for a blowjob.... WTAF????

Amibeingnaive · 13/05/2019 10:48

I suppose there is the risk that he will be an arsehole about it. I would probably just ask his mum to talk him round and take him in to 'give you to space to think'.

Of course, you don't need space to think, you know where you're going, but I imagine he'll be more likely to acquiesce if he thinks there's a chance he'll have his feet under the table again before long.

Then, with him out of the the way, you can get your ducks in a row, pronto.

cuppycakey · 13/05/2019 10:48

If he refuses to leave you will have to see a solicitor sooner rather than later.

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Relationship problems
BlodwynBludd · 13/05/2019 10:48

I'm sorry op. Will your mum help persuade him it's best for everyone if he leaves?

qazxc · 13/05/2019 10:50

Well he should go because it's easier for him to move than you and DC. Also it's best for DC to stay in their home.
So if he starts whining about why should he move tell him that.
If he digs his heels in can you and DC move into flat until a more permanent solution has been found.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 13/05/2019 10:51

Amibeingnaive - Excellent idea. He'll probably have The Beer Fear, and be a complete state. Best he's shunted off to contemplate the fall out from his gross actions last night.

Amibeingnaive · 13/05/2019 10:51

Also, make sure you have someone around later on when the dust settles - you might find you feel a bit wobbly once the shock wears off. You are being an absolute tower of strength for your kids, but don't neglect yourself here - you need someone to lean on from time to time too x

DirtyDennis · 13/05/2019 10:55

@WifeofCheater

Why do I still feel responsible for him?! I'm worrying where he's going to live and stuff. God I need a slap across the face.

You feel responsible for him because you love him, because you're a nice person, because you care. You can't just switch that off just because he's behaved appallingly.

But, since you asked....

Whatevermission · 13/05/2019 10:55

I have been thinking about this, and in your shoes I might report DH to the police. The age of the girl, would play on my mind. I don't think I believe that she is 17/they didn't have sex/they didn't kiss. It doesn't add up at all. And that he phoned you straight after, and told you about this. How did they even meet? Who was he out with? Is she a prostitute? Did he rape her and is covering tracks by telling you about this consensual sex act, so eagerly?

NoSauce · 13/05/2019 10:56

Christ what a shit. There would be no going back for me in this situation, easy for a stranger to say though I know. Good luck OP moving forward and sorry that he’s put you and your dc in such a horrible situation.

yourestandingonmyneck · 13/05/2019 11:05

I'm so sorry. Agree, go about your day with the kids. Stay strong xxxxxx

Stuckandsad · 13/05/2019 11:06

I think it's best if his mum comes to pick him up while the kids are busy/in bed. I imagine even a massive cunt like him will behave himself in front of his mother.

Damntheman · 13/05/2019 11:07

I feel sick for you OP, what a horrendous and disgusting thing for him to do! You're being so incredibly strong for your DC and yourself, keep it up. You've got this.

Getoffamycloud · 13/05/2019 11:10

Please don't close the doors on your marriage. By all means ask him to leave so that you can consider your options but also consider counselling. You are feeling very " knee jerk " now but is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ.? Think about it ; talk about it when you are ready

nrpmum · 13/05/2019 11:11

@WifeOfCheater you're bloody amazing, and you are worried for his future because you love and care about him, but you know what you have to do. Also a supportive slap round the chops from me!

You got this Flowers

sprouts21 · 13/05/2019 11:12

I suspect there's a lot more to this story. Where were his friends? Where were her friends and How likely is it that she was allowed in the pub at 17?

The offer of going back to hers is odd. She's unlikely to have her own place at 17.

DogHairEverywhere · 13/05/2019 11:12

Good luck OP.
I think if he does start with the 'why should i move out, it's my house too', you could suggest that you can think more clearly with him out of the house and if he doesn't give you that space, then you are so angry and disgusted with him right now, that you will start divorce proceedings immediately.
If he were to move out temporarily, then there is more chance you will calm down and be able to move forwards.
Obviously, you know that there is no going back, but if he's going to be difficult, then you don't owe him any honesty after what he did last night. Say whatever you need to, to get him out.
Also, get some support in real life. Tell your parents or a friend.

Prequelle · 13/05/2019 11:12

He was the one who destroyer the family for a drunken blow job, not the OP.

I couldn't remain with someone and have sex with them ever again knowing they had willingly stuck their penis in a 17 year olds mouth, knowing his wife and kids were at home.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 13/05/2019 11:12

@Getoffamycloud seriously? The OP's husband had a blowjob off a child and you think that's not worth booting him out for? Fuck that.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 13/05/2019 11:13

This is a terrible situation, and you are dealing with it so well. My heart goes out to you.

MyCatHogsTheBed · 13/05/2019 11:14

I'm so sorry this has happened OP.

Stay strong. You sound amazing.

Whatevermission · 13/05/2019 11:15

sprouts I agree. I hadn't thought about her having her own place.

He is not telling the truth about what happened, is he?

JacquesHammer · 13/05/2019 11:16

You are feeling very " knee jerk " now but is it really worth destroying your little family over a drunken BJ

The OP isn’t destroying anything. A marital split - if the OP chooses that course of action - is solely down to the actions of her husband.

AlexaAmbidextra · 13/05/2019 11:16

How likely is it that she was allowed in the pub at 17?

Oh dont be naive. Some 17 year olds these days look 25.

MisfitsMous · 13/05/2019 11:18

Ugh wow, so grim - a bj from a teen down the side of a furniture shop? I coukdnt get over that, like you say, what kind of man is he?

also i want to ask the girl if she's ok hun

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