Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Psychologically unwell DD and Sats, please help.

150 replies

MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:38

I've posted here quite a lot recently but I'm back needing yet more advice.

For a few reasons we have had to do a last minute house move. The plan that we originally had was to have DH commute with 11yo DD to school by bus until after her Sats, when we would then pull her out to homeschool her for the rest of the year until she starts secondary.

DD has suffered pretty horrendous bullying over the last year and is being assessed for trichotillomania/self harming behaviour and deteriorating mental health but really, really wants to see her Sats through and she is expected to get very high marks.

However, after having done a practice run we have figured out she will need to be up at 6AM every morning in order to get to school for the 2 weeks running up to Sats and wouldn't be home until after 7. I just feel that it would be too much for her in her current psychological state and she would have very little time to revise.

Ideally I would like to keep her at home to revise/rest then send her in for Sats week then pull her out. I'm not sure if the head would be at all OK with this but I'm not sure what else to do. So any advice/guidance would really help as she's due back tomorrow.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 29/04/2019 14:39

She doesn't sound well enough to go to school. The poor girl - those bullies should be the ones at home, not her.

TeenTimesTwo · 29/04/2019 14:42

Can you get the doctor to certify her sick?
Or find a more local school to take her until the end of term?

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:44

We have changed GP so it will be a week or so until we can get an appointment Sad. She desperately doesn't want to go to another school for the last three months and I can understand why after what she's been through.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families General education
TigerBreadAddict · 29/04/2019 14:46

Take her out now. Why is it so important that she sits sats?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 29/04/2019 14:48

The Sats have zero impact on her education why would you make her sit them?

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:48

Why on earth do you want her to do sats??

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:49

And why send her back to a school shes being bullied at!?!? Are there none nearer you you could visit and check out pastoral care?

BelleSausage · 29/04/2019 14:50

Sack the SATs. They are not important. Secondary will test her anyway at the beginning of Yr7.

What she needs is help to build her social skills up before secondary so she doesn’t struggle with the transition. Is she going to a school with some of the bullies or is it a totally fresh start?

I would suggest signing her up for some hobby based groups over the Summer so she can make some new friends.

I was bullied terribly at school. But my totally obsessive love of reading helped me cope.

Redlocks28 · 29/04/2019 14:50

You really don’t need to revise for SATs.

If she desperately wants to do them-phone in sick until you can get a GP appointment and then get her signed off school the following week.

Go to school for the 4 days SATs are on (stay locally in a travel lodge if that helps reduce the long days), then home Ed

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:50

It's DD that is so insistent about Sats. I'd never send her in again quite happily!
She just feels that her whole primary school education will be for nothing and has done so well on all her practice papers she wants to see them through. I'm extremely proud of this resilience and want to help her as much as possible.
I just want my happy DD back.

OP posts:
AnemoneAnenome · 29/04/2019 14:51

Why would she need to go in for the full 2 weeks before SATS?

It sounds like far too much to me. What can school do to accommodate?

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:53

Bullying has stopped but the effects are ongoing. Secondary will be completely fresh start for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:53

School have said they want her in the two weeks before and they've opened up a spot at after school club but that's all they seem able to do.

OP posts:
Fazackerley · 29/04/2019 14:54

up at 6AM every morning in order to get to school for the 2 weeks running up to Sats and wouldn't be home until after 7. I just feel that it would be too much for her in her current psychological state and she would have very little time to revise

Why on earth is she revising for sats??? Particularly as she's struggling mentally? You should nip that in the bud for a start.

bookmum08 · 29/04/2019 14:55

SATS are not important. No child actually needs a sat score. Private schools don't even do them.Take your daughter out of school.

Fazackerley · 29/04/2019 14:55

But I don't think getting up at 6 and getting home at 7 for two weeks is that bad tbh.

FiremanKing · 29/04/2019 14:55

She may well get high marks but what if she doesn’t? That on top of the bullying could make her fragile state even worse.

Womaninnit · 29/04/2019 14:57

Fuck the sats!
Seriously - wish I’d done this with anxious DS.

They are for the schools results and matter not to her

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:58

I keep hearing two different things about Sats. That they really help with knowing where to put them on a pathway in secondary and that they aren't important at all.
Also the school she attends puts huge importance on the Sats which has made her so insistent on doing them.
For my part I just want a happy and well DD.

OP posts:
KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 14:59

Why is she revising for sats???

It seems like shes bought into the whole crazy pressure which cant be helping her mental health. I think she needs you to say thatg this isnt going to work and to let her play.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 29/04/2019 14:59

She just feels that her whole primary school education will be for nothing

You as her parent need to put her mind at rest. The Sats mean absolutely NOTHING, they are there to test the school not the pupil.

KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 15:00

Absolutely Zero. She really cant be thinking primary ed is just for Sats :( Thats one of the saddest things Ive read today.

pearldeodorant · 29/04/2019 15:01

I'm now a dr and my (teacher) mother withdraw all 3 of us from sats saying they were totally unnecessary at that age - take her out! Had no impact on our education whatsoever. She's only young and doesn't need this stress. Even if she wants to take them, it'll relieve everything by you making the decision to withdraw her.

AnemoneAnenome · 29/04/2019 15:02

I can only suggest then that you say no to the 2 weeks and have her just do the absolute minimum. School are not going to refuse to let her in the building if she hasn't done the 2 weeks and, particularly as she is able, it is in their interest for her to keep her mental health sufficiently to actually sit the exams. If that means no to the 2 weeks, then it's a no. You tell them 2 weeks with the commute is just too much and not on the table.

You might consider pinning down the absolute minimum days she's need to be in to do the tests, and planning for her to do those days only, with an overnight stay or two if they have to. You could also consider late arrive and early leaving if she goes in on any non-test days.

I admire your DD's determination too, and I wish her well. It sounds very difficult for you all.

I

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 15:04

The school have really piled on the pressure I think and I've told her a million times that the sats aren't important but it's difficult when her teachers are saying the complete opposite day in and day out. They're expected to revise seven days a week and we have to sign to say they've done it (though I've been pretty lax this fortnight).
I just want to do what causes her the least amount of stress but she feels like she'd be letting her teachers down by not doing her Sats.

OP posts: