Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

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Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

They will flock to you!

While you're in desperate danger on a locked ward remember to ask the medical team what they think of my bowel conundrum. One kilo berries = 2 measly half shits. Shout it at them, they may be deaf.

DT you are not crazy! Thighland is real, we're just waiting for Proj to transfer our house money so we can all be alone together. Show them your rugby ball trick!

I will be sure to put your question forward Thigh, although, they don't talk much, I wonder if they are mute?

I'll show them ALL of my tricks and then they'll release me! They are just ignorant of my value in society!

Oh yes I cannot wait to live off the proceeds of Project's house! None of this would have happened if I hadn't been made to work at work!

I tried to break and and rescue you DT, but I got distracted by the drugs cabinet. There is some GOOD SHIT in here....

If I can achieve a proper out of body experience I'll pop through the wall and commiserate the lack of rum in person.

Dangly apart from reasonable food, it doesn't sound as if you are in a nice place. Have you been allowed a lawyer? Your human rights have been trashed!! Do they even allow you a slanket? Has anyone misgendered you?

FREE THE DANGLY ONE!

I'm trying the Terminator trick of morphing through walls. I'm flinging myself at the outer wall of your facility (not a euphemism) DT but I'm not morphing yet. I'm running rum through the water system so quickly go and drink from the toilet and have a bath.

Misslanketed, cruel.

FREE THE TASSLES

Oh super thank you Thigh I've just drank the toilet and now I'm 50% through my bath water!

I feel a bit tiddly! Can you get some of the good shit to me M3 ? Maybe put it up your bum and then ask to use the toilet and then after I'll tell them I need to go in for a long shit!

It's true CP they are not nice! They said they had to knock out a form to admit 'that stripper bloke'! But I am a laydee and I like laydee things!!

I think I need some more tit Thigh , if you still have a cup going?

dangly this is work's fault, they over burdened your delicate brain and driven you to distraction!

Have over burdened (I'm just so upset I can't put words in!)

CP exactly you understand it perfectly!! Maybe I do need legal advice, I could sue for brain damage here!

I’ll donate my donated tits to the cause.

We have the beginnings of a plan - M3lon’s inside but off her face in the drugs cabinet, thigh is determinedly bouncing off the wall and dangly is shooting rugby balls at them from her unmentionables. It’s as good as the government’s plans for Brexit, I don’t see how we could fail.

DT I had to give a lot of tit to Proj poor dear was like an ironing board. I gave her 4 cup sizes and 3 to Cat so that's left me at a DD - you can have 2 if that would help? I'm throwing lit heroin down the chimney now if you could fling yourself into the hearth and chase the dragon. I'll chase anyone in a white coat round the car park offering hand shandies.

Brilliant!! This cannot fail. I'll see y'all in a jiffy when I've been sprung! We mustn't visit so I'll just nod in your directions knowingly.

It's ok gang! Very kinf offers but everyone can keep their tits! Once I'm out of this hell hole I know a Gentlemen's Club where I am considered perfection as I am (sick fuckers!) I just wasn't appreciated in here, they don't 'get' me like you guys do!

Dangly are you allowed posters in your cell? Are you allowed a grapefruit spoon? Stay strong.

I haven't got any spare tit to donate, but i am blessed in the pubic hair department, so I'm happy to plait you an escape ladder, if your cell is up high?

CP I shall go and request a grapefruit spoon asap, i shall tell them i'm having difficulty with my grapefruit.

Dog that is a brilliant idea! I won't be here much longer with all my amazing Thighlander thriends to the rescue! So I get my spoon then chase the dragon, pounce and attack the mutes then skim down Dog's pubic plait! Got it!

FREEEEEDOOOOOOM!!!

We may never meet, but we are a team! Perhaps our skankets should be monogrammed with TIT, (Thisters in the Team).

Skankets? Even my typos are in keeping with low standards, skanky slankets

I love that idea Dog slankets, or even skankets, embroidered with TIT logo on the left breast!

Maybe in a lovely dark yellow piss colour?

I’m so proud to be a TIT

Thisters in Team Slanket - TITS

Female Assassins Nuclear Inebriated Slags - FANIS

Cabal it’s Friday. Who are we murdering? We don’t seem to be murdering the care home staff, more outwitting them with our genius.

Who wants murdering? I’m feeling pretty jolly at the moment. I’ve sold my house and Whiny Bitch is on leave, so no yen to kill anyone I know, but I don’t want to get rusty.