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Original poster

I am fucking furious and Hurt by this friend

84 replies

NcedForThis · 22/04/2019 23:22

I’ve been going through a hard time with my mental health and have an appointment this week with the GP to discuss this and the possibility of some anti-depressants.

A few friends know this and have all, I thought, been very supportive and kind.

I’m a nanny, I haven’t allowed this to impact my job and haven’t made any decisions on whether or not to tell the parents I work for.

One friend (also a nanny who has done the odd babysitting gig for my bosses) bumped into them today and has told them everything.

Her reasoning is that as a parent herself, she would want to know if her nanny was on medication for something that could mean the nanny wouldn’t look after the children properly.

I found this out after receiving a text from MumBoss saying “we bumped into X today and she told us of all the issues you’re working through, let us know if we can do anything to support you. We’ll discuss it tomorrow.”.

This wasn’t her fucking business to tell, this had fucking nothing to do with her

I am so angry, hurt and humiliated and want nothing more then to tell everyone the shit I know about her. Which I won’t. But what the fuck do I do now. I’m so upset by this

OP posts:
Groovee · 23/04/2019 06:43

It's a complete breech of confidence as a friend. I'd not be speaking to her ever again.

I hope the GP can help you and that your employers remain supportive as their texts reads to me that they will be.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 23/04/2019 06:46

I don’t blame you! It’s a terrible thing to have done but now you know to have nothing more to do with her.

If your MH was impacting work or you were prescribed something which means you shouldn’t drive etc which would affect work then I’d have told your employers. Actually if they’re decent people, I’d have told them too just so they’re aware and informed. But only if I thought they’d be supportive.

As a friend, I might have encouraged you to tell them something if not the whole extent. Especially if you would benefit from a slight change in routine, ie an hour to go running or the gym (good endorphins).

Hope you get a sympathetic GP this time and your chat goes well.

StealthPolarBear · 23/04/2019 06:50

I think your bosses just wanted you to know what she'd done

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Families
sandgrown · 23/04/2019 06:53

My DP suffers with long term depression but with medication he is perfectly capable of doing his job. Your "friend" had no right to share this information unless she thought you were at risk of serious harm. I hope your employers are understanding x

whitehalleve · 23/04/2019 06:55

Your boss sounds more of a friend than your 'friend'

Busylizzie65 · 23/04/2019 07:00

Your so-called friend has behaved atrociously. On the plus side, it sounds like your boss has reacted in the perfect way, supportive and on your side.
Time to cut out the friend and focus on getting better. Good luck Smile

BringMeTea · 23/04/2019 07:07

Weapons grade cunt. I would be furious too. Hope you feel better soon and that your boss is ok. Frankly you are not obliged to 'discuss it tomorrow'. I would cut the 'friend' off with immediate effect. Flowers

ThanosSavedMe · 23/04/2019 07:12

I’m sorry you’re so called friend has betrayed your trust. Hopefully your employers just want to make sure you’re ok and how they can support you.

Ditch the ‘friend’

arseabouttit · 23/04/2019 07:34

I once had a nanny who was suffering with her MH. If I were your employer I would want to know and I would do everything to support you. I know it's deeply personal and it's going to be difficult to open up to them but if you are a great nanny they will want to keep you! You are doing the right thing seeking help & hard as it might be please accept any support you are offered.

As to the friend, it was not her place and I understand completely why you are so upset. Try to ride out the wave of emotion and don't do anything until you have let a bit of time pass and let the feelings die down a little. This too will pass!

Thanks
Lottle · 23/04/2019 07:34

Is the 'friend' after your job?

Absolute bitch.

Feel so bad for you. Hope your employers are nice about this. Sounds like they will be x

PregnantSea · 23/04/2019 07:51

What a massive bitch. Next time you see her I'd tell her how much of a bitch she is and then I wouldn't bother with her again

astuz · 23/04/2019 07:56

Know exactly how you feel. When I had cancer (I'm fine now!), for one reason and another we had to tell PiL quite early on, before I'd even told my own mother. We swore them to absolute secrecy and I honestly thought I could trust them, but they went and told half of the rest of my DHs family!

I felt so violated, I couldn't bring myself to speak to them for months. I think they did it purely because they've got nothing much better to do (retired) and it gave them a sense of importance, which I think FiL especially misses since he retired.

It happened about 6 months ago and I'm still fuming about it as I write this.

You don't have to tell anyone your private medical details if you don't want to - that's why they're confidential and why doctors are bound by confidentiality laws! So, if you don't want to tell you employer, then don't, although I can understand other PPs who have said it might be wise to tell them, but only you know the circumstances.

kateandme · 23/04/2019 07:59

oh yeh one of those pepole that loves spreading malicious shit becasue it gets their veins sparking.
dont get emotional with your boss.and let her know its malicious spreading because if anything were to effect how you did you job you would be the first person to reassure or let her know.and just by doing this job means you would be the first to point out anything that might cause problems to the littlies in your care.
because no matter how great you are once someone sets a niggle going its hard to always forget it.(not that a mental health condition would impact you,but i bet the way she worded it wasnt sympathetic...)you coming to her now straight and calm will just reasure any doubts.
im sorry a friend did this to you.
it just fuels the bloody stigma against mental health.
go and talk to prince william,his head together charity works for this!

kateandme · 23/04/2019 08:03

well done for getting some help.dont let this side track you.it will be bringing up great emotions of being let down and fury and trust breaking.but this is one idiot.you deserve the help and support so go for it ok.you can do this.

BoundByBriars · 23/04/2019 08:10

I’m so sorry this has happened to you after confiding in what you thought was a friend.

If it were me, i couldn’t have anything to do with her now and I would have to let her know why. I probably couldn’t raise it face-to-face without losing my shit, so would write a well-thought out text/email/letter with everything in that she needs to know about what she’s done.

What an utter cow.

I expect your employers will handle it fine. The first thing the gp usually suggests is regular exercise, good diet, meditation or talking therapy so maybe you can let them know that’s what you’re doing and it’s working but also hint that “friend” is a one for stirring and exaggerating, so to take what she says with a pinch of salt.

You can then pursue whatever treatment you think is appropriate for you as it’s none of their business anyway.

Girlofgold · 23/04/2019 08:18

What a boot she is. Talk to them, reassure them if necessary and take any support you think they could give. There's no shame here. You could be bereaved and be under par for a while. We all go through dips whether we are nannies, doctors or in the fire service.

Pinkyyy · 23/04/2019 08:22

What an absolute bitch. I hope you let her know how you feel OP.

billybagpuss · 23/04/2019 08:22

Hope today goes well Flowers

Coyoacan · 23/04/2019 08:22

Your health issues aren't really any of your employers' business. And, as someone said above a huge number of people take anti-depressants. Still your employer sounds decent and your ex-friend a shit.

saraclara · 23/04/2019 08:24

I'd never forgive that.

Don't let it impact your chat with your employer though. She might well have made your condition sound much worse than it is. So keep things calm and make it clear that this is just an early stage of checking in with a GP and maybe considering anti depressants, just as a huge proportion of the population does.

Nomorepies · 23/04/2019 08:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Meowzzz · 23/04/2019 08:45

I’d probably just tell your employees she’d blown it out of all proportion; that you had mentioned you’d been feeling low and tired so just wanted your GP to be in the loop; so thanks so much for your concern but you’re absolutely fine work wise etc. Then I’d drop this “friend” completely.

This sounds like a good way to deal with it

kateandme · 23/04/2019 08:52

what makes me so f*cking angry here too is that if someone wasnt feeling so stable with their mental health this is exactly the type of mud slinging that could push them over or to their egde!

WhiskersPete · 23/04/2019 08:58

What a way to stigmatise mental health. As PP said, half the population are on ADs at some point and don’t need to disclose it to their employer.

She’s NO friend - I wouldn’t have anything to do with her again.

1moreRep · 23/04/2019 09:09

it was a crap thing to do, however, is there a chance that she is close to your bosses and knows they would be ok and supportive.

Perhaps she has been worried about you and believed if your bosses know it would help?

i'm only trying to find a positive motive as it was such a crap thing to do. Personally i would want to know if i was your boss just so i could support you and ensure you had time free for appointments etc, yet i would want the information to come from you

however, you're not alone OP and plenty of ppl take medication.