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Original poster

Psychologically unwell DD and Sats, please help.

150 replies

MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:38

I've posted here quite a lot recently but I'm back needing yet more advice.

For a few reasons we have had to do a last minute house move. The plan that we originally had was to have DH commute with 11yo DD to school by bus until after her Sats, when we would then pull her out to homeschool her for the rest of the year until she starts secondary.

DD has suffered pretty horrendous bullying over the last year and is being assessed for trichotillomania/self harming behaviour and deteriorating mental health but really, really wants to see her Sats through and she is expected to get very high marks.

However, after having done a practice run we have figured out she will need to be up at 6AM every morning in order to get to school for the 2 weeks running up to Sats and wouldn't be home until after 7. I just feel that it would be too much for her in her current psychological state and she would have very little time to revise.

Ideally I would like to keep her at home to revise/rest then send her in for Sats week then pull her out. I'm not sure if the head would be at all OK with this but I'm not sure what else to do. So any advice/guidance would really help as she's due back tomorrow.

OP posts:
KneelJustKneel · 29/04/2019 15:05

What on earth!?!?!? Thats crazy. I cant believe they're expecting that of them. The MH of the children that year will really be affected.

Id get out of there if you can.

AnemoneAnenome · 29/04/2019 15:05

And absolutely what PPs said, I thought our school was pushy on SATS but they never made them revise. Agree that taking the decision out of her hands and not letting her do them may also go down better with her than you expect, but you know her best.

RomanyQueen1 · 29/04/2019 15:06

We deregistered for y4 - until secondary, as cba with all the SATS's pressure, it's ridiculous.
It was much more fun being at home and her friends having to do SATS for the last year or two were very envious.

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11 year olds Families General education
Fazackerley · 29/04/2019 15:06

Your dd cannot cope with this pressure, she can't be making that any more clear to you.

ChandelierSail · 29/04/2019 15:10

The SATS are for the school's benefit not the pupils'. So I would pull her out now.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 15:10

I know she isn't coping but when I tell her she doesn't have to go back she gets even more anxious about not doing her bloody sats!
Although I agree that make the time has come to just make the decision for her. I've always tried to give her a big say over what happens and take her feelings seriously and I wanted to help her do the sats because I was proud and in awe of her bravery/determination but I think now we've moved she's so much more relaxed that the idea of going back has become a bit much for her.

OP posts:
Debenhamshandtowel · 29/04/2019 15:16

Does she have to do the SATS at “her” school? Could she sit them somewhere else, another school?

As for the time leading up to them I’d probably make an urgent apt to get her signed off sick. Have you got support from any outside services? I guess you could keep her off without a certificate but you’d probably be fined.

Have you asked school if she can be educated off site ( is that a thing?) for two weeks?

LemonBreeland · 29/04/2019 15:22

I do think that perhaps it is time to take the decision out of her hands completely and tell her she isn't doing the SATs. If you take her out of the school then she won't be hearing the opposite from the teachers.

DesparateDino · 29/04/2019 15:24

Take her out now. She will be fine in high school.

christinarossetti19 · 29/04/2019 15:24

If at all possible, I would take her out of school as unwell/being educated off site/reduced timetable due to illness from now but let her go in to actually sit the papers if she wants to.

The school should make 'reasonable adjustments' so that she doesn't have to see or be in the same room as the children who bullied her.

There is absolutely no need to revise for SATS. The only reason that they're important for your dd now is that she wants to sit them. I can see that that might be helpful for her, as it's usually good to finish what you start.

iamH · 29/04/2019 15:27

Can you not remove her now.
Start home Ed and print off some old sat papers for who to do at home.
So she still gets to do them.

meowcatmeow · 29/04/2019 15:29

De-register her from school. SATs at 11 will have no bearing on her future life, but her mental health now could. My DD never did Y6 SATS for various reasons, its had no academic impact at all...and she is so much happier.

bookmum08 · 29/04/2019 15:30

Sats only test Maths and Spag. Talk to her to say that those two subjects are just a tiny part of primary school and all the other things you do at Primary is just as important. The art projects, assemblys, Christmas play sports day, growing plants, having a book swap, singing, music, making cupcakes, building a volcano, meeting that author who came for a visit... so so much. Remind what she couldn't do at age 4 and how she has learned so many skills and had so many experiences and the sats are just one small part of it and if you don't take the tests it doesn't matter.

Punxsutawney · 29/04/2019 15:32

I think maybe you need to make the decision for her now. I can speak from bitter experience. I have not stepped in and made difficult decisions for my child and their education and I really regret it, unfortunately you can't turn back time.

meowcatmeow · 29/04/2019 15:32

You are also the parent in this and know what is best for her long term. She is 11 and can't see much further than the SATS. Make the decision and she will deal with it. Within a few days the change will be visible. Give her time to recover from school and prep for high school. She's bright, Y6 won't being doing much academic wise from now to the end of term so make the most of the next few months.

Beamur · 29/04/2019 15:40

If it's any comfort, my DD did SAT's last year and her school had a totally different approach. No pressure, no homework, just a few revision lessons in the weeks leading to it.
I think you need to make this decision for her. Perhaps a compromise would be to only attend school for the exams and do some gentle revision at home. I don't think I would want to expose my anxious child to teachers pressurising for results.

tkband3 · 29/04/2019 15:40

Secondary schools take no notice of SATs results - they all do their own assessments at the beginning of year 7 in each subject. Your DD's primary school is piling on the pressure because they know she is likely to do well and will therefore push up their results average.

Definitely don't send her in for the next two weeks - if she is desperate to take the SATs, then just send her in for them (and even then, they're only in the mornings, so she could come home in the afternoon). But ideally, persuade her that her primary education has been about so much more than the results of these meaningless tests and have her at home where she can rest, recover from all that she has been through, and prepare for a fresh start at secondary school.

Comefromaway · 29/04/2019 15:43

Neither of my two did SATS. Both are/were at secondaries where almost everyone else had done SATS.

It hasn't affected them at all.

Gazelda · 29/04/2019 15:47

Have you spoken to the secondary school she'll be attending? Update them on DDs situation and ask their advice regarding SATs? I bet they'll tell you that they don't need any SATs results, and her wellbeing during the transition to secondary is far more important.

BelleSausage · 29/04/2019 15:51

@MayorMumbum

None of the secondaries I have taught at use the SATs scores for setting. They do use them to initially project flight paths and they are used to project GCSE s. However, students without them get a projection based on Yr7 teacher assessment at my current place.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 16:00

She isn't guaranteed a secondary school place. One of the reasons for moving was that they have allocated her a place at a school in special measures with serious issues with violence etc. She's currently 3rd on the waiting list for a school that is much more suited for her but I'm happy to homeschool until we get a place for her.
You've all given me a lot to think about. I may call the school in the morning and see if they can accommodate her sats. I don't care if we get fined for her absence. Or I may call in sick tomorrow then send in a letter to deregister on Tuesday. I worry the school will think very little of me and am sad to leave on bad terms as the head has so far been very helpful and understanding but DD is what is important.

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 29/04/2019 16:06

I don't understand why she would have to be up so early and home so late?

Sod what the school thinks.

Chartreuser · 29/04/2019 16:10

That is exactly what I was going to say. As you know SATs are a test of SATs and nothing else, so it is possible that she could score lower than in her years and that could make things worse

Aragog · 29/04/2019 16:34

Please reassure her that the SATs are really not that important.

Yes. some schools may use them to set initially but by no means all. And in any half decent school those sets are moveable - teachers will be regularly assessing children and will know if one is in the 'wrong' group. You'll know too so you can push for a change if need be.

If she goes with no SATs they will use teacher assessment instead. By the sounds of it these will be good anyway.

SATs can be used to give a rough estimate for GCSEs but again, this doesn't mean that the child will only get that grade and nothing above or below. And most schools use other measures too, alongside SATs.

Dd didn't do them. Her school didn't. All of her classmates, who went to a variety of schools, managed without them very well. It's not held any of them back.

And really - its year 6 SATs and she's 11. She doesn't need to be revising! They're supposed to be a reflection of what stage a child is at, at most, and if it's from constant revision and booster sessions then that's no longer the case. You risk inflated predictions and several years of not quite reaching predictions and targets on secondary, and constant pressure, which is not good for a child's self esteem.

A 12-13 hour day for an 11 year old just feels too much to me. She's a child.

Is it really worth it?!

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 16:35

She would have to be up early/home late due to our having moved further away from the school she currently attends.

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