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How do you not be irritated by everyone??

(317 Posts)
Whatevermission Mon 20-May-19 09:09:10

Is this the curse of being middle aged? Or am I just a miserable old hag? I think I do a pretty good job of containing my seething rage and incomprehension of everyone's idiocy. I smile alot and friendly and chatty. But, wow, it's an effort. I used to love 'people', finding out about them and enjoyed how different we all are. Now I want to live in a cave and never have to have an interaction with anyone I don't already know and like, ever again

LoafofSellotape Mon 20-May-19 09:13:16

The circle of people I surround myself with has got smaller and smaller the older I've got. My tolerance for nonsense is extremely low and I roll my eyes so much some days my eyes are in danger of falling out of my head.

Whatevermission Mon 20-May-19 09:18:46

But, there is SO MUCH nonsense?! Has it always been there, but when you are young and fresh you don't notice? Don't mind? I suppose you don't KNOW it is nonsense?

Even professionals e.g doctors, I have recently found to be talking utter utter guff. I feel massively insulted...like they think I'm too stupid to realise they are talking bollovks

LoafofSellotape Mon 20-May-19 09:41:18

Oh God,yes , especially doctors- I hear you!!

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Mon 20-May-19 09:49:04

I think its definitely an age thing. I've always been the type of person who is too polite to cut in when someone is talking bollocks, tolerate gossiping and general boring small talk. Since hitting mid 40s I've started to be more dismissive, more outspoken and able to say 'no' to invites that I know I can't be bothered with. My social circle is small, tiny infact, but I'm happy.

One good example is Loose Women. I used to watch until about 6/7 years ago when dd started school. It filled an hour and sometimes the guests were good. If I catch it now it makes me cringe and I pretty much hate them all and rarely know who the guests are. Sometimes I watch it purely to be annoyed grin

Whatevermission Mon 20-May-19 09:56:15

Oh YES, to the cutting in. I used to be described as 'a good listener' 🤣.....NOW I physically can't tolerate it. I was incredibly rude to a colleague not that long ago...he was telling me why he was so good at his job (after hinting that he didn't think I was suited to a new role i had just accepted). I just got up and walked out of the room. I wasn't angry/upset/offended. Just couldn't be bothered to listen to his over confident tedious monologue. I think I sighed in his face probably before I got up. O don't even feel bad about it

RosaWaiting Mon 20-May-19 09:57:07

I have been wondering the same OP

I mean, I've always had low tolerance for guff but it's getting lower.....I'm 43 if that's the age you're thinking of.

whatareyoudoingneil Mon 20-May-19 09:57:14

Agree completely! Life is so short I do not have time for peoples nonsense anymore. I wish I could live my life again and not put up with peoples bollocks for so many years, makes me mad how much of a people pleaser I used to be!!

BurnedToast Mon 20-May-19 09:57:38

I wouldn't say I'm irritated by everyone. In fact, I feel I'm more tolerant in some ways but that's probably because I was very intolerant when I was young. But what I have found is that if I decide someone is being an arse then I'm quick to drop them and not try to make it work. I' m also not afraid to cut someone down to size which I never would have before. So the example you gave with the doctor, I'd probably interrupt and tell him/her to cut the crap and get to the point. My teen dd is often shock.

My social circle is definitley smaller though. I have fewer friends who I see less, but I enioy their company. A very small group of those I would consider close friends. The others are people we get on OK with but have aspects that pee me off, but not enough that I don't want to see them at all grin. I imagine they feel the same way about us. But most of all, I care less about what others think, about what I 'should' do and what others are doing.

LoafofSellotape Mon 20-May-19 09:58:43

I just got up and walked out of the room. I wasn't angry/upset/offended. Just couldn't be bothered to listen to his over confident tedious monologue

grin

HundredMilesAnHour Mon 20-May-19 09:58:43

I think the grumpiness/lack of tolerance gets worse as we age. Or maybe that's just me! wink

I'm outgoing and usually very upbeat with the people I like. But my tolerance for strangers saying/doing stupid things is non-existent.

For example, where I live people seem to be appallingly lazy at picking up after their dogs so you have to constantly watch where you're walking. Every time I see dog mess all over the pavement, I can't help but mutter to myself "these people are just bloody peasants". I didn't used to be like this. It only started when I hit middle age. And don't get me started on bad drivers (my definition of 'bad' gets broader as I get older and more grumpy).

Yesterday at my gym, I had a relatively new gym member tell me that I should be training LESS. Based on their vast experience of 2 months. Typical millenial male who thinks they know everything and likes to patronise the rest of us. I smiled and laughed and was nice to them. But my inner grumpy old woman wanted to ask how gym qualifications they had and did they realise that I was competing in a sport at international level when they were still in nappies. I admit I will be making a few snide comments about it to my trainer when I see him later this morning.

I think as we get older that our bullshit radar is much more finely tuned and we have the self-confidence to call people out on the bullshit. That generally works well for me as I work in Financial Services/Banking where people tend to be pretty direct. It has lost me potential work in other more gentle industries though as apparently my focus/drive/directness is "a bit too much" for more delicate flowers. Which just makes me grumpy! Everything makes me grumpy apart from exercise, cake and wine. smile

Whatevermission Mon 20-May-19 10:06:25

I am 46. I am glad it is not just me

Bipbopbee Mon 20-May-19 10:07:40

Thank god it’s not just me!
I think DH and I are turning into Mr and Mrs Meldrew such is our limited tolerance of other people.
It’s the huge lack of consideration for others that gets me going...
Last night for example we were at the cinema and the amount of popcorn/crisp/chocolate wrapping rustling was driving us insane.
I think the people in that audience hadn’t eaten for the past two weeks.
There was loud rustling over most of the dialogue.
We live next door to selfish twats who park with no thought to anyone else, regularly blocking our entrance.
Am so done with them too.

wellies Mon 20-May-19 10:09:50

I have found this to be true...

gotmychocolateimgood Mon 20-May-19 10:12:51

I have a friend who is currently going through a messy divorce. I've been there for her, listened politely to her monologue on it for two hours whilst feeling really unwell with a serious illness (she ever asked me how I was but hey ho). I also bought her a big bottle of her favourite spirit and dropped it round to her doorstep in a gift bag to cheer her up. Recently she has started blanking me when I see her around. I'm not a drama llama and haven't done anything remotely contraversial or slagged her off to anyone. But now she's ignoring me. Great.

OneToThree Mon 20-May-19 10:13:27

I’m 45 and totally agree.

RosaWaiting Mon 20-May-19 10:15:05

Oh I have avoided the cinema for at least 10 years because of that!

I used to get free tickets but even then, it's not worth it. I actually had a (quiet) go at someone sitting next to me who got their laptop out last time I went.

escapade1234 Mon 20-May-19 10:16:37

I totally agree with so-called experts. I sat through a chiropractor appointment recently thinking “you are talking such bollocks, do you really think I’m so stupid I’m buying this nonsense and that only a year-long course of adjustments, a snip at £2000, will fix this problem I never knew I had.” 🙄

escapade1234 Mon 20-May-19 10:17:22

I’ve also sat in more than one GP appointment in which I was told complete untruths by doctors who don’t seem to have access to the same google as me.

escapade1234 Mon 20-May-19 10:18:33

I also get really annoyed by people standing at bus stops on their phones - when I know rationally it’s none of my business. I just think they look stupid.

ExpletiveDelighted Mon 20-May-19 10:18:59

Yes and no. I still like chatting and talking as much as ever, and find it easier as I get older as there is so much more life experience / likelihood of finding things in common. I spent hours talking with two people I'd never met before at an event yesterday and it was interesting and enjoyable. My social circle is probably the biggest its ever been, we have plenty of lightweight chat at lunchtime at work.

However my tolerance for the really inane stuff has gone totally, I cannot bear the likes of Chris Evans on the radio. I can't tolerate bullshit or pompousness any more. I'm looking for a new car at the moment and had an incredible urge to tell a patronising salesperson to STFU the other day as I had been driving since before they were born.

lovelygreenjumper Mon 20-May-19 10:23:50

I know what you mean. I'm currently trying to book a holiday and it's reminded me how much I now hate listening to inane crap from other holiday makers. The DC really want to stay in a hotel with pool, slides etc where they can make friends. This is fine and keeps them entertained but I dread being expected to make small talk with the other adults. I don't give a shit how good a deal you got, where you live etc and don't need your advice on the area or how I can get the perfect tan (I simply don't have the pigment to tan but it seems everyone thinks they can overcome this medical fact). And no, I don't want to join you on a night out so you can introduce me to all your great friends in the resort ( who clearly are just people who served you in bars last year too but are too polite to walk away when you deliver your monologue about how amazingly successful you've bern this year.
I think I should holiday on a small uninhabited island!

RosaWaiting Mon 20-May-19 10:26:25

things about make up influencers and YouTube influencers make me want to throw things.

WarIsPeace Mon 20-May-19 10:29:35

grin
Also early - mid 40s here. I feel compelled to stand in front of people who are walking while staring at their phone to make them crash into me. I don't do it, obvs.

And yes to all of the above. I think maybe we just get tired of pretending to be 'nice'

Discombobulated47 Mon 20-May-19 10:32:59

I'm 47 and thought it was just me. Used to be so tolerant of people, what the heck happened?

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