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Original poster

Need to cancel our holiday, what to tell the children?

138 replies

Whyknot · 10/05/2019 21:08

Dh has just been diagnosed with a serious condition, still undergoing tests so we'll know more in about 6 weeks.

We are due to go abroad in the Whit holidays, docs advice is not to and the holiday insurance have said he won't be able to get any cover until all testing is completed. So holiday is cancelled Sad

We need to tell dc we're not going on holiday but how without making them worry, would rather wait to tell them more once all testing is done?

We have dsd 16 who is in the middle of her GCSEs, dsd 13 and our ds 8.

They're going to be so upset, ds has been counting the days and hasn't been abroad for 2 years, so is so excited.

Realistically to soften the blow we can probably do a UK hol in Aug, but nothing in Whit, as appts are likely to be that week.

What reason shall we give them?

OP posts:
FiremanKing · 10/05/2019 21:14

Don’t lie.

Daddy has to have some special tests at the hospital and we have to cancel the holiday.

TheThievingDIL · 10/05/2019 21:16

Tricky. Either you have to be completely honest from now, or you blame it on work if you're sure you won't be found out until end of GCSE's.
Have you spoken to dsc's mother?

Original poster
Whyknot · 10/05/2019 21:22

I thought I would call dsd's mum tomorrow to discuss it with her. Dh told her today what is going on but didn't talk about the holiday then. I'm trying to sort this side of things to give him a bit less stress.

I would rather be as truthful as possible but expecting lots of questions if we say anything medical.

Oh god I just don't know what to say without causing more upset!

OP posts:

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Fairylea · 10/05/2019 21:22

Be honest. You don’t have to tell them it’s anything serious at this stage but you can tell them dh needs some hospital tests and you’ve been told you can’t travel.

LoveIsHope · 10/05/2019 21:23

I would be tempted to say there’s been a problem with the booking and so you have to move the dates to the summer.

RussellSprout · 10/05/2019 21:25

Why cant you tell the truth? ( In an age appropriate way)

moreismore · 10/05/2019 21:25

I agree be honest. Could you organise a treat in the short term as a distraction? Something to refocus excitement on?

Whoops75 · 10/05/2019 21:27

I would tell the older two a version of the truth and the 8 yr old that the plane is booked out.

Wolfcubisthefemalenominal · 10/05/2019 21:28

I would usually say honesty but the GCSEs and potentially distracting dd during them makes me think that a reasonable excuse like work or an appt you can’t change or a problem with the company is a better option. Can you book a uk weekend break around the appointments?

Original poster
Whyknot · 10/05/2019 21:30

I think the truth will cause too much worry for dsd during her exams, she is a worrier.

But you're right, I don't want to lie either Sad.

Oh what a mess.

OP posts:
VanessaShanessaJenkins · 10/05/2019 21:33

I'd probably say something like the hotel isn't finished yet/ taken longer than expected/ having work done so it needs to be delayed.

That is if you don't want to tell them the truth.

Original poster
Whyknot · 10/05/2019 21:34

Sorry x posted with a few.

I will try and come up with a treat thing to do, but I think money is going to become tight.

Hadn't thought of telling ds separately, will have a think on that. We need to say something this weekend, otherwise it will be all they talk about.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 10/05/2019 21:36

My parents used to lie about this kind of thing when we were children. We always knew they weren't telling the truth. I would tell them what is happening in an age appropriate way, which would basically be saying that he needs some medical tests and can't go away until you have the results.

SeaToSki · 10/05/2019 21:38

I would lie. Say there has been a water main break at the hotel and they have cancelled your booking, but its quite lucky as it means that you can fit in xy and z instead. A list of boring stuff that only a Mum would be excited about getting done. Mention Dad getting his blood test in the list. While they are busy moaning about the dentist and emptying the attic for a clear out, they probably will not remember the doctors appointments.

Tavannach · 10/05/2019 21:39

I think the truth will cause too much worry for dsd during her exams, she is a worrier.

I think this a situation where you ask DSD's mother what she thinks.

Can you organise some fun days out locally?

Citygirl2019 · 10/05/2019 21:39

I would them them the truth. I'd also contact the 16 year olds school and make sure they were aware. If there is difficult news over the exam period, it would help if they knew in advance.

SeaToSki · 10/05/2019 21:40

Or be mendacious and say the hotel booking has been cancelled (dont be precise about who cancelled it) then continue with the boring bit for distraction / deflection purposes

TeenTimesTwo · 10/05/2019 21:40

Normally I would go for the truth.
But with the GCSEs I would try to find any other plausible reason - plane overbooked or something.
You need to tell them all the same thing as otherwise one could let slip to the other.

RubberTreePlant · 10/05/2019 21:40

Realistically to soften the blow we can probably do a UK hol in Aug, but nothing in Whit, as appts are likely to be that week.

So it would be true to say you're rescheduling rather than cancelling?

What reason shall we give them?

Could you get away with a simple "too busy"?

SeaToSki · 10/05/2019 21:44

Sorry another post, but my brain is working in fits and starts today.

If they figure it out later on, you can quite rightly tell them that yes you were somewhat deceptive, BUT you were quite rightly trying to get your and DH heads round the whole thing first. It was a big shock and scary, and you wanted a chance to get over being scared first just as adults so that you could then be able to help the dc if they were scared when they were told. Also wanting more concrete info before you told them and not just vague possibilities.

Oh and sending hugs to you and DH. I hope the news from the test is good.

Springwalk · 10/05/2019 21:44

No, please don’t be honest.
Until you know for sure, please do not be tempted to ‘be honest’
Honest about what?
You don’t know anything yet.
Tell them work commitments means the holiday will now be in August.
Ask them to choose a day out instead.
Op refuse to add stress to this. If it is bad news it will need to be very carefully managed.

Bright and breezy. Esp before dsd exams.
I speak from experience.

JaneEyre07 · 10/05/2019 21:45

Children aren't stupid, and they will worry far more about what could be going on than they will about what is actually going on.

Be honest, be age appropriate and let them ask questions.

callmeadoctor · 10/05/2019 21:45

Hell, there is no way I would risk causing grief during GCSEs for any reason!!!!!! (particularly as it is only because of tests, not a family death or anything. It could be nothing!!!) I would definitely lie and maybe say that there had been a mistake in booking , so it has been transferred to the summer. No problem and don't make a big deal out of it.

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 10/05/2019 21:47

Honestly, I think it depends on what the condition is.

If it's a serious condition that he'll have to live with (say, type 1 diabetes) but which is not immediately life threatening (I know it can be life threatening but it's not a treatment/get better situation) then I'd tell them.

If it's potentially life threatening then I wouldn't tell them until you know exactly what you are facing, it's not fair on them.

So it depends what the situation is as to whether I'd tell them the truth, in scenario 1, or a lie in scenario 2. You can always later say 'And unfortunately that's the real reason we had to cancel the holiday'.

0hT00dles · 10/05/2019 21:48

Best thing to do is tell the truth. Over Easter we had to cancel a holiday as my dad took ill 3 days before. We were open with our eldest dd who is 5(just turned 5) as she remembered the last time her grandad took ill and almost died. Was pretty much the same scenario this time-but she was 3. He made it out. He’s not old. But she sensed something was up. She was upset to begin with; but we were in and out of the hospital so she didn’t fight us.

Honesty is the best policy. Your step kids and your own child would rather know the truth.

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