How much do you trust your 6 yr old?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Or how much responsibilty do you give them?

I think I am quite trusting of DS.
He makes his own breakfast and drinks - sometimes for his sister too. He sometimes hoovers the stairs (dyson handheld), tidy his room. I let him shower or bath without supervision and I let him use the toilets in restaurants and pubs on his own. I leave him watching TV whilst I nip to the garage which is just outside the garden (about 50m from the back door).
DH always wants to supervise toilets and doesn't let him walk as far ahead as me etc.
I think DS is capable of alot more. He is a smart kid and very sensible.
We have a park opposite our house. I can see it from the front door and the kitchen window. I would probably be okay with him going to the park without me, as long as I could leave the front door open so I could hear when he wanted to cross back or if he was hurt. The road isn't a main road but not super quiet either.
DH definitley wouldn't be up for that but neither of us have alot of experience with what is age appropritate.
What do you allow your 6 yr old to do?

I let my daughter at 6 do all those things except for the public toilets but that's because she didn't want to go by herself (still doesn't like to go by herself now at 8 so I go with her still) and while she is allowed to shower by herself she prefers it if I go with her (we have a wet room so we often shower together or take turns but hangout by the door), vacuuming the stairs with the handheld mini vacuum is her daily job, plus staying home for an hour or so twice a week when she was on the older side of 6 until my maternity leave started.

Children (usually) enjoy being given a little independence and responsibility, it builds their self-confidence and makes them proud, so long as it's done at the right pace for them and not pushing ahead before they're ready or holding back when they are more than ready.

No it's not difficult @formerbabe

My son is 100% capable of going alone, and so I let him do that when I feel it's appropriate.

Honestly not sure what is so very difficult here. Do you generally keel over in amazement when people do things differently to you in life?

Also he doesn't want to go to the ladies any more so no, I don't go into the men's with him.

I think young children are very capable and often more capable that their parents realise. I work in school admin and children are given a lot of responsibility in school but its a very safe environment with adults on hand to guide if it goes wrong.

And that's the big caveat children don't have a lot of experience of what to do when things go wrong and aren't able to judge speed and distance until surprisingly old - so as the parent you have to think what things could go wrong and can my child manage those, rather than can my child managed what goes right.

Why? Is opening a door and standing on the other side of it so difficult?

Yes absolutely. It’s just impossible 🙄

Faux naïveté is tiresome isn’t it?

Sorry, for some reason, I thought you said DD rather than DS...Well I understand you can't go into the men's,. I also stand outside the main door to the gents when my ds(11) goes to the toilet. But the point is, you are standing outside the door...why is that? You must have got up to accompany him as far as you can for a reason?

It's not a blanket thing. In the local pub he goes entirely alone. In a supermarket I go so that he doesn't have to come out and come looking for me.

That's the point though. It's not a black and white thing, it's dependent on a ton of factors, so there is no right/correct way of doing it. We all make our own decisions every day.

I like to see my kids' confidence grow when they realise they can accomplish things alone.

I have only just started letting 9 yo DS go to the toilet in public alone. Only because he found it embarrassing going into the women’s. I have heard the horror stories and it scares me although I know chances are incredibly slim and I’m being far too over protective.

I wouldn’t let any of mine do the park alone (6, 7 and 9). They load dishes into dishwasher, Hoover and tidy their bedrooms, bath themselves, get themselves breakfast and sometimes 9 yo DS will make himself beans on toast if he objects to the meal I’ve cooked (fussy eater).

I don't understand why every thread has to get so arsey these days. Back in the day you could post something like this and get a range of responses but not just get shouted at for doing things differently. I agree some risks are just scary but the company risk of pardophilia and abduction will not greatly diminish when it is socially acceptable to allow more independence. It's just a background risk that will always be there.

My six year old showers alone (we put the shower on so the temperature is ok). He used toilets alone if I can see the door from where I'm sitting - I have three other children so if I'm alone without another adult, I would have to take all of them with me as well. He can pour his own cold drinks and make cereal. He is responsible, along with his brothers, in keeping their room tidy and putting their washing in the basket. He helps to lay and clear the table. He has helped vacuum before (his choice!). My seven year old does all this and makes the occasional cup of tea as well. Not allowed out on their own and never been left alone
In the house

I didn't let my kids use public loos alone till they were a lot older. That's just common sense. I had two separate friends at different ages experience a man exposing himself when we were kids. Learning independence in the home as you describe is great. It's preparing him. Crossing roads and going to a park alone, he's too young. They need accompanied road crossing till 9 or ten IME ,they just don't concentrate sufficiently at six.

When I was about six I was playing outside on my own (1970s) and a man tried to abduct me on his motorbike by saying he was taking me to my mum, who was at the shops. I ran away home and his attempt was foiled,luckily. I was less than 200 years from home, but' out the front'. I knew he was lying but it was very scary.

Also my parents used to take us to the pub garden on sunny days. Here on a number of occasions, at about half that age men sitting with my parents at the same table popped me on their lap and kissed me with tongues. I didn't tell,them.

I have not been a helicopter parent, but I do think that trusting your 6 year old is quite different than trusting other adults.

@mummaofmytribe I don't think it's common sense. That's your opinion.

Accompanying a 9 or 10 year old across roads

Clearly you and I have really different parenting styles and that's just fine. You'll notice the only people on this thread who haven't judged others is those who side with the OP.

@longestlurkerever I totally agree with your post. It's all black and white now, and if you say grey you're a fucking idiot. Tedious.

Unfortunately I think she's booked up the next two Fridays but I will double check. She is free tomorrow and Thurs but I wouldn't be able to fetch her till about 6

• at about that age ( not half that age, not sure how that got mangled)

audacityofhope I actually said kids are old enough to cross roads by 9 or ten
And if you read my post you'll see also that having personally known two children assaulted in public loos in separate incidents, yes I do consider accompanying small children to be common sense

I suppose my view is that you need to be aware on your child's behalf, so that they don't need to worry.

That you can be there, with out limiting independence, and that kids experience things in different ways than you expect.

In the 1970s kids were left alone a lot and it wasn't all that good. Adults were trusted when they shouldn't have been. As a result, I didnttake my kids to pubs much and my kids played with parents around.

They push away as teens and do all sorts of adventurous stuff. The fab close time of littles at around 6 is a wonderful time and I would treasure it and let independence take care of its self.

My just-turned seven year old makes her own breakfast (if the milk bottle isn't too full), empties the things from the dishwasher that she can put away by herself (though I remove the sharp knives first), is responsible for putting away her own clothes, brushes her teeth herself (we do spot checks), and occasionally will do a small job like hoovering or sweeping if she wants to.

Going to a public toilet would depend on the place. Small soft play, church, quiet pub? Perhaps. Anywhere else: definitely not. I absolutely do not trust her to cross the road by herself.

I’ve got a 7 & 8 year old. Both just turned those ages.
They both shower/bath independently. They LOVE to help me with cleaning - one does windows, one does surfaces then the fight over mopping. Both help clean the table and load the dishwasher. Responsible for tidying rooms, putting laundry in basket etc.
Both make their own breakfast - not because I’m lazy but because they get up at 6am! They are more than capable of making a bowl of cereal! They both get to go to the park, we live in a naice housing estate and there are so many kids the same age. We have a WhatsApp parents group so in the summer, and at weekends there are several little posses going between gardens and the park. But I know where she is.
I always take them to public toilets - my son is scared he gets locked in! They stay next to me in the supermarket. I do think independence is important, as are general household chores. I’ve been a SAHM their entire lives and have always had them help since they were wee. My P3 daughter (8) has been asking to cycle to school herself for about a year now - obviously I won’t let her now, but she is so independent. I’m not raising kids who have no idea how to clean up behind themselves or expect a lift to academy because they’ve never crossed a road on their own - I’m their mum, not their maid!

No to public toilets and the park. In my area, a naice area, a 9 year old girl just a few weeks ago was followed into the park and raped. It was busy too, plenty of people around.

Jeeez I was walking to school by myself at the age of 4, crossing roads etc.

OP, come and live in a country where people aren't so hysterical.

Jeeez I was walking to school by myself at the age of 4, crossing roads etc

I just find that so very sad. Four tiny years old

keep your sadness thanks. We don't need it.

I'm fairly certain that if a four year old child walked themselves to and from school nowadays in the UK it would be considered a safe guarding concern and would be referred to ss.

keep your sadness thanks. We don't need it.

I rather think you do.