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Things you wish you knew before you gave birth?

164 replies

User1838482 · 22/04/2019 12:23

Due in 10 weeks, first time mum and feel I've got virtually everything ready and waiting for the arrival.

Just for fun, and possibly for some useful info, is there anything you wish you knew before you give birth? Be it about pregnancy, labour, newborns, parenting, life in general..

Any pearls of wisdom to share?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 24/04/2019 20:31

It's safer to plan for co-sleeping even if you don't want to do it, than to fall asleep with your baby accidentally because you are exhausted. Learn how to do it safely and what to think about: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Most baby advice, like more than 99% of it, it's all somebody's opinion and not fact. Be sceptical about absolutely everything you read, because most of it contradicts each other and you will drive yourself absolutely mental trying to follow all of it. But you can also fall into the trap of "us vs them" thinking where some baby advice insists that their own "facts" are more true than some other person's "facts" and this tends to shut you off to potentially useful suggestions. If you don't like something you don't have to do it, but it's not a good reason to decide that somebody advising that is "them".

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/04/2019 22:22

My NCT lady told us to breathe around rectangles, in on the short edges, out on the long. This really helped me to labour at home until my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart.

Have the pool if you can.

Stay at home as long as possible.

Lil-lets are the best maternity pads - buy LOADS.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/04/2019 22:30

White noise is great for settling a newborn.

Don’t do too much too soon. I had a very straightforward birth and was out the same night, I felt great and was straight out and about. It told on me a few days later.

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PurpleFlower1983 · 24/04/2019 22:32

A quote from a first aid course for those family members who insist your baby is cold: “A cold baby cried, a hot baby dies”.

PurpleFlower1983 · 24/04/2019 22:32

*cries

AppleDump · 24/04/2019 22:38

Buy a rubber ring to sit on
If you have had stitches. It was a godsend for me and I got so much relief.

Good luck

Gbtch · 24/04/2019 23:47

Dilation measurement! How far you are dilated is apparently important. So much so they measure it every 6 minutes ( probably less than that in the midwifes more relaxed world)
Do you know how they measure dilation?
They shove their hands up your vagina and measure the diameter of your internal opening by scraping their long nailed fingertips around your cervix and estimating the distance between them !!
Flipping eck! I had not expected that!

Gbtch · 24/04/2019 23:49

Ask to check their finger nails first!
But so worth it. Nothing is more fulfilling than giving birth to your beautifully baby. Nothing. Enjoy. X

Graphista · 24/04/2019 23:50

Fully expecting a flaming as my views are NOT popular/considered correct

If you have a section it can take much longer for milk to come in, this doesn't mean you have to give up on bf if you want to it's entirely possible for a baby to start off tube and bottle fed and learn to bf later or be mixed fed. There's so little info on mix feeding in U.K.

Safe co-sleeping means everyone is far more likely to get a decent kip!

If baby has day/night upside down re-educate them ASAP. Sprinkles if cold water on face, lots of sunlight, lots of activity in daytime, warm, dark and quiet at night (but not too quiet they like to know someone's there - mistake I made was having the house almost silent then wondering why dd was freaked!)

Have dummies - preferably fluorescent ones so you can find them in the middle of the night, also dummy clips will save you a fortune! If you just get a few and end up not using they're not super expensive but if you're having a horrific night you don't want to have to trail out to buy dummies.

Drink loads and eat fruit from the fortnight before you're due, keeps your stool soft and everything moving. I kept a 2 litre jug of iced weak squash on the go for first few months and I'm normally not a drinker.

Don't use fabric conditioner on baby's things. It's unnecessary and the perfumes can irritate sensitive skin.

Bf does hurt even when you get it right it takes a good few weeks till your body gets used to it, use nipple shields if that helps (one midwife tried to tell me off for this but they helped me and as she'd no kids of her own and was a bit of a twat I ignored her) but when it does it's super easy and free!

FF is a pita but there's ways to make it easier - use them. I had dd when the predominant advice allowed for making up 24hrs worth of bottles at once and storing in fridge, you can still do that it just isn't widely advertised. Different formulas suit different babies, we were on our 4th before we hit one dd could keep down, they're not all the same at all. Ditto bottles, teats etc dd really couldn't manage the modern silicon tests and my mum suggested the old style latex ones which she much preferred but they're harder to get hold of. Equally the supposed "colic preventing" bottles made her gassy as hell. She was much better with older long bottles. I found bottle warmers bloody useless, much preferred boiling a kettle and sticking the bottle in a jug of boiling water, way quicker (and cheaper).

Need to sterilise a dummy quickly? Stick in a jug pour boiling water on it quickly dry and allow to cool. I think there's a minimum amount of time it needs to be in the boiling water for Iirc 3-5 mins but it's relatively quick compared to running a full sterilising machine cycle.

If you feel something isn't "right" after the birth (or indeed at any time really) TELL SOMEONE birth we know is risky what's less talked about are complications after. We both nearly died during that birth as it was, a few days after I felt "surreal" and had trouble with spatial awareness so was missing grabbing door handles etc, I put it down to the blood loss etc and didn't immediately say (and I should've known better) I had a rare condition where my blood was clotting a bit too well and having trouble getting to my brain. It was all sorted quickly once a nurse noticed something wasn't quite right but it could have been much more serious.

Don't be beholden to visitors, I well remember telling a dear friend just "nope!" When she came to my door unannounced just a few days after we got home, I was knackered and just got baby down and needed to get my head down desperately. She was a bit bewildered at the time (she wasn't yet a mum herself) but luckily is a very laid back type and just shrugged her shoulders. When she had her first she totally got it!

Your baby will piss you off sometimes. Totally normal. If anyone else insisted you carry them almost permanently, feed them almost constantly and screamed whenever you didn't instantly meet their demands even though you are on your knees knackered they'd piss you off too! Scream into a pillow or similar to relieve stress and don't feel guilty for it. You're human it will feel like too much sometimes.

Accept your partner/spouses help even if they don't do things exactly like you do - I found this SO hard but eventually accepted that how dds dad did things was "good enough" if not perfect - excepting actual neglect or abuse of course. He just wasn't as fastidious as me but newborn babies survive being dressed in weird non matching clothes, being held differently, having some weird bloke make scary faces at them in a vain attempt to distract them from crying, or singing the wrong words to nursery rhymes - or even as in my exes case singing the names of rugby teams to the tune of Mary had a little lamb cos he couldn't remember other words 😂😂 when dd was little they ended up with their own little in jokes and ways of interacting.

Similar to an earlier point if you think something is wrong with baby don't be fobbed off. Mum and I both experienced this with our firsts from GP's who assumed we were just "neurotic first time mums" - we may have been first time mums but both of us have a LOT of experience of babies/young children. Mums eldest of 6 and being from a catholic family tons of cousins too, I'm eldest of 3 plus tons of cousins and I've been looking after babies since I was 14. Both times we were right and if we'd let the Drs fob us off the consequences don't bear thinking about. I had complications from measles, dd was having an unusual presentation of serious allergic reaction. Mums know their babies they KNOW if something isn't right.

Basically though do what works for you, baby and partner. Nobody else is dealing with your particular baby, what worked for their baby won't necessarily yours.

Over many years of looking after babies, some like quiet, some like noise, some like cuddles, some are independent, some feed well others aren't so keen, some like lights and stimulus, some find it annoying even distressing...

It'll take you time to figure out your own babies likes and dislikes.

I was determined to be a relaxed, routine free easygoing mum, I got a child who craves routine especially with sleep and hates disruption - she's 18 and over 6' and still like this! Being late with a nap or meal created bloody hell!! (Still does 😂😂)

happymum12345 · 25/04/2019 06:49

The love you will have for your baby will be utterly overwhelming. You’ll be fine.

mamasiz · 25/04/2019 07:16

Flip flops for the hospital showers are a must. I didn’t have any first time round so ended up sticking two huge maternity sanitary pads to my feet!

Treasure every second with your newborn, even when you’re knackered and wondering what on earth you’ve done to yourself. I had a little weep the other day when telling a pregnant colleague how wonderful it is to hold your days old baby in your arms. He’ll never be days old again 😭😭😭😭😭

Sladurche · 25/04/2019 14:31

Listen politely to any and all unsolicited baby care advice; nod, smile and ignore most of it.

BertieBotts · 25/04/2019 19:25

TAKE VIDEOS of the weird sounds and facial expressions they make when newborn. They stop doing it all so quickly and you forget.

DuesToTheDirt · 25/04/2019 19:33

I wish I'd had some witty answers ready for the oh-so-funny people who look at your post-baby tummy and ask if you're expecting another one. Hmm

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