My Stepdaughters mum let's her share her bed.

[Mholley]

Hi,
I'm not normally someone who would actively seek help like this online but we are really stuck as to what to do.
My stepdaughter who is 7 is still sharing a bed with her mum (We have lots of issues with her mum and she can be very unreasonable) and she now gets so scared at bed time she is throwing up. Adding to this, she is going to sleep way later than is expected of a 7 year old because she goes to bed at the same time as mother and then waking up at 6. We go through good patches and bad patches but over the last couple of months it has grown progressively worse, as has her anxiety. Both her head teacher and our GP have told her mum that sharing a bed is not ideal and at 7 she should really be sleeping on her own, especially considering that 50% of her life is spent at our house where she has to sleep in her own bed. They have explained that she needs to create her own independence and this in turn will help with her anxiety but she doesn't seem to care.
We have tried everything to try and get her to sleep in her own bed. We've tried positive reinforcement, taking treats/pocket money away. We've tried the soft approach and stayed with her until she falls asleep and we've tried leaving her on her own. We've got to the point where no one (apart from the baby) is getting a good night's sleep, which in turn makes it harder as she is getting to the point of being so over tired. Also we are all missing out as a family as the things and days out we have planned we are having to take away from her as it's the only thing she seems to care about! Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

I kinda feel for you op. As well as more so for the kid involved.

My DS is 50% of the time with him dad who let's him watch TV /have audible on all night until he falls asleep, so now he has lost the ability to fall asleep himself in a quiet room which is not what I want. I used to get worked up and enforce the turning tv off after 30 mins even if he was still awake but when it's 3 days there then 3 days with me it was too much of a battle to go through the tantrums and withdrawal of not getting something at my house that he gets with his dad every couple of days just to have that undone in 1 night as soon as he goes back to his dad's.

I think 7 is a bit old for sleeping with a parent but not the worst thing in the world and I wouldn't make a big deal of it (even if it carries on until 8/9) as it's not worth making g the anxiety worse.

Try to just make your house a positive and calming experience for the DC. Sleeping in the same bed won't last forever

Poor little girl. I don't see the problem with her sharing with her mum tbh. She obviously should be getting enough sleep though.
Are you sure she's not overly anxious at bedtime due to you making a huge deal about her having to sleep alone?
Also why the 50/50 care? Did both parents do 50 percent of the care before they split up?
Personally I don't think it's in the interests of the child be live 50% of the time at each house, except in a small number of cases.
Who was the primary carer? That should be who the child lives with.

How do you know what time your SD goes to bed at her mum’s? My children are clueless as to what time they go to bed. But at 7 years old they always woke up at 6.

When my ExH and I separated my two boys slept in my bed for a few weeks - their choice. They both then use to come into my bed if they were feeling unwell or wanted comfort. Tell you what it doesn’t last long and now I so miss those cuddles with my children.

My DD is 11 and up until 6 months ago slept with me. I tried to get her to sleep in her own bed but the distress this caused was heartbreaking.

In the end getting her a double bed and letting her choose new bedding etc worked.

Punishing a 7 year old for anxiety is cruel and making things worse.