Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

Yes yes!! We are both TITS and FANIS

Project we keep offering to do free murders for the general public but they often just run away from us! I wonder why??

But surely the general public want murder? I mean deep down??

Hurray! I've arrived just in time to be a TITS and FANI. Sorry I missed the rescue, I had to go and check the Ladies Pond for pensises. Its a shame the looney bin wasn't more to our liking, I was just thinking that we could all get committed and have a bit of a rest.

Proj when did you stop being TM? No wonder she's lost it.

Dangly have you got a poster of Rita Hayworth? And a butter knife? These are the makings of a good prison break.

Also if you recite the Lord's Prayer at them they can't hang you. It's called droit de seigneur. I think the LP starts "how do I love thee....."

Can't remember the rest.

Are there peniae in the Laydeez Pond? Definitely a euphemism......

Was it very cold in the ladies pond? Did you swim nekked?

If it was very cold, then it makes the checking for peniae much, much more difficult.

It was 17.5 degrees, which is cold if you're not used to swimming outside, but verging on warm if you are. Not allowed to swim naked sadly, although I have seen women surreptitiously remove their costumes and swim around holding them, putting them back on before emerging. No penises spotted, so I didn't have to masquerade as a hungry pike.

"how do I love thee and forgive thy thou trespasses, let me count the ways..."

The men they are attached to tend not to shrink so much as their delicate organs.

Do you think it would be politically incorrect to leap into the Ladies' Pond hollering COOOOOCK at the top of one's voice and swimming excitedly after penis-havers?

Could it be passed off as friendliness do you think?

Where is the ladies pond? I'm up for a bit of penii checking after my stressful 3 days of employment. Project please hurry and release some funds from your house sale, I need a retirement home ASAP.

Are you out now Dangly? If not perhaps we could blow you out, I'm sure most of us will have some spare explosives knocking about.

Alternatively, how bad would it be to arrive dressed in a scanty bikini with a huge, bulging strap on underneath, thus providing your own Cock?

Oooooh Johnny I like your thinking , self identify as a woman identifying as a man who is a ladeeee

I think us TITS and FANIS could adopt strap on bulging cocks under our slankets.

Rag Hampstead Heath, so you could visit the childers at the fair at the same time.

TL but Rag needs to rest, not visit childers. Rag did you remember to say "no backsies" when you palmed off the childers?

17.5 is Arctic, may as well swim in Svalbard, forget it, I need 28 degrees at least.

Naked yes, massive jizzing cocks. We cease to communicate other than by one jizz for yes, two for no. Sign documents with a big splodge. That's where TM failed.

Is no backsies a euphemism?

Also I have to go to a birthday with 17 million 1yos tomorrow. Would it be a faux pas to charge around the room shouting cock at the top of my voice?

Johnny I think no backsies should be applied in every situation.

Why in the Thigh are you going to a one year old's party? Send the child a cease and desist letter re contact and sign it with jizz.

Is DT home cos I'm pouring crack down this chimbley at a home for the criminally unworried unwell. Brodmore I think, didn't bring my glasses.

She’s probably enjoying it so much she’s forgotten to escape.

Howdy Folks! Yes, sorry you've smuggled in so many treats for me I thought I'd stay on a few days.

Thanks got the crack Thigh , I'm just off to top up my blood/crack levels!