If your parents worked full time when you were a child, how did you feel about it?

[grumpyy]

As a child were you ok going to after school/ breakfast clubs/ childminders/ school holiday clubs?
Did you wish you had a parent at home around to do pick ups? Did you resent them for working all day and not being able to spend as much time with you.

I've just been thinking this as my DM was a sahm and never ever worked bar a little bit of sewing from home. Even though she was around I don't really have memories of spending loads of time with her either. She just sort of did her own thing and I did my own. Im thinking of going back to work now we've had our last and just wondering what it was like from a child's perspective if you can remember. Personally I think it would have been good for DM to have worked pt to build her confidence. I felt she was wasted in the home. (Not saying sahm are wasted btw! But I think it would have really helped her).

Following because I’m about to go back full time.

BelulahBlanca I won't be working till a few months but I'm already wracked with guilt esp for the youngest as she's only 14m. I've been a sahm for 8 years!

Both my parents not only worked but they also studied for OU degrees when they were at home. I felt not a bit of resentment though because they were there when I needed them most. Also we had an amazing childminder who we all adored.

I have no idea how they managed it all with 4 kids but they did and it was fine. As I've grown older I have also come to realise what an inspiration they are to me. Seeing them do it has given me the confidence to study OU and then go back to uni to retrain. I know all this is possible and that you can have a fulfilling work life and kids if both parents work as a team.

@Grumpyy I’m going back in September- she’ll be 11 months. Family are going to have her two days a week, and I’m a teacher so I’ll have 12 weeks holiday with her which is making me feel less guilty.

I'll also add that at them moment I've had to take time off and my daughter still does one breakfast and after-school club a week just because she asked to go. She loves them as they are a chance to play with lots of different children. Really it's not all terrible.

My mum worked nearly full time - one afternoon off. But the weird thing is when I had kids I had to remind myself of that because my memories all feature my mum being around very strongly - she dropped us to school and did one pick up I think, we chatted in the evening and spent a lot of time at the weekends in the garden or eating together. She had enough time to listen to us. We did lots of playing/activities at home.

We went to a childminder and I didn’t love it but I don’t remember hating it or wishing for an alternative. My mum says she remembers me telling her that when I had children I’d pick them up every day so perhaps I resented it a little.

My Dad left very early and got back late so I only really remember seeing him on the weekends. This didn’t bother me at all. We cooked with him and went on walks and stuff so got time with him too.

I’m a sahm now - not by design - and I do worry a bit about the example I’m setting my older kids. I’d like to be able to tell them about things I did in the day that aren’t supermarket shopping and running round with a toddler and I’d like them to see me have a role other than mum.

My parents both worked full time. We had childminders, au pairs etc. It was good. It influences my own parenting - I know it really does take a village, and I also know I don’t ever need to fear one of the other carers ‘replacing’ me.
My mum would have gone nutty without her work.

Both my parents worked. I have to say, mum was great when we were little but when we were teens she had an affair and bogged off, so it is hard to give a fair picture of my overall view on her parenting. However, I would say that whatever her failings as a mum and a person, I have always been proud that she held down a professional career - it is one area of common ground that we share.

So to summarise, my mum working was one of the good things about her as a parent, it goes in the positive not negative column.

PowerBadgersUnite they sound fab!
When you say 'they were there when I needed them the most', what do you exactly mean? This is what I'm worried about- that I won't be able to be there for them when they really need me!

My parents worked and my brother and I went to after school clubs/holiday clubs/summer camps/stage schools...you name it!

They were much more fun than sitting at home. However, I was frequently unwell, resulting in an operation when I was 13. As with most working parents my illness was a HUGE inconvenience and left them scrambling for care (they had no family/local friends) and usually ended up arguing between themselves over who had to stay with me.

As an adult I get it, think my mum was on the brink of losing her job several times and her career massively suffered (90’s/00’s) and it was always at the worst possible times. I remember vividly feeling like the most horrific inconvenience and very guilty! Gave me real long term issues about being unwell!

They didn’t mean to, they didn’t say it to my face...etc but I was perceptive and knew/overheard a lot.

I read a lot of comments on MN from parents in similar situations and whilst I get that it’s awful to worry about your job...etc I just think 🤔 it’s really not the kids fault they’re sick so just deal with it!!!

I was brought up my mum as a single parent and I'm an only child, my dad wasn't around and when he was he was drunk and useless. She worked full time and she went back to uni and did a degree and worked her way up to associate professor at a well regarded university.
While I think she was amazing and have total respect for her, she wasn't there when I was growing up. I was a wild child and basically did what I wanted because there wasn't anyone there to stop me.
I'm now a sahm to four dc and I'm very happy and wouldn't change it unless there was no other option.

I hated the fact my parents worked full time. But then again I was a latch key kid without the key 😂 if they weren't home in time for me getting in id be locked out. I always felt my mother rather be at work than at home with us, she worked loads of hours regardless of the fact she was salaried and when everyone was home we would all be in separate rooms. I had a huge bit of news just before I started comprehensive and just didn't feel i could talk to either of them about it, the news effected them also and my mother went to work rather than be home to potentially face the consequences of the news.

I'm afraid I have to go against the grain here and say I would have preferred it if my mother had stayed at home.
I still recall my younger siblings screaming and crying, one used to also have nosebleeds, at being dropped off at nursery. The older siblings were also expected to look after the younger ones after school, in the evenings and during hollidays. We hardly saw our parents if I'm honest and so felt a bit lost and with out parental guidance much of the time.

Both parents worked full time

They also had a two week holiday every October to Spain which was quite unusual as it was the mid 1970's.
From what I recall I didnt feel strongly one way or another because it was my families normal way of living.
I remember we had plenty of money so we were always the family to have the first of things such as VCR, microwaves, loads of Christmas and birthday presents etc so at the time that was nice but it was made clear that it had to be worked and earned and not to take it for granted.

My parents both worked and I never felt like I missed out. I loved (what little I remember) of nursery and my child minder is still close now. Mum always took us to do things, played with us at weekends (painting pots, soft play etc) and stayed off if we were ill. She came to every important thing, including school sports days etc whilst working long hours. No idea how she did it all actually now, but as a child I knew if I needed her she would be there.

It’s the only thing that keeps me from panicking when I go back to work

For those of you that feel a bit negatively about it, do you think part time would have been a better compromise for everyone?

I confess to taking total advantage of my parents being at work, I used to skip school loads and no one noticed for ages.
I used to put a few bread crumbs on the work surface and a plate and knife in the draining rack so it looked like I'd had some food when I hadn't, never did homework etc.
It wasn't great tbh.

I hated it and it has informed what I do now. We both work but have much more flexibility than my parents did.

Both my parents worked full time, but my DGM lived with us, so I had constant care from her at home. DM was there for us if we needed her. I was a SAHM for my DDs, mostly due to XH wanting me at home and because DD1 had so many health issues. I did some PT work, but it was as and when rather than regular.

I think the answer is to do what suits you and what you can afford at the time.

I'm 42, and my mother went back to work full time when I was four, and my sister was 1. It was more unusual then - by the time I was at school I had a fair few friends whose mothers worked part time, but not full time.

Apparently I was a bit uneasy at first until my mum was home for the evening, but that was probably because I was used to having her at home for four years. I adored the childminder we had and certainly did not resent going there. Later on we switched childminder due to ours moving, and became best friends with the new one's children. We are still good friends today and I view their mum very, very fondly (she moved abroad years ago and I've been out to stay with her since). My sister doesn't remember anything else and she also never resented my mother for going back to work. When we were teenagers we loved that we could let ourselves in after school and didn't have a parent there nagging us until at le4ast 5pm . And when we went to uni we appreciated that our parents had been able to save for it.

I also loved the fact that unlike most of my friends, we could go on holiday abroad once a year. We had two cars (my mum's was a tiny old fiat uno, not a BMW, hardly living the high life but better than many around us could afford). My parents could pay the bills and didn't argue much about money like my friends' did often. But that was a different time - now two FT incomes are needed just to stay afloat and it is much, much more common to have two parents working FT.

God, that's made it sound like I grew up wealthy - we lived in a very poor working class area, so the extra money just meant we didn't rent, didn't panic about bailiffs and could afford a few nice extras!

I really didn't mind at all during term time. My parents didn't want to pay for proper holiday childcare so I hated school holidays - stuck sitting in a back room at my mum's workplace or in the local library all day every day for weeks. But my mum wasn't very nice so I would not have liked being at home with her either.

I didn't realise until a few years ago that my mum was SAHM for 2 years of my childhood - she was full time for the rest - I literally just don't remember that she was around more for a while!

I remember feeling quite "farmed out" a lot, and being passed around the family. I didn't like it, at the time I remember feeling like an inconvenience. But I think it was pretty normal, there were always loads of kids about who's parents were working. We all went a bit off the rails around about 13 when parents started letting us stay home alone, getting our hands on alcohol and smoking. But I think that was a bit of a time and place thing, poorer families in the sticks in the early 90s.

Part time would have been better but personally, and this is just my own opinion, I think being put into childcare, unless with a close relative, pre school age is too young. I understand the difficulty and am in no way criticising mums who return to work early. It's a really tough choice and the way working hours are structured at the moment doesn't help working mum's.

My parents both worked full-time, my dad as a GP and my mum as head of a special school. We had two amazing childminders who came to the house and who I regarded as grannies, as both of ours died before we were born.
We were definitely well looked after and I wouldn't feel we missed out emotionally.
The only part I remember being hard was when mum did a year's studying, which coincided with her menopause.
I was about 16 with pre-teen siblings and I felt I had to do a lot of bed/bath times!
It was a bit of a tense house that year.

I had a mum who worked full-time, I was a SAHM. My GCs by my 3 DCs are cared for by one SAHM, one part time worker and one full time worker. There is absolutely no difference in my GCs. They are all happy and confident children.

Go with what works for your family. I should also add that I was a childminder for 16 years and never saw any detrimental affect on the children of working mums.