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Original poster

Son wants to come home

279 replies

dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 14:52

Went homeless with his gf and baby son.She is going home to her mothers,he wants to come back here.But the problem is i just dont have the room for him.

My 3 younger sons share,my eldest has his own room,and me and dp have a room.
He wants our room,but the only way he can come back here is of he goes in with the 3 younger boys.And now hes trying to guilttrip me.Im so torn.

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 14/04/2019 15:40

I would get two eldest to share. However 24 & 23 year old should both move out. You need space for youngest kids I would say. I don't think you should let them have your room.

Sirzy · 14/04/2019 15:40

So you know there is a major problem with homelessness locally and still your willing to let your son become another statistic.

You posted before of the previous set ups where everyone had a bedroom. Why can’t you go back to that?

FamilyOfAliens · 14/04/2019 15:40

Can he present as homeless to the council? At his age he'd be a priority still I think

As I posted upthread, single men with no disabilities or dependents living with them are the lowest priority for housing in most local authorities.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 14/04/2019 15:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:40

Where are you living?

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 15:41

Dublin

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2019 15:42

At the homeless hub there would have been an expectation that he worked on goals including work and housing. Is he coming home so he can arse about?

I have worked in homelessness for almost three decades, there is a housing crisis. Housing is in short supply. Work can be found if he is determined to provide for his family.

Ellenborough · 14/04/2019 15:42

Exactly Eroy

Everyone is implying that the son has been selfish and irresponsible to have a baby with someone when he can't afford to house his family, but the OP continued to have at least 2 more kids than she had space for, so he's been pushed out to make way for them really. Even if he wasn't a pain in the arse it doesn't sound like there is much space for him.

onionchucker · 14/04/2019 15:42

There is no way you should even contemplate giving up your room.
He has chosen his path in live and has to live with the consequences - ie. gets gf pregnant, they live with you for a bit, then they move out into a homeless hub with the baby and he chooses not to work (or maybe isn't able to for a reason you have yet to explain).
So no, he can't just waltz back in and have your room or inconvenience the eldest by moving into his room.
I wouldn't want to see him living on the streets so I would offer him the use of the sofa until he is able to sort something out or he could move in with his gf (have they split up and is this the problem) or he could move back to the homeless hub on his own.

Whatever happens, he needs to sort himself out. What help is available in your area for people in his position?

I agree with others though - sounds like the whole thing was some kind of ploy to get a council house.

NabooThatsWho · 14/04/2019 15:42

Is he looking for a job OP?
He has his own family to provide for now. He can’t just swan home and be ‘overbearing’ and dictate who sleeps where. He is an adult and needs to start acting like one.

Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:43

Are you in private rented or council accommodation? Do you need to be in Dublin for work or could you move out of Dublin?

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 15:44

@Eroy they where 15 when i had my son.Its not beyond that i thought they would be gone by now.

OP posts:
Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 15:45

Are you in private rented or council accommodation? Do you need to be in Dublin for work or could you move out of Dublin?

No i own my own house,

OP posts:
StillMe1 · 14/04/2019 15:48

What about working on the attic to make a room.
It looks as if you will needs as many rooms as possible for fairly long time yet

OhTheRoses · 14/04/2019 15:48

OP with all due respect children are like puppies, not just for Christmas. It is the respinsibility of every parent to bring up their children to live productive, moral and caring lives. That starts by giving them sustainable examples to follow.

I have a 24 year old son. He is living at home at present. When he was 9 we didn't assume he wouldn't be; we assumed there would always be a home for him in the family home. We also brought him up to work hard at school and university and set the foundations for a good career. He grew up knowing that babies come when you can provide for them and meanwhile you make sure they don't come.

HerRoyalNotness · 14/04/2019 15:49

Wow, he’s an entitled sod!! You’ve made the offer, he takes the couch or bunks in with the younger 3. Tough shit if he doesn’t like it, he accepts it or sorts himself out

Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:51

The Dublin situation is pretty gruesome. There was a case about 6 months ago of a single mother with 5 children I think, and they were sleeping in the garda station one night. After that photo went public, the council found them a private rented flat, but the landlord then wanted to sell within a month (or something similar) so she and her flock were all without accommodation again! Think she finally got somewhere.

www.independent.ie/breaking-news/irish-news/mother-and-children-forced-to-sleep-at-garda-station-37201279.html

He won't be housed anywhere other than Dublin and there is practically no council property in Dublin. The threshold when on benefits is too low for him and his gf/child to rent either.

It works differently to the UK
So, say a couple with 1 child will have to find a property to rent for lets say for arguments sake £1000/month. But the cheapest rent in Dublin would be at 1200/month. So it will be impossible for them to find anywhere.
If the son/gf/child were to move out of Dublin, they'd need to have an address first before seeking benefits, and they won't get accommodation without being on benefits.
It's a bit of a mess in Ireland.

cliquewhyohwhy · 14/04/2019 15:53

You simply tell him he can sleep on the sofa and that's it. He needs to get a job so he can rent his own place. You doing the right thing not pandering to his needs, he sounds like a man child who seriously needs to grow up.

Why can't he go with his gf and child? Are they in their own room?

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 15:54

@OhTheRoses with all due respect you are talking through your arse.
I brought my kids up well,its just unfortunately for him he has a strong personality.He says it like it is.No thats not down to me,thats just the way he is.

OP posts:
Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:54

OP - can he kip on the sofa, air mattress in kitchen/sitting room and get a job and save up and maybe move out of Dublin with him and family?

prettybird · 14/04/2019 15:55

So what happens if you just say No Confused?

Isadora2007 · 14/04/2019 15:55

I’ve also got adult children and I have younger ones too. Whilst I’ve encouraged and supported the older ones to be independent and neither has been at home full time since age 18- they would always have a home here. If I’d been in a 2 bed one box room house I’d have not chosen to keep having more children.
In saying that, I also would t be taking rent off my child without saving it for them. I’d perhaps take something to cover food and a small% if bills but I’d have been saving the rest so my adulthood got used to paying rent but also had a deposit built up. So isn’t there somewhere the 24 year old could rent locally with his brother if his brother gets a job sorted? Or can the lad get some work with accommodation included? Like hotel work?

Eroy · 14/04/2019 15:56

You haven't answered whether either of the elder two work? Have they any qualifications?

StillMe1 · 14/04/2019 15:56

Do you have a garden? There is a company who do "garden rooms". These are insulated to a high degree and really quite nice.

Drum2018 · 14/04/2019 15:57

Don't attempt to give up your bedroom. Your kids don't get to call the shots in your house. 24 and 23 year old should be off making their own lives. 23 year old needs to get a job (sorry can't recall if you said he has one or not) and the 2 older ones can look for a house share and give the rest of you space. Time to cut the apron strings with these 2, not accept that they will be hanging off you for years to come.

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