Sisters children might be taken into care

[101Familyiseverything]

Not really sure what advice I'm after, If any at all. I just have no idea who to talk to without making my friends sick of my emotions (I'm already sick of my emotions).

My sister will be going to court to find out if her children will be taken into care. This is not really down to her bad choices more her learning ability and how her brain operates differently. It's easy to judge from the outside believe me I was one of them.
Anyway I'm not going to bore you with how she got to this situation, I am however going to bore you with the present situation. It's going to be vague.

After a long process to the final details being rushed by the social worker; my sister will be going to court to fight to keep her children. It's looking unlikely she will get to keep any of them. This is where it gets messy, she has quite a few children so therefore they will be separated. I already have children and can only really find room and the finance to support one child (without my own children having to give up their classes/clubs and being able to ensure the child we take on can be supported with the same treatment. To make them feel welcome into their new home and that the children don't end up resenting one another). My Husband and I had discussed this in great depth only for him to change his mind right at the last minute. There are no words for how I am feeling at the moment. I know we need to be together on this or not at all, but I just can't help but to feel betrayed, let down, and alone. I would without a doubt take in his niece or nephew if he asked me too. I know my way of thinking might be unreasonable but this is my family (my Husbands family by marriage) how can he turn his back on that. It's not ideal but it's happening.

The social worker is pestering me to take more than one child. This is breaking my heart. I feel like a complete monster for not being able to do so and now I might not be able to even take one. If anything happened to my Husband and I, I would want someone from the family to take them in. How on earth could I expect this if we are not prepared to do the same?
My sister is currently finding it difficult to keep the children within the family as it is, let alone adding this to it all.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, did it get resolved for the better?

Thanks for taking the time to read and sorry for the blabber.

I don't give a fuck, if I was adopted I'd make my adopters life Hell.
I'd imagine you do that to everyone.

When my children were at school one of the school mums fostered a relatives child with a view to adopting her.

The girl had been abused and was promiscuous from a young age, aggressive at times and desperate for attention.

The school mum up until then had a normal happy family with her husband and two children.

To cut a long story short the taking in of a child with problems causes them to split up and created behavioural problems with her other two children and the girl that came to live with them went completely off the rails becoming a repeat runaway etc.

The school mum was a very nice lady but her and her husband were not equipped to cope with a damaged child and didn’t receive much help from anyone.

Sometimes children from dire circumstance need to be with people who are perhaps specially trained.

Therefore I can understand the ops reluctance in taking in a child that has suffered.

I also understand the heartache the op feels in wanting to help give a home to one of the children.

How on earth would you choose which one though?

Ops husband that should have said

An update - My sister will be keeping her children.
The judge has said enough help wasn't offered in the first instance. The children old enough to know what is happening are so happy. They were so scared as to what was going on. Seperating the children would have been horrendous. And yes picking just one wasn't going to easy (I'm so happy that's no longer my reality, at this moment in time)
Thank you again to everyone for your support and posts. Especially those of kind words. I know this isn't over by a long shot, but at least we can all work together with the professionals to ensue my sister and most importantly those kids get the help they need. xx

That's brilliant 101 - it's still a big emotional and practical deal but helping your sister's children while they live with her will be far healthier for your own children than moving some of them in with you, especially at the cost of your marriage!

Good luck!

I bet that is a load of everyone's mind! What an awful predicament that was. I just wonder though - when SS where hassling you, would you have got any further help from them once you had agreed to look after a child/children or would it have been "well, they are yours now, get on with it!". I guess we will never know.

You sound like a kind lady and I know you will give support to your sister.

That's great. Is it possible for the family to put together a family plan to support your DSis alongside SS support? Give respite to the children and assist her with things she finds hard?

That’s great, I’m so happy for you all. Is more support going to be provided?

That's good news! Would your sister consider being sterilised? You mention that her six children range from 1 to 9 years old, so adding more to what is already a chaotic household would be even tougher on everyone.

Best Wishes for your family going forward. I hope everything works out well.

Great news as long as the family get the support they need. The judgement may mean that your sister gets more support for a while, ultimately she still may not be able to parent the children adequately, and this issue may arise again. The PP’s were tight who pointed out that were family members to take any of the children it is deemed to be kinship care rather than foster care, payments to support the children are not guaranteed and may be means tested. There will be SS involvement in your family life, you will have to manage contact for them with their mum and their siblings, further down the line once the SW’s have finished the initial work and you will have to stop your own sister seeing her children outwith contact time. You may have to transport them to schools far from where you live and manage all sorts of other logistical problems. Then you may have them for a while, get to love them as part of your family, your sister may at some point in the future be deemed to be able to look after them, then they will go back and you will be left bereft.
For all the folk saying you should just take them, kinship care is hard, and you and your DH would need to be in agreement. Can you imagine if the worst happened and your DH agreed just to please you, you took in your DN’s DN’s, you and your DH split up because of the pressure, you are left with your own children and your DN’s DN’s what would you do?

It is good news I hope she can cope better going forward x