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Original poster

Son wants to come home

279 replies

dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 14:52

Went homeless with his gf and baby son.She is going home to her mothers,he wants to come back here.But the problem is i just dont have the room for him.

My 3 younger sons share,my eldest has his own room,and me and dp have a room.
He wants our room,but the only way he can come back here is of he goes in with the 3 younger boys.And now hes trying to guilttrip me.Im so torn.

OP posts:
Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:57

Isadora - rents in Dublin are higher than London. A minimum wage job wouldn't allow you to rent a cardboard box.

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 15:57

@Eroy if you read through you would see the eldest works.The prodigal son doesnt.

OP posts:
Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:58

Is he qualified at anything?

TheFairyCaravan · 14/04/2019 15:58

How has the back bedroom, that used to have 3 children in, all of a sudden only become big enough for one person?

Deadringer · 14/04/2019 15:59

Op I live in Dublin too and yes there is a housing crisis. I don't believe you have said if he is working or not, or how he became homeless? I have adult DC living at home and they are welcome to live here their entire lives if they wish, though of course I would prefer them to make their own way in life. I am very soft but I don't think I would have him back in the circumstances. If i did it would be under my terms, he sleeps on the couch, gets a job if he doesn't have one and gets his own place asap. I wouldn't have any of his attitude either, you are doing him a favour.

WhoWants2Know · 14/04/2019 15:59

He sounds like he's best staying where he is, unless he fancies a tent and paying you for the use of washing machine/shower.

Illberidingshotgun · 14/04/2019 15:59

Fair enough to let him home, he needs somewhere to live, but tell him he will be on the sofa. How long has he been out of work for? What's his line of work?

I think if the other older son is paying reasonable rent, then he should keep his room.

nonetcurtains · 14/04/2019 15:59

A decent tent in the back garden would solve the issue, as summer's coming. Or a small caravan on the drive maybe? He can use the kitchen and bathroom in the house so long as he fits in with everyone else's schedules..

Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:59

@TheFairyCaravan, that's what I can't figure out either!

Wallywobbles · 14/04/2019 16:01

Rents are totally outrageous in Dublin. But does he / they have to stay local?

Eroy · 14/04/2019 16:01

Well the older one who works can't even afford to rent, so it's unlikely the younger one with no job would afford to rent.

ssd · 14/04/2019 16:02

Why have you got so many kids if you don't have room for them

anangalou · 14/04/2019 16:03

Why isn't he working?

Eroy · 14/04/2019 16:03

How much dole does he get - I know there's an age limit where they get less dole until a certain age. What threshold is he on for rent allowance to rent a room either him alone or him with gf/child? I've a friend who owns property in Dublin (Phibsborough end), who might have something she could rent to him (though her properties tend to be hovels!).

IceRebel · 14/04/2019 16:04

Forgive me if I've missed it, but at what age did your 23 year old move out?

letsgohooray · 14/04/2019 16:05

StillMe1 ...and they cost thousands which based on the OPs post, it is unlikely they have

OhTheRoses · 14/04/2019 16:05

Since when did it take a strong personality to get a girlfriend pg without being able to provide for her.

When my great, great, great grandparents couldn't find work in Ireland they got on the boat to England and worked all the hours god sent to make a home and then they had four dc. If they could manage it in 1860 I'm sure your ds can in 2019. It's called hard graft. You have to put it in to take it out.

Sense I find comes through the mouth, waste through the rear.

Livelovebehappy · 14/04/2019 16:08

I would let him back home. He’s your son so obviously family help each other in times of need. But it has to be on your terms. A friend’s son who did similar stayed in a little caravan on their driveway. Not ideal I know, but a temporary solution at least. Might be able to pick a cheap one up on gumtree.

Palominoo · 14/04/2019 16:11

OhTheRoses

I agree with you.

I’ve got adult children and I help them but the help is geared at assisting them on my terms.

I will help them in their own places providing they are working or in the case of my son, studying.

They both have partners and understand the implications of bringing a child into the world that they cannot provide for.

The ops two eldest need to give theirs parents and siblings breathing space.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 14/04/2019 16:11

Thats my dilemma,he wont do that.

You don't have a dilemma! Your feckless, unemployed, lazy arse of a son who is now some way past 18 and a father does not to get to call the shots in your home! FFS. You had more kids than you could house, that's by the by, why the fuck would you compound the problem by allowing your scrounger son who's an entitled and ungrateful sod back into it? He is in a housing hub, he can stay there and live by their rules. You need to set an example to your younger sons that there's no free ride in life.

woolduvet · 14/04/2019 16:13

If he's not contributing then he's definitely not entitled to a room. Your eldest deserves his own room as he's paying rent.
He can have the sofa for a few weeks but he can do jobs to contribute.
He does sound entitled.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 14/04/2019 16:13

Live, he's already made it clear he's not interested in her terms, he wants her room.

LifeImplosionImminent · 14/04/2019 16:16

I don't suppose you could you covert the loft? Feel for you, that's a lot of people in one small space!

Boysey45 · 14/04/2019 16:19

No. I'd tak ehim to the homeless section of the council and get them to do a homeless assessment on him.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/04/2019 16:19

"He wants our room"
To fall back on my mother's riposte, " 'I want' doesn't mean 'I get'."

"He just wants his own way,he was always like that."
Time he learned the world doesn't bow to him, then.

"He has been living in a homeless hub.So basically 1 room there as well."
So he's not actually on the streets?

I can't help but think that moving back in with you, even if he accepted being on the sofa or in with the younger boys (which doesn't sound likely) just disincentivises him from getting a job and his own place.

He's overbearing. I'll bet your home life has been a lot nicer since he and his girlfriend moved out. I think it would be best if you just told him a plain 'No'. Not just to your room (well that gives a measure of just how overbearing he is!) but to moving back at all. I know that won't be easy, but there's everyone else in the household to consider too.

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