If your parents worked full time when you were a child, how did you feel about it?

[grumpyy]

As a child were you ok going to after school/ breakfast clubs/ childminders/ school holiday clubs?
Did you wish you had a parent at home around to do pick ups? Did you resent them for working all day and not being able to spend as much time with you.

I've just been thinking this as my DM was a sahm and never ever worked bar a little bit of sewing from home. Even though she was around I don't really have memories of spending loads of time with her either. She just sort of did her own thing and I did my own. Im thinking of going back to work now we've had our last and just wondering what it was like from a child's perspective if you can remember. Personally I think it would have been good for DM to have worked pt to build her confidence. I felt she was wasted in the home. (Not saying sahm are wasted btw! But I think it would have really helped her).

I was a latchkey kid. Honestly, it sucked. My illnesses were an inconvenience. I was scared to tell my mum if I felt sick, because I knew how stressed it made her scrambling for childcare. I clearly also remember her being a sahp when I was very young before I went back to work. She was there for me and more gentle and I felt more loved. But she was isolated and bored out of her brain (it was the 80s with no internet, no clubs, just boring village life), so I can't blame her for wanting to go back to work.

My parents both worked full time in demanding jobs, and I know they done it for the nice house, holidays etc I had as a child but I hated being in after school clubs, childminders.

It’s one of the reasons I didn’t return to my own business after my dc, I stay home with them. Never will I put them in childcare, once they are at school I’ll return to my business buy on 9am- 3pm hours

I was alone a lot, probably from a younger age than was acceptable really.

Other than that it was fine.

My dad was a teacher but didn’t have to do a lot of work at home and was there to drop us at school (left us to play in the yard at 8.15 so he could get into his school on time) and most pick ups too. We obviously didn’t have to go in any holiday care either as he was off.
My Mam was a nurse though and that really wasn’t a child friendly job. I can remember sitting outside her hospital in the car waiting for her to finish and she was never on time. Her shifts always ran over at least half an hour. When she wasn’t working long days, she was doing nights so we had to be quiet during the day.
I don’t have many memories of her as she didn’t even use to come on holiday with us due to work, it was just us and our dad.
I would have made a great nurse but I didn’t go down that route as I never wanted those memories for my kids.

We did have a good standard of living though and my Mam could always do bank shifts if we needed extra money. We weren’t ever skint like some of my friends.

My mum did pt work at times in our childhood but I’d nearly swear she was there 24/7. Actually she mostly worked around our school hours. But I do remember her starting night nursing and I was furious with her.

Having a nice life is not about whether your mum works or doesn’t, it’s about the type of mum you do have and what she’s like when you are with her.

I work part time. I have a stressful job that doesn’t really fit into part time hours. I leave the office sharp to get the girls and then I work pretty much every night until midnight once the girls are asleep. My girls are 4 and 2. DD1 is going to school this year.

I work three days per week and they are in nursery. They adore nursery. The younger one bounces with excitement on the way down the drive. We have been very lucky to find that nursery I can’t fault it.

We are off today and we are just chilling at home this morning because DD1 had a bad night and she’s very tired. I have a day of annual leave on Friday and I’m taking DD1 out of nursery to spend some one on one time with her (her behaviour hasn’t been great and I feel she needs it just now).

My life would be a million times easier if I worked full time. It would negate the need for evening work (and let’s face it I wouldn’t be wrangling with a two year old on my own two days a week haha). But the girls come first and I feel like we have the absolute best of both worlds right now. It works for us.

Well. Kind of.

Reading that back it sounds like I’m saying people who work full time don’t put their kids first. That is not the case and I don’t believe that. I just feel that this way works for us.

Both my parents worked - in an era when most women didn't. I was sent to nursery and absolutely hated it. My stomach still churns thinking about it now. We drove past the nursery recently and I found it really unsettling.

When I was at school it wasn't much better. I had to go to someone's house or wait in the village by a shop until a parent collected me. Decades on, I can still remember how abandoned I felt.

Both my parents worked full time but my mum worked as CM so she was still at home. She was a very popular CM - very caring. She had time for all the kids, including her own. She still keeps in touch with a lot of the kids.

I think it is rather telling though that one of these kids comes to my mum for advice still, and not her own parents, who she has a difficult relationship with. That kid was at our house from 7am til 6pm every day, and we still call her "our little sister"

My maternal GPs worked full time and my mum and her DB had their own key from a very early age, like primary 1. My gran would leave sandwiches for them, and they knew to go to a neighbour if they needed help. My mum cut her hand once preparing her own food and needed the doctor, so a neighbour took her. My mum bears no resentment and was very close to her mother.

DH and I both work full time, DH works 2 jobs. He always makes time for DD. She adores him. My DM and DMIL help out with childcare. DD is a much loved only child, very confident and sociable and has not suffered at all.

But if something happened to my mum we'd be royally fucked for childcare and I don't know how DD would cope with a CM and out of school care would not be at the right timings. We are very lucky to have the family support that we do.

I knew they had too and it was normal to me. I never resented having to go to grandparents or being home alone. I'm 30 so it was a different time.

It clearly makes a difference if parents put in place a stable and secure childcare set up or not.

My dad always worked full time. My mum stopped work to have me and didn't go back until my little brother was at school. She was a teacher so didn't need childcare, although these days I think she would do. I was proud of them both for everything they achieved. Both came from very poor backgrounds and worked hard to get what they did.

Both my parents worked (& like a PP they also both studied for degrees whilst I was young). Sibling and I were cared for by grandparents and by parents working opposite shifts (until they split up, I wonder if they partly did because they had zero quality time together). I did wish for more time with my mum tbh, it was a rare treat if she picked me up from school (probably happened once a month or so) and I spend more time with my children on a daily basis than she did with me on a weekly basis. I had childhood OCD and lots of MH issues and an eating disorder in my teens and no-one noticed until things got really bad. I was jealous of my friends who had SAHMs, and am now one myself (mostly, I do some work from home).

BUT I appreciate not everyone has the choice. My parents did, but both wanted the mental stimulation of work, and to have a "better" lifestyle (detached house, holidays abroad etc). I'd rather have has time with them (and my kids may well say when they're older they'd rather have had less time with me but gone abroad every year and lived in a bigger house!).

Also i think working parents today are much more involved with their kids than parents in general were in the 80s/90s.

Both of my parents worked full time and I never really thought anything of it as it was always my norm.

I didn't go to childminders much (and the one I did go to had her own little girl my age who I got on with well and it was more like just going to play at my friend's house for a few hours).

My mum worked weekend nights as a nurse and my dad worked away on the other side of pennines mon-fri, but was home for the weekends, so I always had a parent there to do the school run/watch school plays /take me to various extra curriculars etc.

It did make weekends a bit lonely sometimes as I was an only child, and couldn't have friends over because my mum would be asleep in the day, so I was on my own unless I could go to a friend's house (which obviously wasn't always possible/convenient for their parents). That did improve as I got older though and we all got a bit more capable of keeping the noise down.

Having a nice life is not about whether your mum works or doesn’t, it’s about the type of mum you do have and what she’s like when you are with her.

I agree with this.
Also, high quality childcare is so important. Don’t just go for the cheapest option. Go for the homely, warm environment.

By the time my parents put a key out for me I then had to mind my younger brother. My mothers shift could 'end' at 4 but she'd still be there gone 9. I really hated having to look after him, then when a parent did get in if I hadn't done some chores round the house there would be world war 3.

My DM was a SAHM all through my childhood and I loved it. The holidays were genuinely lazy and we never had to get up and go off to activities every day. My DH's DM went back to work as soon as his younger DSis started school and thereafter they had a childminder who picked them up from school and took them home. He said it worked okay and he liked being able to go home, rather than to an after school club. I think if you have to or really want to work it's nicer for the kids to be able to hang out at home than always have to be out somewhere at a club or whatever.

I think it depends if you prioritise your job over your children.

My mum worked full time and had a hobby (think acting) which meant she was out a lot in the evenings and weekends. She also went on holiday without me a lot so I barely saw her. She never came to any school plays etc. Once when I was feverish with tonsillitis aged 8 she left me at home in bed all day, and that was ok because the cleaner was coming

I work full time but in a flexible job which means I can do school drop off and two pick ups a week. I also try and get to some of the school stuff and take my annual leave when DS is off too. I try and get a balance between what he wants and what I need to do to keep sane.

As is said up thread, its what kind of parent you are when you are with your DC that matters.

I remember going to a friends house for tea when I was about 7 or so. They were this big loving family, their mum was lovely and we had a jolly meal around the table all together. This compared to my own household where my dad was always grumpy, meal times were subdued, and Dmum was absent even when she was there because she was always busy with something else. I've no idea if that other mum worked, but it was the time together that was important.

It didn't bother me a bit. It shaped my views on so many things, and my mum and dad were wonderful role models to me.

My (single) mother worked full time and I went to childminders. I didn’t mind at all. I mean I have about two memories of sadness that she couldn’t come on school trips but that was it. When she was home she was very present and fun. When I was 13 she stopped work and was home full time and I found that quite annoying!

I work three long days a week. My kids are looked after by an au pair on those days. I find it the perfect balance say having the release of work I can be really enthusiastic and engaged at home. I do t have the pay once to be home full time and I honestly think we all benefit from some time away from each other so we can really enjoy the time together.

I posted upthread, but have thought about this a bit more.

TBH, the only time I felt a bit abandoned as a child was due to my Dad's work hours, not my Mum's. He was a teacher and had to drop us off at school at 8.00 or just before, so he could drive to work and nip in just in time (and he got plenty comments about arriving last!). Our headteacher had a word and said he couldn;t be dropping us off so early as no one could supervise us, he said 'I;m a teacher, what the hell am I supposed to do, I can't quit my job, can I?'. So we were allowed to sit and read in the corridor until everyone else arrived. That 30-40 mins felt like a long time when I was little! But breakfast clubs etc. just didn't exist back then, it was a mother's job to sort it all!

My mum stayed home until I was about 7 I think, then she went back to work and college. My dad always worked shift work. I never had a childminder. They usually managed to to a drop off or a pick up each. There was a few months at one stage when my mum was on placement when she would drop me to a family friend in the morning before school (probably for a half hour or so) and I would go to school with them. Also my gm was around in the evenings/nights when my parents night shifts clashed. By the time that became more frequent (which was probably once every two weeks or so, do not often)I was 12 and my brother was 14. So then we would stay at a friends house if it was a school night and go to family if it was a weekend. There was no such thing as breakfast clubs or Afterschool clubs in Ireland when I was a kid 😂😂

How did I feel about it? I can honestly say I wasn’t affected in any way it just was the way it was. 🤷‍♀️

When i was at a child minders I didn't really like i think i was upset at times, that was probably 8-10 ish

But then we were moved to another child minder and as i was the oldest and well behaved i was allowed to sit in her living room and read Agatha christie books all day so that was fin, probably 10 -12 ish

And then a little older i was allowed to stay at home, but it was easy for me to wangle days at home because I wasn't well, so that wasnt good!!

This was a long time ago and aprt from the skiving it hasnt really affected...at all, id say

Though having said that With children of 20, 17 and 16 ive never worked more than 9 hours a week ....im not that deep so i doubt it was childhood experience