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Original poster

Son wants to come home

279 replies

dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 14:52

Went homeless with his gf and baby son.She is going home to her mothers,he wants to come back here.But the problem is i just dont have the room for him.

My 3 younger sons share,my eldest has his own room,and me and dp have a room.
He wants our room,but the only way he can come back here is of he goes in with the 3 younger boys.And now hes trying to guilttrip me.Im so torn.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 14/04/2019 16:23

naturatint I saw that, but it’s a none option. OP says he is welcome back on her terms. He takes it or leaves it. My guess is he will take it because he has no other options. He is probably sticking to his demands because he clearly thinks he will get what he wants if he repeats it enough. OP needs to lay it on the table and tell him it’s absolutely none negotiable. He’ll get the message.

JaneEyre07 · 14/04/2019 16:24

Is there a reason why he can't live with his GF at her parents?

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 14/04/2019 16:26

OP..what do YOU want? If you have him back what are you hoping the outcome will be? What about his partner and your grandchild..do they fit into his future plans? Would him being home be short term or long term? I would have him home and demand he signs on at a work agency and picks up any jobs going at any rate...he has to provide not only for himself but rent to you and his girlfriend and baby....he needs to get his arse in gear and quickly...he doesnt have the luxury of time here...so if that sounds remotely like his plans to move on with his future then I cn see short term support may well help...if he is just running back home to mums with no plans then no....

Eroy · 14/04/2019 16:27

Is he still in a relationship with his gf?

cuppycakey · 14/04/2019 16:28

I am really confused by this thread.

OP - why is your DS homeless? Why can't he stay where he is living now?

Is there a reason his GF parents won't allow him to move there with his child and partner?

Eroy · 14/04/2019 16:29

It's like getting blood from a stone!

thebabessavedme · 14/04/2019 16:32

is he having a fucking laugh? I have always and will always state that my dd, her dh and whatever dcs they have will never lack a roof while I have one - however, they always have a plan, work fucking hard and try their very best - I will not put up with feckless, useless entiitled behaviour, Op. you have allowed this situation and now you are reaping what you have sown - tell your son he needs to get up off his arse, get work and look after the child he so easily had! the mother also needs to look to herself, they gave up the right to behave like selfish teenagers when they decided to carry on with this pregnancy. get a fucking grip.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/04/2019 16:36

So basically your questions is - Should I continue to be bullied by my entitled, overbearing oldest son who, even now he is a father himself, still thinks the world owes him exactly what he wants, when he wants?

The answer is no!

NaomifromMilkshake · 14/04/2019 16:45

The CelticTiger is roaring, if he can't get a job or indeed create one he is never going to get one. So for the love of Jaysis, do not let him back or he will be there forever.

Susanna30 · 14/04/2019 16:48

Doesn't sound like you are able to offer prodigal son a room even if you wanted to. Let him know you're there for him emotionally, and will help him look for work but you aren't able to give him a permanent room at yours. That's just the way it is.

3 kids sharing a room isn't ideal either... would start to encourage eldest to find his own place to rent once he turns 25. That's not unreasonable. If you haven't got the space, you haven't got the space, that's it.

Cherrysoup · 14/04/2019 16:49

I'd tell him he needs a job before he moves back in. Why isn't he working?

LilQueenie · 14/04/2019 16:53

as has been said before WHY CAN'T HE WORK.

how did he and gf help out around the house when they lived with you? What was the reason for going homeless?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 14/04/2019 16:57

Is there a reason his GF parents won't allow him to move there with his child and partner?

Why the hell should they? Both the OP's son and his GF are adults, and should get their own place. In the meantime, the OP can prevent him being homeless by letting him sleep on the sofa, abiding by her rules, until he gets a job, which he needs to do.

The GF will probably be given something in the end - if you are really committed to being housed, you eventually will be.

krustykittens · 14/04/2019 17:01

OP, as others have said, let him back but on your terms. He sleeps on the sofa and he does chores until he gets a job. I do feel for him, Dublin is hellish for accomodation, but it is your home and you are entitled to your room! Don't feel torn - you can't help it if he chooses to be pig headed and unreasonable, which is he is at the moment.

LuckyLou7 · 14/04/2019 17:04

Just say no. You have no room. He needs to sort out his life himself, he's not a child anymore.

Gitfeatures · 14/04/2019 17:07

OP can you please clarify why prodigal son doesn't work?

Also, is staying where he is an option - ignoring the fact that he'd rather a cushy set up at yours - is there a limit on how long he can stay there?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 14/04/2019 17:09

This sounds really difficult for you OP. I wouldn’t leave my DS homeless but I wouldn’t give up my bed. His only alternative seems to be a roll down mattress on the living room floor.

Like other posters though, why is he not working? Why is having children at such a young age when he cant support or house them?

His fecklessness isn’t your problem, nor should he make it so.

gubbsywubbsy · 14/04/2019 17:09

Why doesn't he work ? I would give him an air bed in the lounge ( although that could also be annoying ) someone sleeping on the sofa will make it stinky! ...
Really though he does need to get a job doesn't he !!

churchthecat · 14/04/2019 17:09

Why on earth doesn't he work?

Original poster
dustarr73 · 14/04/2019 17:12

@It's like getting blood from a stone!
No its not,im answering questions,theres only so much detail i could put in my op.Unless you want to read War and Peace.

Regards the back bedroom ,well thats obvious the 3 youngest where much smaller and now they are not.
Hes still with the gf.

And i have no idea why hes not working.
Her mother doesnt have space either
And about my 5 kids,i can barely give them back so dont keep mentioning that.

OP posts:
SileneOliveira · 14/04/2019 17:14

Thats my dilemma,he wont do that.

There is no dilemma. It's a take it or leave it situation.

And he needs to grow up, get a job and start supporting his family. (The cynic in me says this is great from the POV of the girlfriend, who will be lodging a new benefits claim as a single parent as quickly as she possibly can).

IceRebel · 14/04/2019 17:16

Even if he was working he still wouldn't have the same opportunity to rent a room from you, like the eldest does. Which seems unfair as I assume the eldest benefits from very low rent compared to the local market?

I'm not saying he is coming across as a great son but I do wonder why he moved out in the first place, and where he moved to.

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/04/2019 17:17

Thats in my original post.thats the only way it will work.Thats my dilemma,he wont do that.

Well he isn’t in a position to be calling the shots is he? Tell him it’s that or nothing.

Shortandsweet96 · 14/04/2019 17:19

"I dont know why he doesnt work"

So there no medical or physical reason he cant work.. hes a lazy fuck wit. Your son or not, get rid!

If it's a case of 'I'm not working in Macdonald's' and turning his nose up at jobs when HE IS HOMELESS, then he can get to fuck.

God I hate scroungers.

brizzlemint · 14/04/2019 17:19

Don't let him sleep on the sofa, it'll totally disrupt everything for everybody, surely he can share with your eldest for a while? I wouldn't see any child of mine homeless.