I would like to help you, don't be afraid

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I'm unfettered by either knowledge or training. Please step inside my friendly advice clinic staffed with a team of kindly agony aunts.

How to get lion to poo a lot? feed it a high-fibre diet, I suppose.

Did someone mention childminding? hmmm, now when the parents drop their kids off to be minded, is the assumption that they want them back?

Exactly Project how would they know if you kept £4m back?The problem is in the money laundering. Apparently bunging it in the Beko isn't enough. I need a large house with a very high fence, armed guards, a private heated swimming pool with a fireman's pole going down from my bedroom in the hot tub. How would I explain all that knowing how utterly lazy I am?

Divorce poetry.

Your husband ran off with Linda from sales
And you rent the sky with your wails
Keep up your chin, you got the cat n TV
And Linda from sales has VD

I think you mean "want them back unharmed".

I believe the correct front for money laundering is nail bars. Do we have the energy to open a chain of nail bars?

Or possibly face n vagina electrocution bars?

Do children still have placentas? I’m a little fuzzy on the details but I believe there’s money to be made there

I'm summoning you all to my wedding
We've never been friends, who are you kidding
Make sure you wear lots of peach
Cos I'm a real fruit salad themed bitch
I don't love my husband, I think he's a twat
I'm just wanting the presents, all of it cash

Project what's a vagina? I think you mean a Volvo.

Don't marry in haste
If he's not to your taste
If he's hard of thinking
And tends to go drinking
Avoid the cock lodgers
The DIY bodgers
The man child
The bully
The racist misogynist
Seek out a bloke
Who'll laugh at your jokes
Who's there for the good stuff
But also the rough stuff
A bit of car maintenance
Also comes in
But not a deal breaker
If you know what I mean

I’m slightly concerned that lido works in a PowerPoint factory. I work in a PowerPoint factory. If it’s the same place, that means that either lido is my boss, or I am her boss.

If the latter, lido, it’s all meaningless anyway. Please feel free to take the afternoon off.

If the former, ignore all of the above and I have definitely never jizzed in your sandwiches.

We’ve got a good collection of poems now. Why has no one offered us any cash yet?

Wow, just seen a massive crow chasing a squirrel, squirrel turned and chased it right back. Perhaps squirrels would make good childminders after all?

PowerPoint? Is that a sort of abacus? I'm a bit out of date.

Started a few for ex son in laws, but my inner rage consumed me. Maybe someone else can do those?

Poems, not PowerPoints

I could probably mock up a PowerPoint on step by step murder and body disposal pooter, would that help?

Thank you kindly, project, Karma has sorted it out for me :-)

Gosh, the face'n'fanny bars would be amazing! If you turn the dial up to 11, it should firm up the face at the same time. Say goodbye to the PowerPoint factory, project , this is your big chance!

Project’s face n fanny bars. Helping the world with its baggy fanny and money laundering needs since 2019

You need some sponsors

Motto: "We only piss our slankets if we want to, and when we want to!"

Voluntary incontinency.

It is the best kind!

Project fear not, I’m freelance, I find it the best way to avoid becoming a ‘manager’ and also having a ‘manager’. I still have to churn out slides but I’ll never have to set or achieve a performance objective again.

I’m considering a cautionary tale thoem in the style of Hillaire Belloc for my anniversary art this weekend. If I have time.

PS Project I still do the lottery and actually logged on and did extra lottery this morning before your comment. If I never had to open PowerPoint again my live would be complete. Except to draw floor plans as part of my ongoing fantasy that I will eventually decorate my flat.