I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

When I get these thoughts it makes me realise that I'm feeling insecure in myself. So, no judgement and no blame but if you were content then these things would inspire compassion not joy. Completely normal!

I think you sound lovely. The people who really worry me are the ones I've met who don't admit to their dark side. Those are the ones who really need to be watched. The pillars of the community who talk a good game but don't fool me. You're being honest and human and I applaud you.

it makes you an cow, and a prime target for Karma.

Just my opinion.

I can be mean too, usually when people have wronged me, but to be pleased when someones husband has lost their job ? just nasty, and small minded.

You did ask

You don't really want anything awful to happen to anyone, you're just venting because you can't in everyday life. That's it. Don't let the thought police tell you different.

People rarely realise how readable they are. Your thoughts produce feelings which express themselves in your body language, facial expressions and vibe... It's usually obvious but where it's less open, the most subtle expressions are still read by the subconscious. Some people can't read others at all but they're in the minority. People will see you and they'll also be reflecting back negative energy in response to you...

You are very unhappy and relishing other people's misfortune makes you feel better about yourself. Improve yourself, improve your relationships or find better ones, fix what you don't like about your life and create happiness within yourself. Then you won't feel delight when a 'friend' has something terrible happen to them. You'll feel compassion. And they'll see it.

I'm not a nice person but my in-laws are. They never say a mean thing about anyone, they never gossip and when I do they look a bit shocked.

One of them was having a really bad issue with his daughter-in-law and when he told us about it he started out by saying, "I really love her but......" Then he excused her behavior quickly. That's as gossipy as I've ever seen any of them.

They must think I'm awful because I disclose who I don't like and why - often.

In the 1960's my SIL dated a young man who later became a serial killer. I didn't know this until I read about him in an Ann Rule book and noticed the location and asked if anyone had heard about it. SIL actually said, "Oh, and he was such a nice boy".

My husband was he same way. He told me years ago he could never 'hate' anybody. After 35 years of being married to me he's learned to hate. (lol).

I always wonder if they really think sunny thoughts about the people who have wronged them.

I used to be more envious/compare myself more when I was younger. So I kind of understand your feelings to some extent. I'd say it was more like a slight relief when a perfect-seeming person became a bit more normal.

Now I'm older, I really don't give a toss what other people think of me and I really don't compare myself or feel envious of anyone and I really, really enjoy feeling this way.

I have no idea if any of my friends are hiding their inner-cuntiness, but if they are, they are all doing a great job of it . I have recently got divorced, I have an autistic child. I previously had an (outwardly appearing) enviable lifestyle. I wonder if any of my friends are secretly thrilled

I think what you describe is pretty normal and to be honest I would be deeply suspicious of someone that claimed that jealousy had never got the better of them

Me to anyone who says they have never experienced at least one of these naughty feelings is a monumental self-deluding liar!

This is hilarious apart from the cat thing

You sound absolutely horrible and are looking for confirmation that this is normal and acceptable

No it isn’t

I worked with someone like you. Said all the right things but actually loved bitching and relishing other people’s downfall and thought other people didn’t notice

Trust me they do!

I think it must be to do with the fact that you probably don’t like yourself or people very much and so rejoice in this inner superiority

Have a nice life!

I can only hope horrible things happen to you and that others crow about it.

You're right, you're not a nice person, you just want people to think you are- hence on the surface

What struck me about your post was "holding doors open for cleaners ....waiting staff. Why wouldn't you hold a door open for a human- regardless of their job?

Why wouldn't you stick up for people being treated badly regardless of their job?

It seems that by mentioning their jobs (which I think you must see as quite lowly) that you have actually shown your true colours. Almost unconscious bias there.

"I am no better than you -cleaner and so therefore I will hold the door open for you" I think this means that you actually on some level feel superior and it as though you are "protesting too much.

I must be a nice person because I hold the door open for cleaners- laughable!

So most people probably already know that you are not a nice person.

To everyone who says thoughts don’t matter - trust me they do!

I’m always reminded of this quote - because what dwells in your mind works it’s way out eventually:

Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

It all just sounds a bit negative to me, I just couldn't be bothered with the negative energy and thoughts needed to care about what my colleagues are doing, or to encourage my cat to do something to make someone else's day worse etc. That's more energy than just leaving your cat to do what it wants, that energy could be used to do something more positive.
I mean, you do you and if this works for you and the people around you thsts fine. I don't think you need to feel bad about yourself for feeling this way, but if I were you I'd be interested to know why I wanted to surround myself with so much unhappiness, as well as what was happening in my marriage that I had no loyalty to my life partner.
No judgement, I think the people saying you're horrible need to get a grip, I'm not sure why they think telling strangers on the internet they're horrible, makes them such nice people,
but it does all just all sound a bit sad.

Think back to the last really difficult experience you had. Think of who you confided in, who supported you. A good friend, perhaps. Then imagine that friend, while making all the right supportive noises, was privately thinking, 'good, I'm glad this has happened - she gets all the luck - was due a bit of a come-uppance'.

How would that make you feel? If your answer is 'shocked and upset', perhaps you had better consider your attitudes.

Sorry but think it’s abit twisted to feel this about friends or family you purport to care about. Would you snigger if your dd fell over in a performance or something? I feel what you do about horrid people like Julian Assange or footballer rapists not my lovely friends.

I think you may be my sister 😂😂😂

Or maybe just soul sister. I am exactly like this!

I could never be pleased that anyone had lost their job and had to sell their home. These things are really traumatic, especially if they have children. I would feel sorry for them never pleased. That really is just nastiness.

The cat thing is also nasty.

But everyone likes it when their friends gain weight!!!!!!!! Absolutely. Another cake bestie??

Most people do this so you're not bad apart from the shag thing.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who never took things or takes things in for their Birthday, I remember being quizzed on this once by someone! "Why don't you bring chocolates in on your birthday so we can all share them?" I was too astounded at the sheer CFery of it to reply! What,so everyone can suddenly sprout huge hands and take handfuls? Wait, aren't you supposed to be giving ME chocolate not the other way round? Never quite understood that.

I am horrified that so many think this is normal and delight in the misery of others! I thought it was just a particular group of women my DM chooses to be friends with.

Now I'm wondering if people really like me or if they're delighted when I'm sad and are they hoping for some horrible disaster to happen to me so they can revel in it.

Hand on heart I have never wanted my friends or family to fail or be miserable. I love them. Perhaps it's a neurotypical thing which I am glad to have escaped, being autistic.

I wonder if it's more of a thing where you enjoy the gossip element rather than actively enjoying the misfortune?

Argh please don't with the cat thing. I get really sick going anywhere near cat faeces and as a result my toddler hasn't been out in our garden in a year because our neighbours have 14 cats between them, and they use my garden as a toilet! Think whatever thoughts you want but actually encouraging your pet to do this, is not nice behavior.

I’d be genuinely upset if my BF lost her house - I love my friends and want them to be happy.
I would Never knowingly shag a married man.
The fat thing - I do get that - but that’s my issue
When I worked, I didn’t need others to mess up, I was just good at my job and it showed.
The cat thing - I’m on the receiving end of that - it’s horrible!
You do sound more mean than the average woman imo.

Ghandi said: when what you think, what you say and what you do are the same then you are content/happy. That's a paraphrase but it's totally true. So if you are happy being happy with being horrible then it's okay.

Maybe your husband has a crush that he too would shag at the drop of a hat.

Everyone is capable of being vile.

And when you're on the receiving end of misfortune or vile behaviour, I think that is when you have a rethink about your own nastiness.

^

Look up irony, you'll see this post.

How do you stop cats shitting in others gardens? Just got kittens and feeling really guilty now