Things you wish you knew before you gave birth?

[User1838482]

Due in 10 weeks, first time mum and feel I've got virtually everything ready and waiting for the arrival.

Just for fun, and possibly for some useful info, is there anything you wish you knew before you give birth? Be it about pregnancy, labour, newborns, parenting, life in general..

Any pearls of wisdom to share?

Oh and lochia smells really weird. It’s like an earthy, almost meaty, smell. Really disgusting. I’m so glad that it’s over. Made me gag everytime I went to the loo, washed or changed my pad 🤮

Vaseline.

Use vaseline on the baby’s bum for the first couple of days because meconium is really sticky and hard to clean off. You don’t need it once the whole grain mustard poo starts.

Use vaseline on your nipples for the first few weeks as it’s much, much better for healing than all the expensive nipple creams. It’s harmless/inert to the baby, but your nipples heal much better if they are kept moist rather than letting them scab, (if they bleed) which just goes soggy and comes off next time you feed. Wonderful stuff I only found out about for DS3 from my new midwife.

If they offer you the choice of a C section or being induced, take the section, it will be over a lot quicker than a 3 day induction & EMCS. Take your own painkillers as the drug round is never when you are in pain. Take a pillow, earplugs & a sleep mask, even if you get a single room it is noisy & never totally dark.

Breast shields are fantastic when you are sore.

Dummies are a godsend. They can also help you establish if baby is actually hungry (because they spit them out and root again if so) or just comfort sucking, in which case they will sooth.

A routine can be for your benefit. Don't feel guilty if you need to get your baby's waking and sleeping habits into a predictable pattern for your own sanity.

Keep night time interaction low key and quiet. There is no need to change a baby at night unless they have pooed.

First post birth sex, when you are up to it, can make you feel pretty nervous. It can feel sore and, well, odd. Take it slowly. Or alternatively, the hormones may make you pretty keen to get back to it. I've experienced both.
So long as you are healed and comfortable it's up to you when you resume your sex life. Don't feel pressured, but equally don't feel guilty for wanting to get something of your old self back when the time is right.

The babies belly button. I had never thought about it but it's completely gross. And you have to keep it dry so it doesn't get infected. I'm kind of glad I'd never seen one before (and I don't know how as I had my baby at 39!) but I do wish I'd been prepared for the horror of it coming off!

Baby's belly button, not babies obviously - oops!

Oh and the having sex part after a baby.Make sure you have contraception
Breastfeeding IS NOT CONTRACEPTION
Cause pregnancies that clise together are surprisingly common.And dont believe anyone who says otherwise.

I naively thought I would feel like my pre baby self immediately and that while I knew my tummy would take a while to go down I thought I'd feel like the old me again. I didn't and that terrified me that something was wrong when actually it was just I was now a new version of me. Good luck. Such an exciting time.

Take more nighties than u think. I ran out. And I was stuck in hospital on Xmas day. Nowhere to get some

Please don't worry if you don't feel the fabled immediate rush of love for your child. It doesn't mean you don't love them or have failed at anything.

You will feel it, in fits and starts. When they latch for the first time maybe? Or when they look you in the eye...

It's something that is there without you being aware and then suddenly you'll have a whoosh of emotion and you'll be crying. Then it might fade and then something else will happen and it will hit you.

Oh yes yes to the maternity pad when you poo.
Drink lots and breathe!

Feels like baby is coming out your bum, not vagina.
If you breast feed, every time you feed for the first week or so you'll get contractions, and they hurt.
If you breast feed, you'll stink of sweat and milk. Everyone will say they can't smell it, but you will be able to.
Labour in water if you can, it's amazing.
If you need interventions, that is fine.
If you want the drugs, have the drugs.
You'll cry in the first few weeks, a lot.

Once home keep a basket with all baby's changing things in in a couple of rooms so everything is to hand.

And don't worry bathing baby gets easier after the first few times

Contractions just stop the moment baby arrives, I remember having my first, and instead of being misty eyed over this gorgeous bundle, all I could say was.....the pain has stopped!

I blame the gas.....oh the gas, it will make you feel drunk, and light headed, and say very silly things, but a few normal breathes and you will be back in the room!

Also, you will probably nod off between contractions, I did for like seconds at a time, but it felt like i had been asleep for a bit, it's your body regaining energy.

Best advice I can ever give, is try not to worry, use the time left before your baby arrives to relax, and think about all the fun you will have!

Also, don't panic if you forget to buy anything.....asda is open 24hrs!!

Good luck Lovely, and enjoy they oh so beautiful newborn snuggles xxx

When the baby comes out-not long after so does the afterbirth it’s not painful but does feel like your insides are going to fall out
Get to about day ten and you may cry and cry and cry-normal
Your milk kicks in at about day 3-i wish someone had told me
When you buy big knickers buy them in your size-I’m a size 14 my mother bought me granny pants in a size 22-they just fell down
Don’t stress the small stuff-my granddad used to say ‘they are tiny-but bloody hard to kill’
Tear up the birth plan
Do whatever you need to do to get through the day-if baby sleeps on you all day it’s nothing to stress about-and if anyone says ‘ohhhhh your making a rod for your own back there’ just punch them twice-once for yourself and again from me (I heard that every single day when dd was born-until she turned about 18 months)
Don’t stress the housework-nobody will die if you don’t wash up
Any guests can put the kettle on-don’t get up for them
Cracked nips are the worst-nip cream is your friend
So is sudocrem-for the rest of your life-limb hanging off?sudocrem
Toddlers cracked head open?sudocrem
Ditto baby wipes
Just enjoy your lovely baby-my dad once told me ‘don’t blink or she’ll be at school’ I laughed-I’m not laughing now-she’s 22
You can’t enjoy every single moment with baby-3am feeds when (s)he just wont stop screaming? Bubba has shit so hard it’s touching the back of their head? They’ve just chucked all over your last clean top? You can’t enjoy every single moment but you can when it’s all calm
Take so many pics-they change daily

I have 6 dc-it gets easier in a different way-I just wish someone had told me some of this crap
Best wishes and good luck xxx

This applies to me but may not to everyone....

Get your birthing partner to take as many photos as possible. During labour, soon after baby is born etc and make sure you're in them post birth. I have ONE photo of me and DD when she's about 3/4 days old. I love him dearly but will never forgive DH for not taking any of me and DD together after the birth and I wouldn't of cared how naff or tired I looked I would have treasured them forever.

Good luck with everything OP.

Oh another couple, take a picture every week and on their month 'birthday'.

I label the ones I take of my babies, and I have created email addresses for them both to send memorable moments to.

If they offer you the chance to upgrade to a private room in hospital, rip their hand off.

We paid £50 with DS and it has been, to this date, the best £50 I have spent in his lifetime... hospitals are grim at the best of times, maternity wings are even worse.

Pack painkillers and food for your husband so you don't have to listen to him complain about his headache or how hungry he is

You will cry a lot 3-4 days post partum.

You will bleed a lot.

Breastfeeding is bloody hard.

Your newborn baby will smell so good you'll want to sniff them constantly.

The feeling of love you have for your baby is like nothing you've ever experienced before.

You somehow get through all of the sleepless nights and it's all worth it when your toddler tells you how much they love you.

I was very glad that my colleague told me about just how much bleeding I could expect and for how long - I bled for weeks.

No one talks about your baby going to SCBU/NICU. It does happen, and it is shite. But don't be afraid to ask exactly what is going on and what you can do for your baby.

Take lots of big comfy knickers, and spare nighties. Hospitals are hot and you get really sweaty. You can never have enough baby grows. You will change them constantly and it's hard to keep up with the washing when you first get home. Don't let the hospital discharge you until you're ready. If you're struggling with feeding, keep asking for help. It takes practice for you and baby. Hospitals often have infant feeding advisers and you can call the BFN helpline too. Always accept offers of help from friends and family with housework, cooking etc. Don't be afraid to say no to visitors, the first few weeks are precious and pass quickly. Not everyone is entitled to hold or feed your baby. It's up to you. Find your local sling library. Baby's hate being put down and a sling was the only way I ever got anything done. You can never have enough cuddles and cuddling them all day will not spoil them or teach them bad habits. Trust your instincts and enjoy the special feeling of being a new mummy xx

That I might lose control of my Yoga breathing. Didn't even consider it! I had fairly light bleeding afterwards and no trouble going for a poo. Don't take it for granted that you will b e uncomfortable. I had no stitches, though, and I imagine that made a difference.

Sex afterwards is really painful (I don't know if it's the same for anyone else? I had stitches from ripping in 2 separate places). We waited 6 weeks and it took a lot for it to be comfortable and pain free.

• Hydrogel breast pads are miraculous for breastfeeding, get them and stock up! They're like blister plasters and totally ease the cracking and bleeding from poor patches or tiny mouths learning how to feed. They've saved my breastfeeding twice!

• the alpha parent website has the timeline of a breastfed baby so you can see typical clusterfeeding timings etc

• If breastfeeding isn't on your agenda don't feel guilty at all, do whatever works for you. Formula is a fantastic alternative

• Listen to advice (everyone has some!) and ignore whatever won't work for you.

• Look up the 4th trimester - it won't make it easier but it will help you to understand and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

• Good pain relief for afterwards even if it's just over the counter stuff, use it if you need it - I had a tricky first birth but the recovery was great thanks to decent pain relief (think hiking up hills 6 days post birth) second time was really straightforward, no pain relief after, recovery was miserable!

• dads can really struggle initially, it gets easy to compete for who is most tired/most put upon. Remember it's not a competition and that way madness lies, be kind to each other.

• sleep deprivation is horrific, sleep when you can. Ignore the housework/pick your battles

• be prepared to find a new definition of clean, especially if you have a refluxy/sicky baby "oh it's only a bit of spew, I'll put a muslin on it and go back to sleep".

• wipes will almost always come out half a packet at a time, extract them before you start a nappy change so you aren't wrestling with a bastard packets while your little darling catches you unaware with another wee/poo/sick

-it's ok not to feel immediate love. I felt more a "Christ on a bike what have I DONE?!" For at least the first 24 hours.

• practise with the car seat before hospital.

• there is no feeling quite like the first smile you get, or snuggly sleepy baby cuddles, I'm actually pretty envious you get to go through all of this! I'd love another one (so it can't be that bad!!!) (and another mention for hydrogel breast pads!)

Good luck for a healthy delivery for you and baby!

Giant pads are a must. The ones labelled ‘maternity pads’ from Boots and places like that are often not up to scratch at all.

Also I found each time that my DH was encouraged to stand at my feet during pushing to have a good ‘view’ of what was going on. If you don’t want this then speak to your birth partners now and have them prepared to decline when they are asked.

If breastfeeding doesn’t go to plan, don’t be ashamed to bottle feed. Formula isn’t poison!