I'm really not a very nice person

[notaniceperson71]

So on the surface I am a very nice person, respectable middle-aged lady - kind to everyone, the only person at work to hold the door open for the cleaners, judge people that are rude to waiting staff etc etc

But internally I really am not a very nice person and think the most awful things, I openly admit that most of these are jealousy so not a very nice trait I know for example:-

My close friend's DH has just lost his job, I am being supportive but in reality I am secretly pleased, they might have to downsize from their five bed detached house and cut back on their multiple luxury holidays.

I have a crush on a married colleague (I am also married) and if I had the opportunity to shag him with 100% assurances that no one would ever find out then I would!

One of the ladies in our friendship group has recently started to gain wait and is not ageing well (she was always the slim, pretty one) this pleases me.

I love it when my colleague makes mistakes at work, it makes me look good.

My cat shits in next door's garden, I actively encourage this.

Is anyone else secretly evil or am I just a cunt in disguise?

Doesn’t make it right! It’s still carries dieseases to the vulnerable and sounds like your poor neighbours could definitely be affected as older people have weaker immune systems

Stop trying to excuse your despicable behaviour

When I got pregnant, my uncle (the father of the horrible cousins) told me that I was too old to be pregnant (his dd's are younger than me).

I argued briefly that at 27 that I wasn't too old and he kept telling me that I was too old. I panicked for the rest of the pregnancy thinking that I was indeed too old. It made for a lot of stress during the pregnancy.
Fast forward 2 years, and his 21 year old dd loses her first baby. I cried for her and the baby but couldn't help but feel that it was pure karma for how vile he was to a pregnant woman. Himself and his dd's would have had similar discussions about me being too old. His second dd, now in her late 30's is unable to have children.

Karma? You don't say that kind of shit to people and distress a pregnant woman. As we say ' you'll have no luck for it'.

I’m far more shocked by sofagirl than you op. I do have a dark side. I have enough self awareness that these intrusive thoughts are about me and my self esteem rather than the other person. Take the example of the friends, who are losing their house, I don’t like the arrogance, which comes with boasting in this way. It makes me feel inferior. To make myself feel better then like you, I may momentarily gloat. But only for a moment as I would appreciate that this is about me, not them. So perhaps you should look at improving your self esteem. You’ll feel happier that way and have less intrusive thoughts. I don’t like that part of me and the more I reject of me the worse I feel so it’s a viscious circle and best dealt with sooner rather than later.

Don't most outdoor cats shit outside? I'm confused, are you saying most cat owners are despicable and disgusting?

Sigh

You’ve already stated that you actively delight and encourage your cat shitting in your neighbours garden

Don’t twist my words

If your cat was shitting in my garden you'd be getting it back lobbed over the fence

Most people are two faced bitches I reckon.

Double sigh

My point is, if he didn't shit there he would be shitting somewhere else like most cats do, you're the one mincing my words.

Most owners would be responsible for their pet and apologise

You obviously don’t give a rats arse and positively encourage it

Can you see now

Have I made it plain enough?

If my cat kept shitting in my enemy's garden I'd be proud of my cat. That's just the way I roll.........

I totally get you OP.

It's not a nice trait in myself so I never voice it, but I do think bad things sometimes. But don't fucking shit on me or I WILL FUCKING SHIT ON YOU.

Hmm...For me it’s more about the people I DONT like than people I do, ie friends, work colleagues although like anyone, there’s a few I don’t like as well. The cat shitting thing is a tad worrying and the shagging a colleague, well not my thing at all. The gaining weight, well yeah ok I have thought this one about someone but only because I don’t like her.

HAving read the full thread I’m actually shocked and disappointed.
So many people condoning the ops post, so many people thinking it it ok.
IT IS NOT OK TO BE LIKE THIS!
You can have the thoughts, we all do....but, when you get that thought you capture it, and you say to yourself...you know what, I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THIS PERSON, WHAT MAKES THEM SAY THAT/DO THAT. The same goes for the op. What has happened to yo to make you like this. You need to go and get some help, work on yourself, and work out why you WANT to feel like this. There’s a reason/are reasons, you just need to work out why/what and work on them (not easy, but necessary).

You obviously don’t give a rats arse and positively encourage it

If her neighbours are cunts, why should she care?

You're a cunt, but I like you... x

I’m far more shocked by sofagirl than you op. I do have a dark side. I have enough self awareness that these intrusive thoughts are about me and my self esteem rather than the other person.

I totally agree with you. I think many of us grapple with esteem issues. I'm certainly one of them. (Sometimes that's as hard to admit as feeling schadenfreude at the misfortune of others, but I do think the two are related.)

I'm a Jungian at heart, and I believe profoundly in the presence of darkness in everyone, and in the necessity of owning it. The alternative is that it is thrown out on to others - much like the mud-flinging happening on this thread.

@Pharlapwasthebest
Ok, so what about my uncle and cousins who kept telling me I was too old to have a baby - resulting in me being utterly distressed throughout the pregnancy?
Am I wrong for thinking well karma bit them rightly on the arse?
I don't think I'm wrong. I'd prefer to not have been a victim of hatred in the first place, but since it happened, was I wrong to think - finally Karma has actually bitten you on the arses?

I recently distanced myself from my friend of 20 years because I realised that she, deep down, is like this towards me. She's become less good at hiding it when she's pissed.

I was very like this as a child and will have the odd stab of schadenfreude towards my sister but she's kind of earned that reaction but that's another thread.

So, no I'm not perfect but it's kind off bizarre in an adult.

This thread is all pure gold but I think the one accusing the OP of trying to murder babies through cat poo might have topped it off.

Good god

I think its sad and a bit depressing to be like this. Definitely low self esteem on your part.

I've gained weight and am not aging well. I was always the slim pretty one. If i knew a friend had looked at me and felt pleased about it, i would think she was a very sad person and that i could be the mist minging woman on the planet but I'd still be nicer than her.

Not sure how old you are OP but remember, you get the face you deserve!

They were totally wrong to do that to you, but I stand by what I said, there is a reason they are like that, whatever it is. It’s really easy to assume you know why someone is doing something, and then once we assume we know the reason we run with it, but quite often we are ring in our assumption! Plus, that wasn’t their karma was it? It was their poor daughter that had that happen to her, not them?

wrong, not ring

I do think that jealousy is the root of this type of thinking. I’m just pleased I’m not a particularly jealous type of person, but I’m not perfect.

So if anything like this happened to your child I think this would make you realise the dangers involved and it’s not being over the top until it happens to you or your family!

Toddler could lose her eye after catching infection from dog mess in park playground

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1304091/amp/Toddler-lose-eye-catching-infection-dog-mess-park.html

“Eggs from the worms pass into the faeces of dogs and cats and can contaminate people who come into contact with the faeces. Toxocariawas more common in the 1980s but these days there are only a handful of cases of it in the UK each year.“

Still something to be aware of

I'm not a jealous person and i am so so grateful for that. Its my favourite thing about myself. I really try and instil it in my kids.

You know something interesting?

Shadenfreude is linked with Oxytocin, (the 'love hormone') often released in childbirth and considered the caring hormone.

maybe some link there with mothers

www.newscientist.com/article/dn17563-cuddle-chemical-may-create-green-eyed-monster/

The cuddle chemical has a dark side. Oxytocin – a hormone thought to play a role in maternal bonding, trust and even attraction – amplifies feelings of envy and gloating, research suggests.

@Sofagirl

Bore off