I would like to help you, don't be afraid

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I'm unfettered by either knowledge or training. Please step inside my friendly advice clinic staffed with a team of kindly agony aunts.

Thislido make sure you have had your morning gin before the conference call. Are you at least able to do it from your bed so you can have a micro nap when they're speaking? So dull when it's not your turn.

I suppose to the uninitiated it could appear alarming to have cunt bellowed at you whilst being beckoned by a group of joyous, violent, incontinent poets. Is this how it all started for Eminem?

I prefer it when it's not my turn. must listen and not drift back to Highland....

THIGHLAND

But it's a good filter so we only attract actual cunts!

We need to attract like with like!

this can you not do a standard recording of yourself saying stuff you might say on the conference all and then just play it rather than actually participate?

DT what would this standard recording be?

Mmm, mmm of course Mr Tamagotchi, you are splendid

Oh my, that's far too large for my freakishly small letterbox. It's the biggest in the world Mr Tamagotchi

Sorry, what was that? I was just counting your teeth to avoid listening to you

Well yes thigh something just like that would do!

this should be recording everything she is saying now and then she can use it next time!

Therefore only ever working once!

You’d have to be careful you don’t end up agreeing to more work though.

Something like ‘yes, I completely agree agree Mr Tamagotchi. Or if you prefer, no. I must go, these PowerPoints won’t write themselves.’

Thighland is in my every waking thought. I even woke up, practicing my rhyming.
I am finding real life even more of an inconvenience now. I cannot think of a way to replicate myself to do my tasks, they seem to need my physical presence. I can't send a scarecrow as i am required to move and contribute.^^
Can we fashion a replacement me out of the organs buckets and run some electricity through it to animate it? That might work?

Ok what about 'No, Mr Tamagotchi, I'm not going to do that, find another monkey to perform your 'work' shizz!' every now and again just to be super safe?

Well in my book that was a successful conference call. I drank three mugs of tea and had a shit.

I’ve had a week off work. I laid such careful plans never to go back and still failed to win the lottery YET AGAIN.

Mr Tamagotchi and the powerpoint factory can fuck off. Let’s just record that.

I do hope it was a video call lido

Project recently I skim read our first thread in Classics. Guess who was first to the party? You were, and your first words were "this thread is making me so happy".

I also noted that I used to be more horrible, I hope I haven't mellowed and become normal.

But did you have a wank Thislido? That truly would be a successful conference call.

Project I know, it's terrible, I still haven't found a shop to accept my crayoned winning lottery ticket.

Really thigh?

I think that’s good. Or I am the loser with the most time on her hands. You could look at it both ways.

We need to do a heist. Who has money for us to steal?

Well we were hoping it was you Project.

But you're right, all this murder and organ harvesting has brought in zero cash. Likewise our other business ventures.

Menacing greeting cards
Lawn flattening
Cock laminating

Nada, did we have other business ideas?

I've been riding round on my lion hoping to come across an enormous bag of drug money. I'm following anyone who looks shady or flash, the lion and i are being discreet.

I'm happy to do wet work for cash, will just throw away the Tena Lady.

Or is that Tenner Lady?