How much do you trust your 6 yr old?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Or how much responsibilty do you give them?

I think I am quite trusting of DS.
He makes his own breakfast and drinks - sometimes for his sister too. He sometimes hoovers the stairs (dyson handheld), tidy his room. I let him shower or bath without supervision and I let him use the toilets in restaurants and pubs on his own. I leave him watching TV whilst I nip to the garage which is just outside the garden (about 50m from the back door).
DH always wants to supervise toilets and doesn't let him walk as far ahead as me etc.
I think DS is capable of alot more. He is a smart kid and very sensible.
We have a park opposite our house. I can see it from the front door and the kitchen window. I would probably be okay with him going to the park without me, as long as I could leave the front door open so I could hear when he wanted to cross back or if he was hurt. The road isn't a main road but not super quiet either.
DH definitley wouldn't be up for that but neither of us have alot of experience with what is age appropritate.
What do you allow your 6 yr old to do?

www.google.com/amp/s/www.firstdiscoverers.co.uk/encouraging-child-independence/amp/. If you Google there is absolutely loads of literature about why building independence is good for children. As humans we are shit at judging relative risk. We see paedophiles in every pub look but don't see the risks we are taking with our children's mental health if we don't build their resilience. We see traffic danger of walking and cycling but we don't see the dangers of obesity and climate change if we ferry them everywhere.

My just turned 7 yr old would go to a toilet on her own but only somewhere in my eye line where we'd been before. Just let her walk with her sister to the hotel shop on holiday alone, out of sight but timed and in a very secure compound. Showers alone, but so does 5.5yr old, but only v recently. Both walk to shop together, only about 25m from my shop, visible, little one way street to cross and they know the shopkeeper.

I think independence and trust is very important, and building up to it is better than them suddenly having to get to secondary school alone!

We see traffic danger of walking and cycling but we don't see the dangers of obesity and climate change if we ferry them everywhere
Then walk with your child!

I trust my six year old fully. he’s mature for his age and wise beyond his years. of course, i don’t let him drive the car or shenanigans like that, but he always makes supper for the whole family with some of my supervision, of course

🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s all context, surely? And we don’t really know the OP’s context with regards to exactly how busy the road/pub is etc.

I don’t let my 6yo go to a multiple cubicle loo on her own... but I don’t wait for her either, we use adjacent cubicles simultaneously. In a familiar or quiet restaurant, pub or cafe with single loos I let her go.

I wouldn’t be sending her off to get baked beans in our local Tesco because it’s huge and she’s not familiar with it. I do let her go to get things independently in our town centre supermarket as it’s small, we’re in there all the time and the biggest risk is probably that one of the staff (she knows lots of them by name) would ask her to man a till!

Letting kids be as independent as they want to be, in a situation that their parents have risk assessed and decided their child is capable in, is great for their self esteem. My 6 year old asked me last year if he could walk to his classroom on his own from where I drop his brother at the adjoining playschool. I said yes (literally 20 seconds walk around to the other side of the playground, straight in the door, no waiting around). He was glad he was able to do it on his own, took the ‘rules’ very seriously. His teaching assistant told him he wasn’t allowed and that he had to tell me that I had to take him to the door - he was gutted. Let them have the independence they want, it’s good for them.

I have been educating him from a very young age about consent and his body. He is aware that he cannot engage with others

What absolute shit!!!
So women who are raped aren't aware?
So children who get taken from public places aren't aware?

A 16 year old boy sexual assault he's family friends children in a public toilet in a theme park while his and their family were waiting outside. The families had known each other for 20 years.

I’m with Audacity and I have let my sensible six and a half year old DD briefly leave my sight in the supermarket to fetch something if she wants to, too. She knows not to go off with a stranger, not to accept food or drink from someone she doesn’t know, she wouldn’t go outside without me. If she got really lost she would go to information or a check out. If anyone tried to grab her she knows to run away/scream shout. There’s loads of CCTV. I doubt it’s where people go to abduct a child.

I’d let her do all the things on your list OP except for the park. Ladies loo in a busy family pub we know if we were sitting close by, yes. I don’t know if I’d let DS go to the gents alone when he is six but I don’t think you are being neglectful or lazy.

It’s a judgement call. Giving them small bits of independence early is good for them I think (provided they are sensible). I remember being shocked at 16 that some of my friends had never taken a train, put on a wash, eaten in a cafe or made their own supper by themselves.

Yes to everything except toilet in public place (it will be a hell of a long time before that happens!) and the park would be a no for me too. Not because I don’t trust her but because I don’t trust others. Plus we live rurally so that’s not an option but I will leave her cycle around the gardens on her own.

A 16 year old boy sexual assault he's family friends children in a public toilet in a theme park while his and their family were waiting outside. The families had known each other for 20 years.

Does this not prove that you can never completely protect your child? The risk of a stranger waiting in a pub toilet to assault your 6 year old is minuscule (and presumably the same risk as when they are 10, which I guess is old enough to go alone?). The risk of being in a car crash is, comparatively, huge - you still put your child in the car every day.

It’s about weighing the minute risk against the clear benefits of teaching a child independence.

I trust my sensible 6yo, it’s other people I don’t so no way would he go in a public toilet alone. He doesn’t do any housework except tidy up his toys/rubbish, putting his plate on the side after meals and wiping the toilet seat if he wees on it.

Also let 7yo go and get things in the supermarket, small local supermarket that we go to daily.

To those of you that say you know your child would kick and scream and shout if approached by a stranger it unfortunately is not the case a lot of the time. A friend of mines son was approached and lured away from a park bench whilst waiting for her to get the car. He was 8, the man actually caught him by the scruff of the neck and started to pull him up, when his Mum approached (and the man ran off) she asked her ds why he hadn’t shouted, he said he couldn’t that he was too scared 😟. Scariest moment of her life!! And for that reason I don’t assume my dd will be heard 😩

My DD at 6 wouldn’t have wanted to do most of the above alone so we didn’t have to consider it- the being out of sight stuff not tidying/sorting own breakfast etc.

DS is currently 6, hugely independent and would be keen to do all of the list and more. We wouldn’t allow the park without an adult and would assess the solo toilet situation every time.
I’d actually trust him 100% with both Park/toilet examples but would worry about others.

Acutually we also haven’t done/allowed an independent bath/shower experience but he’s probably quite able now just with door unlocked for access.

Slightly intrigued by the responses. What age is appropriate to deal with paedophiles and flashers then?

OP my almost 6 year old doesn’t do as much as yours. I’d love to let her go to public toilets alone but she can’t be trusted to not cover the cubicle in loo roll and fail to flush or wash or hands. Most of our food, plates, etc is out of reach in the kitchen but I might rethink that after this thread. I would trust her alone for 5-10 mins if I had to pop out but it’s never happened.

The Naivity seriously worries me on some of these comments- parents having assessed the situation...so you know every car and speed approaching the road your 6 year old is about to cross, you’ve checked if anyone is in the public loo before you leave your 6 year old to go in there alone.
I’m all for teaching your kids independence but can you still not watch them from a distance to ensure they are safe

you’ve checked if anyone is in the public loo before you leave your 6 year old to go in there alone

The places I referred to in my situation were single cubicles - one for men, one for women. There literally couldn’t be anyone else IN the public loos if the door was open.

but can you still not watch them from a distance to ensure they are safe

That’s what the OP (and others) were talking about. Rather than accompanying to the loo, watch from a distance.

Exactly! I stand outside the door FFS I don't nip off for a pint while he's at the toilet in Tesco

Audacity - I have let DS use the toilet at supermarkets too. I get him to use the single cubicle one with a baby change in their and I stand outside with DD and the trolley.

You'd all be horrifed to hear that DS actually put DD3 to bed a few weeks ago.
They were playing in DS's room when he shouted up that DD was tired and he had put her to bed (it was indeed her bedtime).
I went up and he had put a nappy and Pjs on her and tucked her in bed.
The next day he went off to his swimming lessons like every other 6 yr old. He isn't made to do these things. He wants to.

*there!

Helping his sister to bed is fine. Trusting him is fine. Trusting others is the issue.

I trust that my DD can go to a public toilet by herself. I trust that she can play safely in the park. I don't trust that she is safe from predators.