Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I am fucking furious and Hurt by this friend

84 replies

NcedForThis · 22/04/2019 23:22

I’ve been going through a hard time with my mental health and have an appointment this week with the GP to discuss this and the possibility of some anti-depressants.

A few friends know this and have all, I thought, been very supportive and kind.

I’m a nanny, I haven’t allowed this to impact my job and haven’t made any decisions on whether or not to tell the parents I work for.

One friend (also a nanny who has done the odd babysitting gig for my bosses) bumped into them today and has told them everything.

Her reasoning is that as a parent herself, she would want to know if her nanny was on medication for something that could mean the nanny wouldn’t look after the children properly.

I found this out after receiving a text from MumBoss saying “we bumped into X today and she told us of all the issues you’re working through, let us know if we can do anything to support you. We’ll discuss it tomorrow.”.

This wasn’t her fucking business to tell, this had fucking nothing to do with her

I am so angry, hurt and humiliated and want nothing more then to tell everyone the shit I know about her. Which I won’t. But what the fuck do I do now. I’m so upset by this

OP posts:
FiremanKing · 22/04/2019 23:26

Not a very nice thing to do and I suspect an ulterior motive seeing as she has the same job as you.

She could have said to you that you should tell your employer if she has concerns.

ThePerturbedPenguin · 22/04/2019 23:27

What a fucking cow!

Aimily · 22/04/2019 23:31

That was unfair and our if order on her part!
The message you've received is quite nice actually, shows they put your mh as a priority. If they question why you hadn't told them yourself, just say you wanted to talk to Dr first so that things were straight in your head when it can't to discussing it with them.
Also cut the 'friend' out, she clearly has ulterior motives. Hope your appointment goes well.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Zoflorabore · 22/04/2019 23:34

Her actions are likely to negatively impact on your already fragile MH. What an piece of work she is. She's certainly no friend op.

What I will say though as a fellow MH sufferer, most people are extremely understanding these days and most of the taboos have been smashed. Rightly so.
MH issues can affect absolutely anyone. They do not discriminate!

Hopefully, your employer will want to help you out and be a listening ear, they probably are concerned as you're caring for their children but no doubt like and trust you and already have a good relationship so will not want to lose you.
Be honest with them if can and give assurances that your work will continue at the highest standards.

I would cut this so called friend off though and unfortunately put it down to a shitty experience. Hope you're ok Flowers

KnifeAngel · 22/04/2019 23:39

It wasn't her place to tell them but I think you should have told them.

FiremanKing · 22/04/2019 23:41

I would tell your boss that the friend has acted maliciously and embellished what you told her.

Your friend has betrayed your confidence so just completely block her out of your life. You won’t be able to trust her ever again.

Original poster
NcedForThis · 22/04/2019 23:44

She definitely doesn’t want my job if that’s the ulterior motive you’re thinking of

I’m incredibly hurt by it, incredibly hurt that she went behind my back about something that had fuck all to do with her.

My bosses may be supportive, they may not be, I’ve been there for 4y and know their thoughts on things like this. My ability to do my job has not changed, I’m just as good a nanny as I was 4y ago

Why should I have told them Knife?!

OP posts:
FiremanKing · 22/04/2019 23:46

I think you are doing the right thing by seeing the doctor first before speaking to your employer.

However, that’s been taken away from you by your so called friend.

cstaff · 22/04/2019 23:47

What a spiteful bitch. Is there any chance that she was hoping for your job. Obviously you will have to come clean with your employer now as she has put you in an awkward position with them. Hopefully they will be understanding of your situation. Drop her and best of luck with them.

Tingface · 22/04/2019 23:48

I’d probably just tell your employees she’d blown it out of all proportion; that you had mentioned you’d been feeling low and tired so just wanted your GP to be in the loop; so thanks so much for your concern but you’re absolutely fine work wise etc. Then I’d drop this “friend” completely.

Unless of course you really are very mentally unwell and really shouldn’t be working... but only you know that.

Flowers for you.

cstaff · 22/04/2019 23:50

Just seen your update. If she didn't want your job did she have any other motive to tell them what was your private business.

Orangeballon · 23/04/2019 00:04

It would seem that 50% of the population are on antidepressants, maybe more so this should not impact on your work. I am one of the very few that I know that are not on them. The people that I know on antidepressants carry out their work in a satisfactory manner.

Mummaofmytribe · 23/04/2019 00:07

She had no place doing that. If she was genuinely concerned about you, she should have spoken to you and said so

SusieOwl4 · 23/04/2019 00:11

You are only discussing anti depressants so I see no need for you to tell your employer at this stage and your friend definitely should not have said anything . Without knowing the full extent of your problems it’s hard for anyone else to judge what you should do next , there are many types and symptoms of depression some may or may not affect your job. Hope you get the help you need and that your other friends continue to support you.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 23/04/2019 00:11

This is a breach of trust I wouldn't be able to look past. Your employers have no automatic right to know your private medical information unless it's having an adverse impact on the way you do your job, and this was not your confidante's judgement call to make. She has far overreached herself and behaved in a very machiavellian manner. You already know that retaliating by doing the same thing to her would not be the right thing to do, but in your position this 'friend' would have seen and heard from me for the last time.

Original poster
NcedForThis · 23/04/2019 00:12

I think she gets a kick out of being confided in, like she knows something others don’t and that’s almost fun for her

I regretted telling her quite quickly but that was because I didn’t think she’d take it seriously not because she’s pull this shit

She had no reason whatsoever to tell them, nothing at all

OP posts:
Original poster
NcedForThis · 23/04/2019 00:13

I am absolutely done with her, I want nothing to do with her

OP posts:
cstaff · 23/04/2019 00:17

You're right OP. She is no friend after pulling this stunt and particularly if she was just doing it for kicks. Just avoid her at all costs.

FreshAprilStart · 23/04/2019 00:18

Remember this experience as when you confide in a number of people then this is often what happens. You'll know better in future.

Focus now is to minimise with your employer and down play. Anti depressants can be prescribed for all sorts of things. Please don't rush in and give lots of details or invite them to share in your experience. Your health is a personal matter so keep it that way.

I've been on antidepressants for 5 years. Best thing I ever did. Told no one. My career has soared with my new found equilibrium.

Good luck Thanks

FreshAprilStart · 23/04/2019 00:22

Oh, and your friend is a shit stirrer, best dropped.

Ruru8thestars · 23/04/2019 00:25

What a cow. Do you need to discuss with your employers though?

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 23/04/2019 00:27

She is not your friend. I wouldn’t judge my nanny for being on antidepressants and I wouldn’t judge a parent for it either; it’s responsible to do what you can to make yourself as well as possible.

I hope your GP is supportive when you go this week.

Nofilter · 23/04/2019 00:32

That's disgusting. There are millions of people on anti depressants doing all sorts of jobs. Does she think they should all be called out too?

She is NOT a friend.

Original poster
NcedForThis · 23/04/2019 06:36

Thank you.

I saw a less then supportive GP a few months back so hoping I have better luck with this one.

I thought if I slept on it I’d calm down, but nope, I’m absolutely furious still

OP posts:
Decormad38 · 23/04/2019 06:39

Er not a friend. Associate maybe. Work colleague but no friend!