I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

I do have “naughty little thoughts” but maybe less extreme and when someone has been a fucker and has gotten their comeuppance, I do think, “it bloody serves you right”.
I do remember the pain of things not going well for me and having a parallel relative by marriage being a really high achiever and seemingly perfect and feeling sick every time she got an amazing job/qualification. Thankfully, getting older has made me see all is not as it seems and my own doggedness can pay off and I would never swap places with that person. You never know what someone is going through, how much better you may have it and how much you can achieve yourself. It’s like that quote about comparison making one unhappy. I can still feel the pain of that, still remember it, but I can’t remember the specifics. I’m glad about that, because it means I know how those damaging thoughts feel, but I don’t hold on to the shitty thoughts.

I hate it when bad things happen to people I love (family, friends), and am genuinely happy for their successes.

But there are some acquaintances who I would not mind being taken down a peg, the popular school mum whose son bullied my DS? I have bad thoughts about her, don't wish her well. The neighbour who steals things from my garden (even water , I caught him pulling my hose over his fence to water his plants....nutter), he has a loud nasal voice and has loud friends over all the time, I do not think nice thoughts about him...

The colleague who was al nicey-nicey then tried to get me sacked, hmmmm I would not mind her losing her job...

But that makes me wonder how you can feel like this,about your friends?! Are they really friends....?

I only feel like this about arseholes who have wronged me , and those are not friends!

Blimey, there's schadenfreude and then there's this - I hope this isn't what loads of people secretly think behind a facade of niceness!

Having the occasional unpleasant impulse and thought is one thing, but I think good people try to suppress them and are usually ashamed of them (especially when they concern their so-called friends and loved ones). Seeming proud of them is nasty, imho.

If things are rough for you, it is normal to feel a bit of jealousy at people having what you do not. But that is different from feeling glad at people's ill fortune.

I do find that people who aren’t nice at all tend to think they are lovely. It’s people who criticise themselves and who recognise when they are being “bad” and actually feel guilt are much nicer people.

The people on Facebook who I saw posting about “mental health week” or whatever were literally the most vile people. One was an old supervisor at my old work who half the team complained about for bullying. At least you have some self awareness.

Solitude Being secretly glad bad things happen to horrible people is totally understandable. It would seem like karma. Because men who rape, those who beat up their partners and similar, rarely seem to get their comeuppance.

HiThere I don't see much sense of guilt in most of these comments.

Wow. Just wow. You ok hun??

I’m sitting here having visions of OP holding her cat over the fence and squeezing it like a sauce bottle into the neighbour’s garden. I suppose I’d better read the whole thread now.

I don't see much sense of guilt in most of these comments

Well she’s calling herself horrible/vile etc. I know the original post isn’t exactly nice to read but I think we all occasionally have bad thoughts and at least if you are aware it’s better than being in denial about what a great person you are.

"Every time a friend succeeds I die a little". Gore Vidal. Maybe read Palimpsest?

I don't think you sound very nice.

Have you ever been through misfortune? It makes people kinder in my experience.

I get upset that my cat poops in non cat owners gardens. They do poo in mine, I’m a keen gardener, and I am “happy” to pick up their poop. But, it’s not fair that they are digging about in other fresh beds. I Also have a cat litter tray. Apologies to everyone for my cats poo.

Neither I or DP are like this.

^

Course not. He's perfect too

I think @CarolDanvers just said what most of MN thinks 😂

You're normal op. Your thoughts are private and I doubt it's written all over your face. Everyone has weird or bad thoughts or whatever, it doesn't mean they're going around twirling their moustache.

Love that a pp has said their dp doesn't have bad thoughts. Mind reading is a very special power.

I’m sitting here having visions of OP holding her cat over the fence and squeezing it like a sauce bottle into the neighbour’s garden.

I think the worst thing I have been glad about is when my SIL/BIL had a second child and she was worse behaved than our first, they used to be so smug and SIL even went so far as to wish us luck on our eldest being good with our youngest (our eldest by the way has been an amazing and loving big sister).

In comparison their second took her nappy off and stomped poop in to their white rug (which inside pleased me very much haha) and their eldest is very unkind to their youngest on a regular basis.

While I wouldn't say anything I kind of think I am glad it happened to them haha, I wouldn't have wished it on them though.

I do think some of your thoughts are very mean BTW, taking gladness from other people'sserious downfalls in generally not a nice trait to have.

I’m sitting here having visions of OP holding her cat over the fence and squeezing it like a sauce bottle into the neighbour’s garden.

Thank you for explaining how she does it, I've been waiting ages to find out . Just goes to show how awful she is that she wouldn't explain it herself .

No one on this thread has said they are perfect.

However, op is on a different level. In my opinion. She might be calling herself horrible, but it's quite clear she actually is quite proud of it, doesn't think she is horrible and thinks it's normal.

OP you say your friend is a bit boasty. If she boasts to the point you are happy she is having to sell her family home, then why be friends with her. I, am not perfect, no where near. My best friend isnt. When her husband lost his job, I never for one second felt even a sense of happiness. Because she is my friend.

While you might be outwardly nice, it seems odd to me you would sit and support someone whilst having these thoughts.

As I said, I can be an arse. But the friend losing her home, crosses a line and isnt normal in my opinion.

Oh and the cheating might be in your head. But I bet 99% of posters wouldnt be happy if they found out, the only reason their spouse wasnt cheating was simply because they might not get away with it.

Your ‘sins’ seem all related to status, and schadenfreude over status.

Since humans are a bit more complex than just ‘nice or evil’, maybe you’d benefit from looking into the Enneagram model of personality profiling. They break personality into 9 types, but then each type has levels of behaviour that depends on how stressed they are or how much they are working on themselves. Think of it like a spectrum for each type, depending on how healthy your personality is. I think you’d get a lot out of it.

My guess is that you’re a Type 3, and becoming concerned at how your need for status is influencing your relationships- perhaps preventing you from showing (and feeling) true empathy and compassion.

Try and find a legitimate online source for Enneagram information (and testing), there are loads of slightly superficial/money making ones cropping up. It’s a real eye-opener.

I find it easy to be jealous of others. And that's not a nice quality.
Why aren't you more ashamed? You sound proud.

CarolDanvers I have to say I agree with you. Totally. That poster was nasty to me on another thread and when I called them on it, didn't bother to apologise. Not a nice person. At all.

I admit I get jealous. I'm happy for them but sad for me if that makes sense. But I wouldn't be happy about someone I know being unhappy or struggling. My mother loves it when others are getting fat/losing money/having relationship problems etc.
Nobody really likes her and she's got one friend, who wouldn't be a friend if she knew what my mother thinks of her.