Need to cancel our holiday, what to tell the children?

[Whyknot]

Dh has just been diagnosed with a serious condition, still undergoing tests so we'll know more in about 6 weeks.

We are due to go abroad in the Whit holidays, docs advice is not to and the holiday insurance have said he won't be able to get any cover until all testing is completed. So holiday is cancelled

We need to tell dc we're not going on holiday but how without making them worry, would rather wait to tell them more once all testing is done?

We have dsd 16 who is in the middle of her GCSEs, dsd 13 and our ds 8.

They're going to be so upset, ds has been counting the days and hasn't been abroad for 2 years, so is so excited.

Realistically to soften the blow we can probably do a UK hol in Aug, but nothing in Whit, as appts are likely to be that week.

What reason shall we give them?

Do not tell a child who is about to take her GCSE that her dad is having medical tests. Hotel overbooked / flights cancelled / anything but that. And i am fairly stunned you planned to take a child away in the middle of her gcse anyway so it’s not a disaster anyway. But please don’t get her worried at the moment.

I considered taking them by myself but I think he needs me here at the moment and I'd spend the whole time worrying. Appts may well come through for that week.

I think that may be why they tell you not to travel, because sometimes they can phone and ask you to come right away, if it is something that needs urgent treatment or investigation.

There's absolutely no need to inflict worry on any DC when that DC is in the middle of public exams and these are only tests. Just use any plausible excuse for the cancellation and deal with honesty later - anything else is incredibly self-absorbed. A holiday abroad in the middle of GCSEs is a pretty dodgy idea so it makes me wonder how much that DC's situation is taken into account anyway.

Insurance will pay out for the whole family and then the money we get back will be used for a short UK break in the summer.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, we're reeling a bit and the holiday is just another issue to deal with.

I agree with this idea, considering the gcses. Hope everything is OK for you guys

I agree Goodbye stranger, GCSEs have taken over our house at the moment!!!!! Do not stress your 16 year old!!!!!!!!!

Wow goodbye have you even read all of my answers?

My nan was ill when I first took my GCSEs and it was all I could think about. I didn’t do as well as expected and although that’s probably not the only reason it definitely had an impact on my mental health at that time.

A white lie in these circumstances would be the right thing to do - it’s unfair for your dsd to have this on her shoulders whilst taking her exams. Thinking about it, If it wasn’t for the holiday I doubt you’d even be contemplating telling the children until you know the results for sure.

I would say there has been a problem with your holiday booking and thus cannot go that week, and unfortunately you have to been told to re-schedule for the summer holidays. Then I'd distract and ask them if they still want to go to xyz or would they prefer to pick somewhere else.

I'm having this same problem at the mo, DH has been diagnosed with cancer and DS starts GCSE this week, we are keeping everything hidden until after the exams. We are due to go on hols 9th July - seeing oncology Monday to find out options and see if we can still go.

Company made a mistake with the booking so you will have to reschedule.

We didn’t tell DD (10) when we were in a similar situation. She is a real worrier and is would affect her badly if she knew.

Evildog that's a good point actually, we wouldn't be saying anything if it wasn't for the holiday.

Just needed a good enough reason to say for the cancellation and plenty of ideas given above.

The dcs will have to be told something at a later date, this is unfortunately not going to go away, but by that point we'll know more what we're dealing with.

For the record, I didn't want to go away in Whit in the first place due to GCSEs, it was a joint decision between the 3 of them.

notapizza so sorry to hear this, best wishes to you all

stupid test waited for months & dd got this test now - oh well cant cancel it, etc shrug shoulders etc - play it down make the test mundane so if dc overhear your conversation you can - ahem- lie easier- I had this years ago - BUT eventually my dh was well (is well!) & my dc were able to get through their exams & we were able to explain afterwards - its only for a short time

My parents had to do this when my dad had cancer. We were never told it was cancer, just his kidney was bad and needed removing so we would have to change the dates of Disneyland - we were early teens so a little younger. Maybe a limited truth would work best? I hope all goes well with DH.

Honesty is a good policy.

However, with children it has to be age & time appropriate as well as +knowing* what you’re telling them. It’s unfair to burden them with things that you are worrying about, but might not even be correct.

Right before DSD’s exams is not the right time to tell her about DH’s condition/illness and that he needs more tests.

Pick the excuse they’ll most likely believe and tell them you’ll book something as soon as you can.

After her exams and when you know more you can be honest.

I’m very sorry to hear about your DH. I really hope it’s as minor as it could possibly be x

notapizzaeater I’m very sorry to hear about your DH too 🌷. I really hope his prognosis is good and you can still go on holiday too.

Schools say don't go away during that half term in GCSE year. Blame that.

The worries you have are obviously the test results themselves (which you will deal with as adults between yourselves before talking to the children about them), and your DSD’s GCSE’s.

Honestly, I would say nothing at all until the eve of the holidays. Last minute cancellation because a hospital appointment has come up which can’t be moved (“you know the NHS” blah blah). Tell her you’ll let them know the results when you can. When they arrive, take time to absorb them and get your head around them. Once GCSE’s are over, tell the children. You’ll have more mental space to deal with their reactions as you’ll have had a head start.

They are children. They don’t need a blow by blow account. It’ll be hard for you but it’s in their best interests. And it’s not lying. Telling today instead of tomorrow won’t change the results. It’s the kind thing to do.

You’ll have to go along with their enthusiasm, but I really don’t subscribe to children being treated as adults when they’re not. They don’t need to know the truth, immediately, all the time. Especially when to do so won’t bring about good, it would only bring harm.

Sorry you’re in this situation.

Whyknot yes indeed I've read what you've said and have been/ am in exactly this position myself and not said anything at all, simply made excuses where required. My mother did the same for me during my finals. A parental duty to not cause additional strain during exams trumps honesty as far as I'm concerned, by some way.

goodbye sorry you're going through similar and I completely agree with your take on it. I was referring to my answers as to why the holiday was booked for then and felt you were being a bit harsh

Can anyone else take the children?

Only my parents but I don't think dsd's would want to do that.

For the record, I didn't want to go away in Whit in the first place due to GCSEs, it was a joint decision between the 3 of them.

I'm all for democracy but not when it's bound to yield the wrong result!