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Original poster

Psychologically unwell DD and Sats, please help.

150 replies

MayorMumbum · 29/04/2019 14:38

I've posted here quite a lot recently but I'm back needing yet more advice.

For a few reasons we have had to do a last minute house move. The plan that we originally had was to have DH commute with 11yo DD to school by bus until after her Sats, when we would then pull her out to homeschool her for the rest of the year until she starts secondary.

DD has suffered pretty horrendous bullying over the last year and is being assessed for trichotillomania/self harming behaviour and deteriorating mental health but really, really wants to see her Sats through and she is expected to get very high marks.

However, after having done a practice run we have figured out she will need to be up at 6AM every morning in order to get to school for the 2 weeks running up to Sats and wouldn't be home until after 7. I just feel that it would be too much for her in her current psychological state and she would have very little time to revise.

Ideally I would like to keep her at home to revise/rest then send her in for Sats week then pull her out. I'm not sure if the head would be at all OK with this but I'm not sure what else to do. So any advice/guidance would really help as she's due back tomorrow.

OP posts:
hobbitharry · 30/04/2019 13:19

There are lots of SATS/ Year 7 work books around- you could get a couple of those for her to work through so you have something to show them if they do ask for anything or choose a topic she is interested in - area of history etc and get her to do a project on it - include lots of different aspects of it - again they can look at that if they need to - we haven’t got many weeks left before the end of the school year so you may find they don’t ask for any evidence of learning

christinarossetti19 · 30/04/2019 13:34

Mayormumbum I would tell the council that you will be continuing with the national curriculum until the end of the school year.

Given this point in Y6, that probably will be enough to satisfy them. If not, you can have a quick google of homeschool sites and cobble together something.

It's so good to read that your dd is feeling better. That's all you need to see to know that you made the right decision. Your nerves will calm when this becomes the new normal for you all.

And yy to what another poster says about secondary school. Ensure that you've accepted whatever place you've been offered and keep in regular touch about the waiting list for your preferred school.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 30/04/2019 13:43

@mayormumbum

Great decision.

I would suggest going on the Sec Ed boards - there is excellent advice there about how to shape appeals. I would look at all secondary schools that you would consider and apply to them too, and get DDs name on as many waiting lists as schools you think would be suitable. Does your new address open up new possibilities?

Good luck with the secondary school thing (DD got into a brilliant school from waiting list in February - she was 17th on the list initially so if you are 3rd you may be in with a good chance).

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

11 year olds Families General education
Original poster
MayorMumbum · 30/04/2019 14:21

Thank you for all of your suggestions, you've all been so lovely Flowers

OP posts:
Owlettele · 30/04/2019 14:31

Take her out and home school her now - my daughter won' t be sitting SATS - however she feels at the time.

truthisarevolutionaryact · 30/04/2019 23:46

OP - don't worry about the home ed. Councils (quite rightly) do need to check that children are both safe and receiving an education. As others have said, some work books and using some online support for Home Ed.
Have a look at the Home Ed sites (and I think there's a home ed board in here?) where parents share the lovely creative things that they do. Your biggest challenge is to help your daughter heal and get her ready for her next school so she's feeling confident and positive. Good luck to you both. Flowers

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 01/05/2019 06:36

I suppose now the LA are already checking on me I just feel this intense pressure to do work etc so we have something to show them when what she really needs is a period of time to just relax, read and have some nice trips etc. Not sure how to explain this to them without it sounding like I don't plan on "educating" her.
I don't want to go overboard when, hopefully, this is just a temporary measure.
I also don't want to add even an ounce more anxiety to DD right now who is feeling incredibly vulnerable and sad.

OP posts:
Cookit · 01/05/2019 08:03

You have done absolutely the best thing for her.
Fuck the school, they want her to do SATS because she’ll do well for them but she’s had such a terrible time at school that she’s self harming at 11. She owes them nothing.

I’m sure you can print off some curriculum details online and come up with some activities that will suffice for LA proof but that are also something your daughter will enjoy. It’s literally about 6 weeks left, how much can they expect?

I had a terrible time at school, years of sitting alone for lunch and avoiding everyone every lunch and break time for years. It has really stayed with me and I just wish I’d had parents brave enough to say enough is enough and pull me out.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 01/05/2019 10:15

That was DD too, dreading lunch times because she would have to be in the library alone.
Well I've ordered some Ks3 books (English, Maths, Science) to have her work through just in case she doesn't get a spot in September. I've also enrolled her for girl guides in our new village so she can maybe make some friends that way. We're also going to do some kind of project involving Greek mythology (she is obsessed with it).
I'm hoping we don't just get someone turning up before we have got some kind of routine in place. We've only lived here two weeks and there are still boxes everywhere.

OP posts:
steppemum · 01/05/2019 13:25

OP - don't worry about the home ed. Councils (quite rightly) do need to check that children are both safe and receiving an education. As others have said, some work books and using some online support for Home Ed.

This is not entirely correct, I am pretty sure that you do not have to justify anything at all to anyone.
(It is a current topic of debate that the council has NO right to see exactly what happens in a HE household)

You can simply say - we are pursuing school through visiting palces and go as little or as often as you like.

IT IS FINE to take some time out and enjoy the relief of being out of it, and rebuild her confidence.
Enjoy some good books together, go on some visits to places you like.

Please please go over the the Home Ed board as ask the question, what do I have to do for the council, and what can I say no to. For example, if they say they are coming to visit, you can decline the visit.

You can say you are 'unschooling' for 3 months to depressure your child. Totally 100% valid. Please go and get the info from those in the know. You don't need a routine (your HE style can be any routine you like, or none) You don't need to prove anything to the council

Unpack your boxes, she is learning how to move house this week!

I think you 100% did the right thing, now don't waste this pressious time worrying, have a nice time with you dd.

Cookit · 01/05/2019 13:32

And adding to what I said before, I would honestly say that when your daughter looks back in 5/10/20 years she will remember what you did so positively. You’ve stood up for her and should be really proud.

Waterfallgirl · 01/05/2019 13:45

Well done for supporting your DD OP it sounds as though her anxieties will improve now you have decided together she is not going back. The teachers who have PP are the experts, and they have all said that SATS don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so your DD may be anxious about them and you have some evidence to reassure her. To give your DD an anecdote from my own family, both my DC went to the same school who put no emphasis on SATS at all, they were not required to revise, or do extra work, just their ‘best’ like any normal day. My eldest DC is now at uni on his chosen course and my other DC about to sit GCSE. Neither of them have EVER spoken to me about or asked about SATS and these have never been mentioned at school. Good luck to your DD for wanting to do well, and she will, but SATS are not important, SHE is.

averythinline · 01/05/2019 13:50

thats sounds plenty of home ed.....do not worry about the council and home ed.. there are plenty that have a period of 'unschooling' before you do anything...look on your new local facebook there maybe a local group (there are a few near me) if you fancy doing anythin social but otherwise just give yourselves a break for a bit...

thisisthetime · 01/05/2019 14:10

I haven’t rtft but from what I have read it seems as though going back would be detrimental to her mental health.

Could you pull her out and homeschool her now, print out some past SATs papers and let her take those during SATs week and mark them for her? Not sure if she wants to do it for the school or for herself? Obviously the results wouldn’t be official or useful for her secondary school but maybe it would be some kind of compromise for your dd.

If she’s not happy with that I think have her signed off sick until SATs week and then just take her in for the SATs. Depending on discussion with the school you could collect her for lunch so she wouldn’t have to be in the playground. A previous suggestion of staying in a hotel is also a good one if you can afford it. You could make it a fun 4 days with a trip to the cinema or out to eat in the evening/movie and popcorn in hotel room so she doesn’t feel too stressed.

truthisarevolutionaryact · 01/05/2019 15:57

OP, please don't worry. Councils have very limited resources and they know that currently their powers are limited in terms of checking.

They don't want to interfere but they do try to carry out their duty to make sure that all children are first of all safe and secondly, getting an education that they are entitled to.. It's only when social services / neighbours / GPs etc are reporting concerns that they try to insist - your circumstances won't trigger it. A responsible parent who has taken their child out of school because of a house move and is open about the additional circumstances won't ring alarm bells. Just be open with them - you've nothing to hide. You've had some great advice already about enjoyable educational things you can do with your daughter to help her resilience and recovery. Enjoy.

Oliversmumsarmy · 01/05/2019 16:09

Home education is about a child receiving an education.

It doesn’t specify what that education covers.

SATS I have been told are to advise on placements in Secondary schools but unless you go to a tiny secondary school and everyone has grades perfectly spaced out then you have a problem.
For example. If you have an intake of 150 pupils and 50 of them scored in the top grade but there is only 30 places in the class. Then they are useless and the schools have to set their own tests anyway.

meowcatmeow · 01/05/2019 19:16

I had the LEA contact me after 4 weeks; I said we were in the process of deschooling and working on building confidence back up and reducing anxiety levels.
I said DD had been reading, watching nature programs on TV and we'd been on quite a few 'educational' trips. I said they could contact me in 6 months when we were into the flow of home ed.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 03/05/2019 10:52

Her school have apparently not deregistered her as they're waiting for the head to get back. How serious is this? Surely then at the moment she is currently absent from school? Quite worried Confused.

OP posts:
meowcatmeow · 03/05/2019 11:09

Did you send the standard de-registration letter to the school?

christinarossetti19 · 03/05/2019 11:57

Yes, send the standard de-reg letter and request that they mark her as absent due to illness until such time as they get their act together.

This is an administrative problem and not yours or your dd's.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 03/05/2019 12:14

Yes sent the letter in on Tuesday but they haven't deregistered her as yet.

OP posts:
christinarossetti19 · 03/05/2019 12:25

Don't panic. It's just an admin thing. Just ask them to record her as sick in the meantime.

WitchesGlove · 03/05/2019 14:19

If she doesn’t take her SATs, her secondary school might put her in the bottom set for everything. That won’t help her.

Also, kids can be pretty nasty to others who haven’t done as well as them

christinarossetti19 · 03/05/2019 14:30

That's ridiculously unhelpful WitchesGlove not to mention untrue.

Firstly, not all secondary schools set in Y7 and certainly not for every subject. They also use CAT tests and assessment of the first few weeks to decide sets, which are fluid anyway.

My dd didn't receive her SATS results and she was still placed in the top maths set (the only subject they set for in Y7) after CAT tests. Her computer generated targets were very low, I explained why ie because of the missing SATS results and they simply crossed them out and adjusted them.

IMVHE, kids don't give much of a shit about the SATS results when they receive them, let alone when they're getting to grips with a new school in September.

OP, when your dd gets a place at her secondary school, you can meet with the head of year and pastoral lead and explain her situation and needs.

flitwit99 · 03/05/2019 14:40

Please don't worry about this. It's procedure, it's admin, it's not your problem.

Your dd is with you. She's well, she's safe, she's happy. You are doing the right thing for her. Enjoy these extra few weeks with her before she heads off to her new school. You are lucky to have this extra time with her and she is lucky to have you on her side.

Ask on the home ed boards for someone to help you draft a letter to the council explaining what you are doing education-wise for the rest of the term.
You don't need this letter, no-one has any right to demand it. But if you have it just in case you will feel better. If anyone contacts you you can just send in the letter, job done.

And just saying again- you are doing the right thing. You are doing a brave thing. I hope you both feel better in the next few weeks and have fun.