I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

My friend lost her eye due to toxoplasmosis. Cats do shit everywhere. I cant imagine giving a secind thought about where mine shat. How do you even know where it craps?

user87 that's actually fascinating.

That is interesting! Maybe i have super low levels of oxytocin! I think its more that my mum was a really jealous, gloating person and i hated it.

What a joke some of these responses are! Claiming to be lovely people and saying how they despise this person for being just honest! But at the same time being pretty disgusting in their vocabulary using words that some of us would never think of using, especially online! They need to look into themselves!

@user87382294757 - That's really interesting! My mother and I never bonded. I also tend to lack the jealousy bone (envy is a different thing).

Also, from a non-chemical point of view, jealousy tends to exist when you think something can be taken away from you. But if that thing was never there in the first place (in my case, my mother), then perhaps that conditioned me to be far more laissez-faire when it comes to matters of ownership of another person's love.

It is (fascinating).

I have noticed I can have cross thoughts and it seems to be worse when hormonal... so, it seems there is some kind of link to territorial stuff..not sure.

But, anyway, I am also kind of fascinated by how many people judge people for random thoughts and feel thoughts define a person.

We all have thoughts, we can call them 'good' or 'bad' (but like all or nothing thinking in CBT I guess) and the essence of things like OCD is people judging themselves by their thoughts and reacting to them, so anyway, it seems the best thing to do is to be mindful (non judgemental) - surprised people don't see this.

I remember this thread about the critical thoughts we can have and calling them a name. I do this, it helps.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3559482-To-give-the-voice-in-my-head-a-name

You can be the watcher of your thoughts. also you do not have to take them so seriously....they are just thoughts.

Bad times come to us all so there's no point gloating at other people's misfortunes. If anything, bad things will happen to you over and over to try and drill in the message of compassion.

It truly is okay - and human - to feel mean spirited sometimes but to do it with such frequency and to people you are supposedly caring about does make you not nice. And to come to an Internet forum hoping among the naysayers that people will validate you (as people have), is just weak.

You need other people to tell you that you are okay because you know that in life you present a front. A front for envy and unhappiness and pride and other things people not enjoying their lives experience.

On some level you know that it's not right to be that way. Otherwise you would be smug in your mind because of how right you are, instead of needing people to give you a thumbs up about being a fake bitch.

You don't trust yourself, you aren't happy in yourself and people are agreeing because so many of us are taught to wing it on no self love and confidence.

You can use a lightbulb of self awareness to change or continue relating to people in shallow, insincere ways and honestly just dooming yourself to that time and time again. It must be so hard to connect with people, if you're so gloating and mean

Use this to know that this will not make you happy deep down and that being grateful and genuine and content requires more work but has a better pay off than laughing at your 'friends' slipping on a banana peel

I’m just here to cheer on CarolDanvers - every single post of hers on this thread is spot on.

OP you might be a cat-shit-baby-murdering cunt in disguise but I think I really like you.

Great advice but then certain posters would get the opportunity to rip into the OP so... 🤷‍♀️

I am in wholehearted agreement, @user87382294757.

wouldn't

Yes, it is kind of ironic that - having judgemental / critical thoughts about OPs on here (and feeling better 'good/nice/lovely' = fine...but OP having judgemental thoughts which make her feel better= bad! haha - maybe something a bit 'close to the bone' there...methinks

CarolsBiggestFan

Best Posting Name EVER!

So agree with those last 2posts!

@AsleepAllDay

Absolutely spot on. Couldn’t have said it better.

Sad that the cronies on here just get their crony friends to back up their warped judgement and values

Oops meant the 2posts after mine!

the cronies on here just get their crony friends to back up their warped judgement

Once again, not a very nice post.

I'm just trying to point something out to you, Sofagirl, that I'm owning, that the OP is owning - but that you aren't, i.e. that often we aren't very nice.

@asleepallday
You’re awesome. Great post.

Does everyone not do/think these things? Really

Not to their friends no. To people they don't like, yes.

For the people who say they do this to their friends and they like the op, as she does it to her friends too , then hook up and know that whatever Ill befalls you or yours, she will gloat about it.as will you if it happens to her.

It's not what I determine as friendship but everyone has to be themselves.

Interestingly the question I posed as to whether the people who do this, and thus consider it normal also gloat when it's their partner/spouse/children who have something horrible happen to them or if they reserve this treatment for people they call friends remains unanswered?

I also think a lot of confusion on here. The question is not do you ever gloat in others misfortune, it's do you gloat in your friends misfortune,

These are two very different things. The op is telling us she gloats in her friends misfortune. That's what people are saying they don't do specifically.

I always thought a friend had your back and offered true support - as if the world isn’t tough enough!

Not knifed you in the back when you weren’t looking and gloating about it behind closed doors

What a sad world we live in

@Sofagirl

Well at least you've stopped talking about shit now, I was starting to worry that you had some kind of weird obsession with the brown stuff.

@Bluntness100 - This is exactly what I've been trying to clarify ! The op is happy at her friend's misfortune whilst pretending to be supportive ! On the other hand , posters are talking about gloating at people misfortunes who have done them wrong ! Completely different perspectives here !!!! The latter is understandable and the norm but the former is just pure evil! The Op has just made me reinforce my mantra of " Trust NO ONE!!"

Now be nice @notaniceperson71! Remember the horrible comments should be kept as thoughts and not to be acted upon !!! I did say in one of my earlier posts that your true colours eventually gets revealed