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Original poster

I'm really not a very nice person

496 replies

notaniceperson71 · 09/05/2019 19:06

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

OP posts:
SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 10/05/2019 10:42

I think not so nice things all the time,I think its human nature to a certain extent.If you dont act on them then no harm done imo.

NottonightJosepheen · 10/05/2019 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarolDanvers · 10/05/2019 11:07

Sounds like some of you would support Thought Crime as a concept, which is worrying.

Aquilla · 10/05/2019 11:13

You are extremely normal.

SuePerbly · 10/05/2019 11:22

@cherry2727 As I used to tell my patients when I was a mental health nurse: thoughts aren't facts. If they were, I would have shagged Hugh Jackman, Robert Downey Jr and The Rock.

We all have random thoughts slide across our brains. Some nice, some not so nice. That happens to everyone and is a sign of being human.

If someone never had a "bad" thought in their head, then frankly, I would wonder what was being repressed. And recommend counselling.

Thoughts are nothing to worry about. Actions are what matter. The OP's ability to know that some of her thoughts are unacceptable to her, means that she simply has self awareness.

SallyWD · 10/05/2019 11:22

I'm like you too OP. I'm considered a nice person and do genuinely have lots of kind thoughts towards people. I have a lot of empathy and get very upset to see people or animals suffering. However there are times when I have means thoughts. E. G. a friend of mine is a wonderful friend to me, so loving, supportive and caring yet when she's in a relationship with men she seems to go completely mad. There's so much drama and hysteria, she's always in tears, smashing plated etc. She can never see that the problem is her. She's always the victim in her mind. She's had so many partners I've lost count and her current new man thinks she's some kind of perfect angel. The mean part of me thinks "Oh just you wait mate. You should get out now while you can!" but I feel awful as my friend would never wish anything bad on me. I sometimes wish minor bad things on my friend's when I feel they deserve it. It's hard to reconcile this element of my personality when I'm usually compassionate.

RickOShay · 10/05/2019 11:28

I am with you carol.
Not being perfect myself I don’t expect it from other people.
I would far far rather have the op as a mate, than somebody mock virtuous. I have suffered enough at the hands of those people.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2019 13:01

I'm really quite surprised at these responses. Not being happy when something horrible happens to your friends doesn't mean youre perfect or never have mean thoughts. Not one person said that. Not one. In fact the opposite, it's been widely said it's normal to have mean thoughts about people you don't particularly like.

What's being said is abnormal is being gleeful when something horrible happens to someone you call a friend. That's not normal. And people can hurl as much abuse and insults st those of us saying it as they wish, it simply doesn't change the fact it's not normal to be gleeful when something horrid happens to your friends.

Gleeful when it's someone you don't particularly like. Sure that's human, gleeful when it's your friend, absolutely not.

EllenMP · 10/05/2019 13:05

I think people should be judged by their words and deeds. The thoughts in your head are private and you don’t have to explain or justify or feel bad about them. What you think and feel is out of your control. What you do and say is in your control, though. So stop sending your cat to your neighbors garden (if you really do have some sort of control over it) and don’t worry about the rest. Holding the door for a cleaner helps them, even if it is only performative.

LisaD76 · 10/05/2019 13:06

I think we should be best friends😂😂😂 I am always nice but have very dark thoughts sinetimes

LisaD76 · 10/05/2019 13:06

Sorry sometimes

RosaWaiting · 10/05/2019 13:34

Bluntness I was really surprised by the replies you got.

OP gives me the feeling you get when you think you've made a friend, someone you can call in a time of need - and then you discover that person was actually just waiting for you to fall down so they can laugh.

it's not about expecting anyone to be perfect. it's expecting them to care about the people they claim to care about. On reflection, I suspect OP does mean acquaintances rather than friends.

SuePerbly · 10/05/2019 13:48

But OP has said that the friend who may need to move was always boasting about what she had. It's possible to be friends with someone at some level and feel annoyed at some of their bad habits. And to then hope that misfortune changes them for the better.

It isn't nice, but it is normal. It isnt the same as wishing bad fortune on someone you like.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2019 14:17

Rosa, I guess I'm not...🤷‍♀️

I'm not sure rhe op is hoping misfortune that befalls her friends changes them for the better, that's not how she positioned it. Simply it "pleased" her when it did. Yet maybe there is an altruistic side to it.

I would also hope she means acquaintances and not friends. For me a friend is someone you care about, trust, enjoy being with, and I'm never going to agree it's normal to be pleased when something bad happens to them. As said, someone you don't particularly like, sure.we all get that, but not someone you call a friend.

Deathraystare · 10/05/2019 15:23

Wow! In comparison I am Mother Theresa Mark II!!!!

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 10/05/2019 15:49

What's being said is abnormal is being gleeful when something horrible happens to someone you call a friend. That's not normal. And people can hurl as much abuse and insults st those of us saying it as they wish, it simply doesn't change the fact it's not normal to be gleeful when something horrid happens to your friends.

Totally agree. I wouldnt want support off someone who, deep down, was happy about my difficult situation.

Actions matter, but by acting nice while being happy about someones misfortune just makes you a hypocrite.

I can imagine response would be very different if an OP posted that their dp admitted they were happy they were having a difficult time of it, but was really supportive and nice at the same time.

Noobcrumble · 10/05/2019 16:15

Why do you want your cat to do this? Do you dislike your neighbours or is it because it means they’re not shitting in your own garden? Both bad but if the latter, you’re an utter c**t.

Grammar · 10/05/2019 17:26

Mmm, I feel mixed. Human nature is not always attractive, in many ways, downright evil, in some views.
I think, for me it depends on the person.
If they act entitled, full of themselves, a bit smug, the I can't wait for the Sword of Damocles to fall.
However, I equally, am enormously fond of my friends and some wider acquaintances.
" We all shit and die, Mama".
Can't remember who said that. But it's an edict I learnt in my 20s. Never more apposite.

Rabblemum · 10/05/2019 17:30

Make sure these thoughts stay thoughts and this good look at your life. You may need to make some changes to stop having these thoughts. I detested a neighbour and encouraged my cat to shit in their garden, they were horrible people though.

Do get help, these nasty thoughts are covering worse issues, don’t carry on being negative.

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2019 17:33

I'm curious the people who say it's normal to have these feeling about your friends, is it also normal to have the same feelings about your spouse or children? Do you feel pleased when something bad happens in their lives? Or is it just with your friends you feel pleased when something bad happens to them?

strawberrisc · 10/05/2019 17:39

There’s someone on MN who sets my teeth on edge every time they post. She’s never “spoken” to me. Not done anything particularly twatty but makes me feel the rage! Does that make me a bad person?

Bluntness100 · 10/05/2019 17:42

A bit over invested but not a bad person no.

keffie12 · 10/05/2019 17:43

Oh I think that everyone of people have had similar thoughts at times. You haven't acted on them. I suspect the married one guy one is just that a fantasy and a fantasy you wouldt do if it really came down to us.

I don't think nice or not nice come into it. We all have horrible thoughts at times. I wouldn't even admit some of mine on here though I have to my close friend as she has to me.

We wre all addicted to horrible thinking. I know my thoughts but my thoughts dont know me! Think about it. My thoughts arent really me or who I am.

Thats a bit of non duality speech. If you want to find out more pop on you tube and listen to Rupert Spira. He is my spiritual guide on matters I am listening to right now

Fresta · 10/05/2019 17:52

Oh come on- no cat owner wants their cat to shit in their own back yard! I hate my neighbour- I love it when my cat uses her garden as a toilet- especially as her own cat shits in the middle of the lawn!

Abbodabs · 10/05/2019 17:54

This could of been written by me Grin

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