I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

I think being aware of our thoughts and hot they make us feel (good / bad) can be a helpful thing.

If you take things like PND (post natal depression) for example. Some of the thoughts associated with that can be horrible. Does;t make you a bad person.

Sometimes it can highlight something else going on underneath, as well. So for example you might get someone with PND (sorry if triggering please maybe don't read if it does)..say having thoughts about dropping or even hurting a baby. But that can be about the responsibility or the anxiety. and even a need for escape / time out.

So...if you don;t just take thoughts at face value and look further, rather than just reacting "what a horrible thought" 'what does that say about me?" "must be really bad to think that" it can maybe give insights.

And YY therapists do say not to think of people as good or bad...

However it can also be hard to be on the end of such judgement / people being like this...I get it with my SIL and feel horrible after as she picks out anything she feels better about and it can bring you down- i try and remember it is probably about something in her past or her own insecurities and not let it get to me.

Is that you Nicola?

Nicola?

I think that trying to decide whether you’re a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person, particularly through making mental lists, could be a bit wearisome and damaging. You are not ‘a good person’ because you held a door open or ‘a bad person’ because you were secretly pleased at someone’s weight gain. However the more you accept yourself (whatever you are), the less schadenfreude you’ll experience. It’s a healthy, positive thing to feel happy for other people even if you secretly wish you had what they do.
I also think things sound more starkly awful written down than they might actually be.

Op in your title you literally admit you're not a nice person. And I agree, you're not. I've dropped so called friends like you in the past, for seemingly enjoying my misfortunes. It's heartbreaking that a person I call a friend would wish bad things happen to me.

I'm a nice person too but if I thought I'd get away with it, I would let the tires down/scratch the hell out of the next car that parks like a CF in our designated space

I still want to know who Nicola is!

This thread has everything: schadenfreude, sociopaths, cats shitting in neighbours' gardens, virtue-signal shaming, sycophants and nasty bastards being nasty because, well, they can... now we just need Danny Baker.

That's very different unicorn

@Teacher22

Well said, it is refreshing to see that someone actually 'got' the meaning of my original post and of course @CarolDanvers who has spoken sense all the way through.

Talking sense = saying what op wants to hear.

Anyone thinking different, is talking nonsense.

You cover your feelings so well with niceness. I don’t think I could so I see it for what it is, the devil on my shoulder and try my best to dispel those thoughts and practise empathy if not much able to do something to help.

I think people that do petty things like that are so bad. I think is worse than punching someone for example. I had a friend that keyed someone's car after a parking dispute. I didn't judged her for doing it out of anger but for bragging about it.

Sorry user- nobody exciting!

Nicola is my NDN and I can just imagine this is what goes on inside her head :)

I still can't believe many would think about their friends like this and think it's OK and normal? I'm happy and sad for my friends and family in the same way I would be at my own fortune/misfortune (even with the one who I know thinks like you) . Because I love them and share my life with them.

A newspaper article about a paedo being attacked I will think, 'good, shame they didn't kill him' or a semi celeb getting cheated on i roll eyes and think 'what did they expect'. I've got one relative who I dislike if he gets caught for his dodgy dealings then I'll be pleased but I don't like him, don't agree with his life choices and have zero contact. I see sad news on fb of aquaintances I never talk to and feel choked for their losses and genuinely happy for any good fortune. There are some mega show off wealthy people I went to school with and I'm not hateful or jealous. I like to have a nose through their lovely houses and then am glad mines small as I'm far too lazy for that level of shiny housework. I might wish I could have the lovely holiday...

I hold my hands up to letting a few tyres down in my younger years (I had to leave my car one morning as fully blocked and go back that night as I was in a rush had to get a cab so thought sod it I'll waste time in your day now changing a tyre) I think that's my highest level of evil doing

Anyway, enjoy your day all! I'm about to feed then evict a group of teenagers who kept me up till 4 with music and giggles. OP & friends turn your music on have a dance and think happy thoughts

Tbh OP I think you’re just normal. I think most folk are different underneath to the face they put on to show the world. You just recognise it. Hence my belief in the tenet that you can never really know anyone. Me & DP are both like this but we can be completely honest with each other about who we truly are.

You sound like you might have a split personality, not so much because of how you think but the way you use language. Unless you’re a troll, you sound like a troll

I'm curious the people who say it's normal to have these feeling about your friends, is it also normal to have the same feelings about your spouse or children? Do you feel pleased when something bad happens in their lives?

Not my daughter, no. But when DPs pissed me off I do secretly hope he gets ill. He has a fear of vomiting.

My crazy thoughts are when close to a cliff “what if I just jumped off” or recently in a lion enclosure “if I just opened this door we would all be eaten” freaks me out that one small movement controlled by me could have such horrendous consequences.

Let me tell you a secret, we know.
Yes we do.

It is the way you smile when I tell you my life is falling apart, your insincere messages of support sound hollow. The fact you seem to relish other people's lives hitting the buffers that makes us question what you think of ours. The friend that has put on weight can see how you look at her, you give more away than you think.

No, you are not a nice person or friend, but I am guessing you are very, very unhappy and these small victories as hollow as they are, keep you going.

.

spring has it spot on!

I've recently read an article that says is quite normal to have this thoughts and the measure of you really love someone is not to be there when they are sad but to be near them and be happy with their happiness. I believe that. But the cat thing got me because I had people let their dog poo in my front garden and I think that is vile

Yes- have a look at this one, about the history of schadenfreude, moralists feelings about it etc, puts it in perspective a bit...

www.theguardian.com/global/2018/oct/14/the-secret-joys-of-schadenfreude-why-it-shouldnt-be-a-guilty-pleasure

Cuntish to think that about friends!

Just read a thread about a poor lady whose marriage has broken down and lost a parent in a car crash. If she were ops friend would op be having a good laugh? Sorry but I think it’s quite horrifying

MsTSwift That is called the call of the void. It is very very common. My sister tells people she is scared of heights. She isn't actually scared of heights, she is scared that when she is somewhere high, she gets a real urge to jump off.