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Original poster

Lying child at the end of my tether

221 replies

PeachPrincess · 11/05/2019 08:48

I’ve been really good friends with one of the school mums since our girls started at nursery together. Our DDs are now 10.

I was worried about the mum for years as she was in a very controlling relationship with her husband that got worse and worse as the years went on. She finally ended the relationship last year.

Financially she’s been really struggling she works full time but has a low paid job he doesn’t pay maintenance. Every day since September I’ve been collecting her DD from school and looking after her for 1.5/ 2 hours until her mum gets back from work. The arrangement in itself is fine and I’m happy to help her out as she is a good friend.

I’ve been doing the after school collections for just over 7 months and I don’t think I can’t continue with it due this girls constant lies that are usually aimed at me.

Some recent examples are we went to a ice cream shop and we all had one but I wouldn’t allow her DD to have one. DDs new Guinea pig bit this girl, we apparently all made pizza from scratch but I didn’t allow her any and made her watch whilst we ate them.

Each time this girl tells her mum these lies she confronts me every single time believing her. The ice cream example mum had given me money for her DDs and then asked for the money back, luckily I’d taken a photo of the girls with there impressive ice creams. The mums response was she “must of forgot”. The Guinea pig lie I was called out on, we hadn’t actually got it yet. DD had said to the girl she was getting one. The mum messaged about being bitten and I said she was welcome to check the empty hutch the next day, she did and the response was “don’t know where her DD got that from then” I was also called out on the pizza example, I had bought pizza for our tea from the supermarket it was on the kitchen counter we hadn’t made them or eaten them so I sent her a photo of them on the side. Her DD “ must have been mistaken” it’s all the time and im sick of being constantly questioned/ accused of these things I never get a apology it’s just brushed off.

She’s constantly telling lies in front of me to her mum silly things like “it’s dress up day tomorrow” “I let my dd have a snack / drink but not her” every single time I pull her up on it in front of the mum and it’s brushed off and a excuse made for it.

Thursday I mentioned to both girls I needed to go into school and check if after school club was on for yesterday as the school had said it may need to be cancelled and we would be informed either way. The girl assured me it was on, DD said the teacher had said something about the club but she was chatting so didn’t hear what was said. Why I trusted her I don’t know, I get a call from school to say I hadn’t collected them. I got to school and questioned why we weren’t told, apparently the kids were told club was canceled on Thursday. I asked the girl why she had lied to me and she shrugged and said “i thought it would be funny” her grandparents picked her up and are having her overnight so I’m now waiting for a message from her mum for no doubt forgetting to collect them or some other tale.

I can’t continue this arrangement anymore as I cannot put up with the hassle of it. Am I right feeling this way? It’s caused a few arguments between me and DH as he has been saying for months to knock this on the head as he’s worried Incase she makes up some serious lies that we can’t prove.

How much notice do you think I should give? Also should I be honest with the mum about my reasoning? I’ve wimped out of a few situations in the past with her.

OP posts:

IAmNotAWitch · 13/05/2019 07:27

Well, that reply makes it nice and easy for you to move right along and not feel bad. Tells you everything you need to know about her.

Good call.

AlyssasBackRolls · 13/05/2019 07:29

Distance yourself from this child. I'm not sure what's going on but it's disrespectful and could land you in hot water if the accusations become more serious.

Original poster

PeachPrincess · 13/05/2019 07:35

I’ve not responded and don’t intend to, I don’t want to get dragged into a argument.

I did panic when I saw the message from her but her parents are so close to school and retired it’s not like she has no options at all.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Families

mummmy2017 · 13/05/2019 07:43

Your answer to her should she say anything is.

I am sure you have to see your child is unhappy being with me, as a good mum you wouldn't want to force her to stay at mine..
Any time she asks just now tell her that won't work for me.

HJWT · 13/05/2019 07:44

@mummmy2017 exactly

AllGoodDogs · 13/05/2019 07:53

Oh wow. What a CF indeed.

Good for you, OP. I hope this doesn't ruin your friendship and your "friend" calms down once she's sorted out other arrangements. We'll done for not getting caught up in a back and forth but my tongue would be bleeding my now!

justilou1 · 13/05/2019 10:04

Wait until you hear how she bad-mouths you at the school gate! (Or on social media...) This Woman is going to aggressively defend her little angel no matter what!

Soubriquet · 13/05/2019 10:22

Well done OP

CharDee · 13/05/2019 11:24

Well done for putting your foot down.

My sister had this with her friend's daughter. She ended up refusing to have her over anymore. I was round once after my youngest niece was born and the girl was there for an after school play date. She said she was going up to the toilet and ended up going in to my sisters room where the baby was in the cot. I followed her up and saw she'd put a chip in the baby's mouth. When I caught her she said that she was going to tell everyone I'd told her it was ok.

The girl later went on to accuse her step dad of abusing her which she later admitted that she'd lied about.

FoxSquadKitten · 13/05/2019 11:57

I followed her up and saw she'd put a chip in the baby's mouth.

😱

CharDee · 13/05/2019 12:16

@FoxSquadKitten I was so shocked too and so glad I decided to go up after her.

I saw her lean over the cot and asked what she was doing and she just said "Nothing, I just thought the baby was hungry."

When I saw the chip I was surprisingly calm and just asked her why she thought that was a good idea and she just laughed at me.

Absolute horror of a child she was.

JingsMahBucket · 13/05/2019 15:56

@PeachPrincess this may sound horrible or mean, but I would also instruct your daughter not to hang out with her as much. I’d be really concerned that bullying or extraordinary lying/accusations may start.

yermawyabas · 13/05/2019 16:48

How did you get on op?

Original poster

PeachPrincess · 13/05/2019 19:21

My friend was at school pick up today. There are two gates to collect and she went to the other gate I’m assuming to avoid me.

No further response from her either says it all really.

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 13/05/2019 19:29

Her (expensive) loss. I wouldn't be surprised she was already on the prowl for your replacement.

woolduvet · 13/05/2019 19:40

So no, thanks so much for all you've done for us.

WellThisIsShit · 13/05/2019 20:44

Glad you ended it, such a shame it had to end this way though. But I do see that the risks within giving her more notice were just too high to make it a sensible choice.

So I’ll rephrase: It’s such a shame when people back other helpful people into a corner where they have no choice but to end things abruptly.

I’m sure you won’t hear the last of this but the main thing is that you’ve protected yourself and your family from these lies that the mother swallows hook, line and sinker.

That poor child, she’s obviously learnt that human relationships are about power, manipulation and gas lighting... no prizes for guessing how she’s got to that idea. I hope she has enough positive input to balance it out over time.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 14/05/2019 07:22

I think her response shows she never had any kind of respect of gratitude towards you, and that she's extremely selfish.

I also think that by not responding you've done the right thing.

She's got to take responsibility for her child, her child's actions and the consequences of those actions. This is a direct consequence of her child's actions, her refusal to do anything about it and accuse innocent people off the back of her DDs lies.

If she expects people to just put up with it, she's in for a shock.

beanaseireann · 14/05/2019 12:32

Her loss OP
You were a good friend, putting yourself out to help her.
Stupid woman.

beanaseireann · 14/05/2019 12:33

I meant she's a stupid woman to lose a lovely friend like you.

SirVixofVixHall · 14/05/2019 13:10

How incredibly entitled and ungrateful. If a friend was doing me such a huge favour, and my child was badly behaved enough to upset that friend to the point where she could no longer continue, I would be apologising and very embarrassed.

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