How much do you trust your 6 yr old?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Or how much responsibilty do you give them?

I think I am quite trusting of DS.
He makes his own breakfast and drinks - sometimes for his sister too. He sometimes hoovers the stairs (dyson handheld), tidy his room. I let him shower or bath without supervision and I let him use the toilets in restaurants and pubs on his own. I leave him watching TV whilst I nip to the garage which is just outside the garden (about 50m from the back door).
DH always wants to supervise toilets and doesn't let him walk as far ahead as me etc.
I think DS is capable of alot more. He is a smart kid and very sensible.
We have a park opposite our house. I can see it from the front door and the kitchen window. I would probably be okay with him going to the park without me, as long as I could leave the front door open so I could hear when he wanted to cross back or if he was hurt. The road isn't a main road but not super quiet either.
DH definitley wouldn't be up for that but neither of us have alot of experience with what is age appropritate.
What do you allow your 6 yr old to do?

The scenario OP described was sitting in a pub letting her LO go into a public men’s room alone- not stand outside a single cubicle

My dc can't reach the worktops but he sometimes stands on a little stool to get a drink of water. He wouldn't be able to reach the milk from the fridge for cereal but I'm sure he would be capable if not.
100% no to the toilets in a pub. Would be worried there was a weirdo in the toilets or that they got themselves locked in.
Bath time I'm always on the same floor - so wouldn't sit downstairs. But I sort out washing or tidy up in a different room. I also wash his hair for him before he gets out.
Would maybe nip to the garage if i was going to be less than 5 mins.
Definite no to the park though, I would be worried that he would try to cross the road alone thinking he didn't need my help.

My 6 & 8 y olds make their own breakfasts. At weekends and on other days off they can go downstairs unaccompanied their own breakfasts, wash their bowls and spoons and tidy up afterwards. Then they either watch the tv or play with their toys for half hour or so until dh or I get up.

They shower themselves but have help washing hair (though the 6 y old is better at this than the 8 y old).

They tidy their rooms, tidy up their mess downstairs, help Hoover up (it's a heavy upright), load & unload the washer and they occasionally help cook.

Walking down the street they can go further away from us (but not out of sight) and are learning to cross the roads on our estate (not busy, not much traffic).

The 8 y old goes to public loos alone if they're not far away from where we are whereas the 6 y old still has supervision because they struggle with the heavy doors.

Childhood is the time when they're allowed to play and have fun etc but where they also learn how to be a functioning adult when they've grown up. I don't think we're doing them any favours if we are overprotective.

It's a wonder why anyone ever uses nannies, childminders, babysitters, after school clubs, holiday clubs etc when there's apparently so many "wise" and "mature" six year olds around.

Formerbabe what exactly is your child allowed to do? You seem to be against everything anyone has said!
And stop being overdramatic. No one has said they leave their 6 year old home whilst they go to work or out on the piss for Christ sake.

Yes because a six year old who is perfectly capable of using the toilet alone will never need supervision at any other time, in any other circumstances, ever again.

That's 100% what the OP and I, and others, were getting at.

If it makes you feel better Formerbabe, I have just told him to put the carving knife down and allow me to slice the melon!

I'm aware no one suggested they leave their 6 year old alone whilst they go to work/out for an evening, but the very fact that we put them in childcare whilst we do those things is because they are not wise/mature.

No one is saying they are “wise” or mature in the sense of an adult. But some 6 yr olds are more mature than others.
I can already tell you that my 3 yr old will still be assisted to the bathroom when she is 6. She is totally different to her brother!

but the very fact that we put them in childcare whilst we do those things is because they are not wise/mature

But surely within the scope of childhood children mature at different rates. So why is childcare being equated to a child being able (and wanting to) get their own breakfast. Or visit a toilet alone?

It’s utter nonsense.

But you'd also send an 11 year old to childcare. By your logic you should also then follow them to the loo. Because they're the exact same thing, obviously.

The issue with several of those isn't really a case of trusting him but of protecting him from other untrustworthy people.

The stuff in the house fine. At 6 dd was putting dirty clothes in hamper, emptying washing machine, taking dirty dishes into kitchen, laying table, dusting, tidying own room, bathing alone (but we've always been in flats so I was on same floor and often in next room chatting away to her) fetching herself snacks and drinks. If you AS'd me you'd see that I've often discussed her being independent and more practical/capable than many of her peers who HAVE been wrapped in cotton wool (I'm talking 16 year olds not allowed to use a kettle!)

BUT He IS too young to use a public Loo alone (there's been several well publicised sexual assaults on children in public loos

www.thecourier.co.uk/fp/news/local/fife/819644/mum-of-supermarket-toilet-sex-assault-victim-warns-freed-attacker-could-strike-again/

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/girl-8-sexually-assaulted-restaurant-13786261

Same goes for the park, plus the road plus if he hurt himself falling off equipment etc

"You are missing a hefty does of reality." Totally agree.

The reason there's few examples of these horrific assaults happening to younger children is BECAUSE MOST parents DO accompany them!

"I have been educating him from a very young age about consent and his body. He is aware that he cannot engage with others" so if he ever is assaulted he'll think it was his fault for "engaging"? do you think everyone who's been sexually assaulted by anyone they so much as smiled at or said hello to is at fault? Even 6 year olds?!

Instinctive response to a threat is fight, flight or freeze and you don't know which yours is until threatened.

Mine is to fight - not always wise as I'm a 5'2" dumpy middle aged woman and at times I've fought and in hindsight it was a poor decision that paid off in sheer luck, however it worked to a degree with my abusive father which is possibly how it became entrenched.

Dds is flight - again not always advisable I had to work hard to counter her doing it when the smoke alarm went off (there weren't fires it was burnt toast type situations) but she didn't know that and if she were to run/hide in a real fire that could have been dangerous.

I've known people who "freeze" too inc when sexually assaulted, sometimes it's worked as some freaks get off on screaming etc but again it can be detrimental.

It's extremely difficult to ignore/train out instinctive reactions.

I did impress upon dd that she was ALLOWED to scream/shout/swear/bite/kick if someone was hurting her/a threat to her. But at the age of 18 having experienced the usual crap of leering boys and men and males who have tried to be worse and she still tends more to flight - removing herself from the situation. On one occasion she did end up having to wrestle away, thankfully he was very drunk and it was in a club so bouncer stepped in too.

Onlyfools - I've seen that video and similar before. Terrifying.

Though "Stranger danger" is now widely acknowledged by experts in child abuse as having been a poorly thought out and implemented campaign that has likely done more harm than good for a number of reasons. Most abusers are known and known well to the child, many parents don't explain what a stranger is and they certainly don't explain that someone who means them harm could well be young, friendly, charming even good looking, that simply knowing someone's name or them knowing your name (I cringe when I see parents advertising their kids names to all and sundry on t-shirts, car stickers etc) doesn't mean they're no longer a stranger etc etc

Op your risk assessment abilities are skewed.

No one has answered when a child is apparently old enough to fend off the predatory paedophile in the pub toilets? When do we stop following them to protect them from a minuscule risk?

But @Graphista that's your opinion, saying he IS too young.

Too young to go to any public toilet alone? Do you not think that the parent might be able to assess each situation on its own merits or is it just a case of BUT PAEDOPHILES ?

No one has answered when a child is apparently old enough to fend off the predatory paedophile in the pub toilets?

That is more than likely because there is no magic number. Adults are raped in public toilets. The thing is, we are talking about 6 year old children, yes the risk is minuscule; but it's still a valid risk and ensuring our 6 year olds are safe shouldn't really be questioned.

We could also recognise that millions of six year olds go to the toilet daily without incident, and make decisions accordingly.

The risk is small but not non existent. Removing the tiny risk entirely by taking a couple of minutes to accompany them is sensible imo.

The risk is small but not non existent. Removing the tiny risk entirely by taking a couple of minutes to accompany them is sensible imo

You cannot possibly live your life removing every minute risk from life. That is the whole point, we weigh up the risk and deal accordingly.

This thread hasn't convinced me I'm doing anything wrong by ... letting my six year old be on the other side of a door for 2-3 minutes.

Yes to helping around the house. No to going to park or public loo alone. Yes to showering alone in a walk in shower, no to bath alone (he likes deep baths and we have a slippy tiled floor and a sticking out tap in the middle of the bath he's been known to clunk his head on, so risk of being knocked out is a real one!) I'll be in the next room tidying, where I can hear him splashing and singing though, and help him in and out of the bath.

Crossing the road is risky but removing that risk entirely would mean never leaving the house, so the risk is worth it.

Getting up from a table in a pub walking several metres across the room has no negative impact on your life. Your six year old will still grow up to be a fully functioning independent adult if you do this.

Letting my six year old be on the other side of a door for 2-3 minutes.

I don't understand what you mean. Of course standing directly outside the cubicle door is fine. The example in the op was different... sitting at a table and allowing the child to go off by themselves to the toilet.

Being directly outside the cubicle door means you are accompanying them.

Getting up from a table in a pub walking several metres across the room has no negative impact on your life. Your six year old will still grow up to be a fully functioning independent adult if you do this

Whereas I think when a child requests to be more independent it’s desirable to accommodate that where possible.

Isn’t it great that the people on this thread are all able to assess risk and make the correct choices that work for our families and most importantly for the child in question.

I don't stand on the outside of the cubicle door either, I wait outside the toilet door.

I don't stand on the outside of the cubicle door either, I wait outside the toilet door

Why? Is opening a door and standing on the other side of it so difficult?