Things you wish you knew before you gave birth?

[User1838482]

Due in 10 weeks, first time mum and feel I've got virtually everything ready and waiting for the arrival.

Just for fun, and possibly for some useful info, is there anything you wish you knew before you give birth? Be it about pregnancy, labour, newborns, parenting, life in general..

Any pearls of wisdom to share?

Best advice I could offer would be not to give the birth much thought. Your baby is coming out one way or another and you just can't plan it. It will be over in a flash ( even though my baby took a week of inductions, then an eventual section, it still seems like it was over in the blink of an eye - all largely pain free btw ).

Instead put your heart and soul into planning early parenthood. Get organised with nappies and muslins and creams and all the things. Get mentally prepared to have a noisy, helpless person move in. One that you don't know and really wish would go home sometimes
Get some meals in the freezer, learn about feeding and puking and meconium and focus on the baby. Not the birth. That is just a means to an end.

1. Don't make a birth plan- you feel like you've failed if it doesn't go according to plan

1. Breastfeeding hurts at first even if you're doing it right. Lansinoh is awesome.

1. Get the doc to check baby for tongue tie before you leave the hospital

1. If you feel tense your baby will cry constantly. Try to relax

there are fabulous drugs available and there are no medals given for doing it all 'naturally'.

Spray mist,seriously you will thank me.Lip balm,disposable knickers.And some snacks and drinks/

Barring illness every week is, on average, a bit better than the one before.

Sleep if you can in early labour. Trust me, you'll be wide awake for the end of it.

Get a long phone charger cable for hospital so you can charge and use it at the same time. Take roll on deodorant as some don't let you use aerosol. And flip flops for the revolting hospital showers.

Google cluster feeding and the 4th trimester.
Don't be surprised if the baby refuses to be put down or to sleep anywhere except on you for a few weeks.

You'll be bombarded with advice, a lot of it will be conflicting. 'Thankyou for your advice, I'll give it some thought' is a handy phrase, then follow your instincts. What worked for others might not work for your baby, they're all little individuals.

As a PP said, don't get too hung up on a birth plan.. mine was anything but to plan but I had no choice if I wanted a healthy baby and I'd make the same decisions again tomorrow if I had to.

Breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone but you will find a way that works for you whether that's formula, expressing or a combination of them both.

I was surprised at how quickly the post birth bleed stopped and how quickly my body felt normal again.

If you don’t feel a rush of love don’t panic -that’s totally normal
It may take a few days/weeks but one day he/she will smile or burp or something and you’ll fall in love

I wish someone told me about the giant blood clot that comes out a few days after birth, literally thought I was dying

With the best will in the world (and clearly FyEnwi was fortunately fine ) - if at any point post partum you pass anything bigger than a 50p piece, call your midwife or labour ward as a priority.

It’s not routine to pass anything large like that and can be a sign of retained tissue.

Btw FyEnwi - I’ve done two under two and absolutely completely 100% bricked it when DH went back to work, but it’s all good. It works just because it has to - you’ve got it! Fed, clean (enough) and safe - that’s where the bar is

That you also have to deliver the placenta!
I had heard about the afterbirth but didn’t really put 2 and 2 together
I had my first dc at 19, hadn’t really read much and didn’t do any classes but the only thing I wasn’t prepared for was that. And it’s gross

That you may well feel very scared and out of control as you go through transition. I hadn't realised how bad it would be, but knew how it felt the second time which helped.
Yy to BIG knickers!

@ReginaGeorgeous
"Don't be afraid to tell the Bounty lady to fuck off."
This really made me laugh. I second this and so wish I'd done so!

You will have post party pain. Maybe really lightly and maybe quite badly. Please, please ensure you have a good pain relief schedule. Babies birth day + 2 seemed to be where it kicked in the most for me. Ibuprofen every 4 hours, paracetamol every 4 hours (with 2 hour gaps) to have a "pain block". And it will end and it won't be that bad. Also - pushing isn't as excruciating as it looks! It gives you something to do.

I didn't bother with a birth plan but if you do have one, keep in mind baby hasn't read it.

Have a chat with your partner about managing visitors in the first few weeks. Be sure to suit just you and baby.

Breastfeeding is painful initially, even if baby has a good latch. Our nipples are not used to that amount of stimulation and need to toughen up.

I agree with PPs to research cluster feeding.

Don’t be afraid to let the midwives know how you’re feeling. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed and freaked out when OH went home to sleep and I was alone in my little cubicle with newborn DD. I was literally fighting back tears as I stood holding DD for 5hrs (she wouldn’t be put down and I couldn’t sit down as I was unbelievably sore and - I can only put this down to sleep deprivation or hormones etc - I was too scared to ask the midwives for some water to take my painkillers with) so I stood the entire time, thinking all the faceless new mums behind their cubicle curtains sounded like much more natural mothers than me. I wish I had been more relaxed and enjoyed those moments but I was a complete stresshead.

Yes to don't forget you have to deliver the placenta as well!

I've had 4 babies and every bloomin' time after baby has arrived i've forgotten about this and slumped down in relief and exhaustion thinking thank god that's IT, only to wonder why the midwives were still buzzing round my bits and getting dishes ready and saying things like 'just a little bit more and we're aaaaall done'.

I'm like - What??? Oh ..... wonderful.

Yes to the big black knickers and a couple of dark bath towels around to chuck on the sofa/bed behind you for times when you're pretty sure you're leaking out of the pad but have to sit down with the baby.

A nice new fluffy bath towel or two to fold in half and lay on to soak up breast milk that might leak past any bra or pad while you're asleep.

You WILL get some sleep ... :)

Google fourth trimester and take heed.
I held my baby upright for at least the first year ALL. THE. BLOODY. TIME.

That birth hormones make the baby's genital swell up. Sadly (or thankfully) your tiny DS won't always be so ahem "gifted"

That having a csection isn't the walk in the park I often read about on here. Getting into bed once home was one of the worst things I've ever had to do pain wise then knowing you will have to get out and back in again everytime baby needs you or you need the loo.

Bibs are better than muslin cloths.

You won't need to buy any clothes for a first baby just the essentials such as sleepsuits and vests.

Not to spend money on fancy outfits that baby will wear 3 times because their wardrobe is jam packed and they grow so fast.

Trust your instinct I think there is something in mother's instinct.

Stock up on colic relief. Baby nasal drops and snuffle babe vapour drops. Metanium nappy cream. You don't know you need them until you need them.

Breastfeeding hurts at first even when you’re doing it right, but it will get better. Don’t worry about feeding too much/often or getting into routines.
They don’t tell you what to do in hospital, you have to do it yourself unless of course you have limited mobility. This means changing nappies regularly and keeping baby warm and clean and feeding them lots.
You don’t have to bath them much at all, just keep their bum and creases clean.
If you want to cuddle baby all day long go for it. Don’t ever think you shouldn’t be.

That for the first couple of mornings after giving birth when I got out of bed my bladder would empty itself as I stood up! Luckily pelvic floor exercises remedied this after a few days

That my baby would refuse to breastfeed and that I should insist the midwives try alternative feeding methods (tube, syringe etc etc) not force me to give her a bottle

That I should have taken some mini ready made bottles of formula to hospital

That I should refuse visitors until breastfeeding was established ...

Look up safe co-sleeping. Even if you don't plan to co-sleep. Just so you don't end up Googling it for the first time at 2am when you've not slept for five days and your new tiny human refuses to let you put them down...

bleeding after isn't like a period!
although saying that after 3 i know it varies.
with my eldest it was so Harry and lasted 6 weeks.
my middle child it was heavy for a few days then like a period.
then with my youngest I had zero bleeding !!! until 3 weeks after then it was like bloodbath for 2 hours.

I made sure (or rather my mum and or dog) made sure that I along with our baby got out for a walk pretty much everyday since we got home from hospital. My DD was a November baby so the weather wasn't always great but the odd day that I didn't get out I felt awful. Highly recommend getting out for a walk even if just for 10mins everyday - it did my mental health the world of good.

Also don't underestimate the power of Netflix and cake 😊. (Possibly why I needed to go for a walk every day 😳).