Do you have problems? Would you like a solution?

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Please come into my advice clinic. All my agony aunts are both untrained and insane. We WILL help you.

Project sell our fat? Interesting, I'm willing to donate a lot - for the cause. They could make soap as with whale blubber. I may have gone wild at some stage and outlawed soap, who knows? I feel that my blubber could be made into luxury dildoes. Piss flavoured and especially useful for pegging. I know Dangly has a great deal of pegging to get through as part of her routine on The Biggest Fanny On Earth (certified) Tour.

I've hit upon a new business idea! Sex work, bear with me.

There are various paraphilias as Dangly knows. There are men who enjoy the following:

Dusting in high heels whilst being insulted
Being pissed on
Being squashed by a fat woman

What I'm looking for ideally in a customer is someone who wants all three. First I'll sit on him as i watch TV and eat snax (ooh a feeder, he can bring the snax!).

Then I'll piss on him whilst MNing on my phone. Then I'll call him a cunt a lot while he cleans my house.

It's a job description that got me all over it! A vocation.

Greetings Thisters. What fabulous weather. Like Getting’s homeland, but without all the poisonous creatures.

Project has triggered another idea. Maybe we can design gravestones for unpopular relatives. A bit like the greetings cards range, bland but deeply sinister slogans.

My only reticence about the sex work is that it would require appointments and I hate appointments.

The sunshine is making me so happy. I’m not a miserable git, I’ve discovered, I just live in the wrong country.

I’d be on board with both ideas. Where does one find tidy pervs?

I had a search online for insulting gravestones but the internet is surprisingly tame. What I really wanted was ‘here lies John, he was a bit of a knob, actually.’

Not insulting, but this is one of my favourites. Patrick Caulfield in Highgate Cemetery.

Or Spike Milligan, "I told you I was ill".

Oh great Thigh I dont want to invite your magnificent wrath upon me but the form of sex work you describe, won't that involve 'guests' visiting?

I think if they are delivering snax or money they don’t count as visitors.

Project what if the wether was nice and it was a work day? I think you are misdiagnosing your misery.

Talking about funeral arrangements do you remember the poetic tributes in the obituaries of local newspapers? There was a certain sameness about them, I guess there was a Book in the classified ads office. I actually think that custom should be revived, and doing poems for unpopular relatives would be a winner ;-)

Talking about funeral arrangements? Who have we killed now?

M3 nobody specific, as far as i can recall. We're honing our business plan re passive aggressive gravestones.

MUM - you were almost like a mother to me.

SISTER - much missed by .... Courtesy of Cats Protection League

HUSBAND - I'll remember you

FRIEND - we did know each other. It was a long time.

MUM - you were my Father's wife.
Husband - taken too soon, before i could exact my revenge

HUSBAND - it was a really, really long life together. Years and years and years.

Sister - You were always there

Husband - a lifetime together

Grandfather - you were so old.

STBX - sorry I couldn't wait.

It's Dangly btw, temp NC for the Line Of Duty NC thread.

Husband - well, your dead.

Misspelt epitaphs!!!

Bye

Emoji epitaphs - i think that would bother me most

MUM - now your getting to rest in piece

VALERIE - teetotal at last

ADOPTED BROTHER - MY parents brought you home