If your parents worked full time when you were a child, how did you feel about it?

[grumpyy]

As a child were you ok going to after school/ breakfast clubs/ childminders/ school holiday clubs?
Did you wish you had a parent at home around to do pick ups? Did you resent them for working all day and not being able to spend as much time with you.

I've just been thinking this as my DM was a sahm and never ever worked bar a little bit of sewing from home. Even though she was around I don't really have memories of spending loads of time with her either. She just sort of did her own thing and I did my own. Im thinking of going back to work now we've had our last and just wondering what it was like from a child's perspective if you can remember. Personally I think it would have been good for DM to have worked pt to build her confidence. I felt she was wasted in the home. (Not saying sahm are wasted btw! But I think it would have really helped her).

absolutely HATED coming home to an empty house. It was the worst, loneliest thing-even as a teenager.
I used to come home and tidy up and get all the veg prepped for dinner and if i hadn't i would get told off.
Since having kids i have chosen work that means i am always around at the end of the school day. It means i have never earnt very much but my kids are happy and it's made me happy to be able to be there for them.

My mum was a sahm, never went back to work and it was great, but I did worry about her being alone, my dad worked shifts and was home by 3pm!! He did have time consuming hobbies though.

So whilst I loved it I did feel a sense of responsibility, especially as we got older and were out and about all the time I was conscious that my mum was home alone. We were her whole world and whilst that was fantastic, a few friends, a pt job or a hobby would have been nice too.

I have worked part time until dd in secondary, now full time but mostly from home.

I hope my children feel I've always been here, but they aren’t responsible for my life either ...

My dad worked full time, my mum worked part time then she went full time when my younger brother went to secondary, i watched my brother until my mum got home at 4.45pm, i got extra pocket money so i was happy, didnt mind them both working didn't cause any problems, i did the same as my mum went full time when my youngest daughter went to secondary

Oh just thought

My brother was 3 years younger and although he stayed at the childminder for a little while longer he was home earlier because i was

That might have been a bit irritating for both of us!

I was so so jealous of the kids with SAHMs. Their mums were Brownie leaders and classroom volunteers and showed up for everything. I had a fantastic nanny for years and we were comfortable financially but I always wished that my mum was around. Now I look back and I see that she was amazing. She was newly divorced and she had no choice but to go back to work, and she then built a fantastic successful career in a male dominated industry. I am really proud of her and I am so grateful for how she set things up to be able to provide for us in so many ways.

I am well educated and I was working when my DCs were small but only three days a week. It was kind of depressing bc I knew I wasn’t putting in the time to really build a big career yet I still had to do a lot of the juggling working parents do. I decided to leave my job bc my husband got a once in a lifetime opportunity abroad. It’s been incredible for all of us and I don’t regret it but I do worry that my children don’t see me as capable of anything but cooking, shopping, and driving. I wish they didn’t see such traditional gender roles played out in our house but that’s just how it is right now. It’s not what we planned but we are extremely fortunate in many ways, and I am happy. I think almost every mum is going to feel conflicted on some level. You really can’t have it all, but you can choose the balance and compromises that work for you and your family.

Parents worked in demanding jobs too and when I was slightly older 14ish mum was at home for a few years. I preferred that they worked because it made me more sociable and made me independent as i had my chores and after school clubs.

Think both ways are OK it's mainly how you feel about it that matters. I don't think either way would impact negatively on a child it's mainly your own perspective that is affected.

Also I loved our quality time before before mum was always at home as it felt more special whereas afterwards it was constantly there and didn't feel like we were making any fond memories

Both my parents were teachers, and my dsis and I were looked after pre-school by our Godmother. Mum split her salary 50/50 with her.
There were no such thing as breakfast clubs or wrap around care when we went to school. We walked to school, walked back, Godmother got the bus to our house so she'd be there to meet us after school, and got a lift home with her DH, who was my mum's boss, when he dropped mum at home.
I always felt cared for, and of course, we all shared school holidays!

I was a child in the 80s and both my parents worked full time. I didn't realise it at the time but I hated it. In my case I think it was down to the childcare. I have an early memory of being in a creche and being hit over the head by another child. Then at the same place, being shouted at for running out to my mother and leaving the little gate to the play area open.
I had a wonderful child minder until I was 4 then we moved to a different area. I had a few different childminders then until i was 10. Each child minder had their own children and I was often bullied and hit by them (I was a shy sensitive only child). When I was 10 I insisted on staying home by myself so that's what happened! Seems crazy now!
In the long term it was good that my mother worked as it meant we were able to move out of the rough area we lived in during the 80s. I think it's easier to work full time these days as well as jobs offer flex time, parental leave etc and childcare is better regulated. For my mother it was either full time or no job at all.

I am a SAHM my self at the moment but would like to work part time, just can't find anything in my area 🤷‍♀️

Glad. I was scared of my Mum and dreaded the sound of the door opening after her day at work. My Dad was away a lot and I wished he wasn’t because Mum was less likely to lash out if he was around.

My parents came to the UK as refugees and the moment they had their status they were working their butts off to make something for themselves and for us. They worked back to back shifts as care assistants, at the same time my mum was also studying to be a nurse.
They still looked after us, all 5 of us, and we helped looked after each other too. At 11 I was picking up my little brother from his school. This didn't damage me, I had amazing role models who made me believe you don't ever just take something you work for it. It made me responsible. And I am incredibly close to my little brother as a bonus.
For me, working is the only option.

I was embarassed by having a SAHM so when she went to work was v relieved that she wouldn't be home anymore.

Both my parents had ft jobs (very full time in a lot of cases - overnight stays away, long hours, etc) and we had a live in nanny. It worked fantastically and if I wasn't able to work as flexibly as I do now I would definitely want that as my childcare option. We were still very close to DM and had an excellent relationship with her.

I think the thing that made it work so well was that the second either parent walked through the front door, our nanny was off duty and they were 'on'. It meant that they were never emotionally absent from us and we felt like we were 100% their priority when they were there. (We also had their work numbers for when we needed them). And they talked to us about what their working was able to provide for us as well - riding lessons (in London), ski trips, summer holidays, schooling, etc.

OP, in the nicest possible way, the feelings of people who are old enough to be on Mn about their own childhoods, when working lives, childcare options, attitudes to leaving children home alone after school at various ages, and older siblings looking after younger ones, were often quite different, are not really relevant to your decision about working now in 2019.

If a slew of people say they resented it or were miserable, or, alternative, that they loved having two working parents, what difference does it really make to your life, now?

This is interesting. My instinct was to say 'my parents worked full time and I never thought much about it'.

But actually, I have fairly disordered eating, and I can pinpoint that beginning when I had to come home to an empty house. I was petrified of being home alone, utterly petrified, and the only thing I could do was stand in total silence in the kitchen, eating slice after slice of bread.

So in hindsight it's actually impacted my life quite a lot. But I'd never say that to them - how could they have known?

My gran was the one who looked after me. Have some amazing memories of those times.

My dad worked 7 days a week until I was in high school so I very rarely saw him - he was gone when I woke up and I only saw him for about an hour or so each night. We don't have much of a relationship at all although he is a lovely man and has worked incredibly hard to provide for us.
My mum had a higher-paying job than my dad before they had me. She went part-time when she had me and then quit completely after my sister. I couldn't be more grateful as I had a wonderful childhood and she poured her heart and soul into raising us.
That all being said, it's simply not that easy these days. Affording a house and bills on the average salary for one person in this country would mean living quite close to the edge. I guess it depends on how many children you have and what sort of lifestyle you have, but it's much harder now.
Not just that, as a woman who loves her job, I think I will find it very difficult to give up my career. There are many more options these days profession-wise which allow for flexible working, so I think that's an option. What I'm saying is I sympathise. I can't imagine having a childhood with two parents like my dad though - I would have felt abandoned and lonely, even if I understood that it was necessary.

Both my parents worked full time.
Dad worked a mixture of days and nights, mon-fri, and Mum worked Tues-Sat, but I a bit more of a relaxed environment as she worked for herself.
Dad was always around to look after me and Dsis on the Saturdays, and during school holidays we would go to work with Mum and take a ton of colouring books/toys etc and play in the back room. Or we would go to our maternal grandparents’ house.
The only thing I find quite sad now, is that I have few memories of my dad from my early childhood (before the age of about 8 or 9) purely because he was either at work, or asleep so he could go and work a night shift.

Both parents worked FT. My mum had a stellar career till the day she died in her 70s. I had a nanny plus they would each be home a little earlier one day a week. I had no problem with it at all. My parents were hugely committed. They fostered my interests, encouraged my hobbies, read to me constantly (I will some day inherit nearly 7000 books) and when they were home they were there for me. They outsourced a lot of the housework so they could spend time with me. When i went back to work after DS1 my mum told me not to think of quality time but quantity time so that when I was home I wasn’t to plan all kinds of enriching things but just be there for him. I think that was extremely good advice.

I was very proud of my mum’s career and her accomplishments.

My dad was away a lot in the RAF. He was a great Dad though and we adored him.

My mum was a SAHM until I was in late Primary school. At the time I was a little brat and had a tantrum when she said she was going to work full time. I have no idea why, I guess I wanted her at my beck and call.
She went on from a full time job to start a business from scratch and ended up working 6 days a week. She was really good at it. She sold the business when she retired.

Looking back, both my parents were a fabulous influence on me, my mum especially. Her work ethic and sense of risk and creativity has seeped into my own life for the positive.

I've worked full time since my dcs were babies however I work for myself from home so I guess it's a bit different. I used a fabulous CM a lot who has become a close family friend.

To be honest, when they were tiny they were happy to go anywhere, with anyone they knew/trusted. It's now they're teens that I'm finding it hard. The time I need to spend with them, emotionally supporting them, facilitating their social lives, keeping in the loop with school. I'm more exhausted than ever.

Settlersofcatan that sounds awful. In what way was your mum not nice?

I'm watching with interest. I've been a SAHM for 5 years now while also studying so I can hopefully get a better paid job. I'm dreading going back to work and leaving my DD but I also feel like a shit mum because I find being home boring if I'm honest. I love my DD but I really miss having my own thing to do outside the home and really miss having my own money. I sometimes feel I would be a better mum if I wasn't here so much! I find I'd probably be more motivated to do more activities or play with her more than I currently do.

My parents both worked FT - mum was a teacher (so holidays with us, but couldn't be at any school events), dad worked in a factory where he had fixed holidays which didn't coincide with school holidays at all.
I had a great childhood, and have very fond memories of the old lady I used to go to after school - drinking milky coffee in front of the Young Doctors!
FWIW, I've always been a FT WOHM, and at 12 DS seems pretty happy about things.

I didn’t really know any different so I don’t think I ever felt I was missing out on anything. We had (mostly) great childminders who we loved. I remember my mum getting to some assemblies and prize giving shows at primary school.

The one thing I do remember was my mum was always stressed when she was at home. but I think that was her personality and trying to be a martyr rather than due to simply working full time. My dad did a lot at home (and we had a small holding too that he did all the work on) and worked full time as a tradesman but he was just a jolly man when he was at home. Two different personalities I guess.

I don’t think both parents working full time had any negative impact on me or my sister. Financially it gave us a very comfortable life.

I hated it but my parents were awful about it. So like a PP I wasn't given a key so would be told a time to be home by (say 6pm) and was expected to be there at that time. However often my parents wouldn't rock up until 7 or even later. In the summer I would sit in the garden and read and it wasn't so awful. In the winter I would be stood in the rain and the dark on my own. When younger I was in after school club and was always the last to be picked up which I also really hated.

My parents also brought a lot of work home so I never really had time with them. It has definitely coloured how I am parenting DS in that as he is approaching school age I have secured myself a job in a school which will enable me to pick him up from school everyday and have the holidays off with him. It has cost me my career but it's the right choice for my family.

Before the age of 7 - I don't remember it ever dawning on me that there were any other options. It was just how things were. I loved my childminder a lot, and I think pre-school years with her were probably happier than they would have been at home with my mum, as DM wasn't into doing much with me (I don't mean that in a bad way, she just wasn't the type to join in), and at the childminder's we were a group of four girls close in age, and she was very hands on with crafts, games, books, art, library trips etc.

After 7 - I became a latchkey kid, so no more childminder or any after school clubs or anything like that. My parents left for work before I'd leave to school, and would come home again in time to cook dinner. In the meantime I was on my own. I was both fiercely proud of being "independent" and very scared of being on my own. It really wasn't a great set up in hindsight. I always tried to hoist myself onto any friends who'd have me over after school, or hung around outside, or distracted myself with endless VHS films/shows and snacks. I don't think I'd have wanted my parents to suddenly be there (as the atmosphere wasn't always great at home when they were), but some structure and security would probably have been for the best.

My dad was AWOL when we were kids, my mum worked a million jobs to keep a roof over our heads, and make sure we never went without. She was also studying to be a nurse to make a better life for all of us. I have hugeee respect for her now, and cannot even imagine how hard it must have been for her. She truly is inspirational and I feel I had a good childhood looking back. BUT... growing up, I hugely resented the fact I didn't get to see much of her, had to rely on babysitters to pick us up from school, and spent alot of time with grandparents and when older, with my older bro "in charge" which was always fun... Not! I was so envious of friends with working dads and sahmums. I obviously understand now that my mum had no alternatives, apart from giving up our home and living off benefits which she refused to do, and I'm so grateful for, but at the time I missed her terribly, hated the fact I had no choice but to eother attend summer camps or stay home while my brother called the shots/camp out at friends houses as much as possible. The holidays were the hardest as I'd notice more how much she wasn't around, and used to spend alot of time with one particular friend as she had a sahm who would take us places and make us lunch. From an early age we were expected to make our own lunch and look after ourselves, as my mum just wasn't there to do it. I don't think it did me any harm in the long run, I was far more independent than my friend who's mum did everything for her, but I did love going there and letting her make us lunch and do little mum things, that made me feel like a princess! It probably didn't help that I came from a group of 2 parent friends so I always compared how different our situation was. I don't resent my mum at all, I know she worked herself silly to provide a better life for us all, and am extremely grateful for everything she did. But I also feel extremely grateful that as a mum myself, right now I have the option to be a sahm and be there 24/7 for my dc. I do work (very) part time, and will hopefully work school hours once the dc are both in full time school, but I want to do the school runs, pack their lunches, and be there to help with their homework. I want to be able to take them for treats after school, and the lack of pay check will be worth it for me, and hopefully my dc. I know this is not an option for everyone, and completely understand that everyone has to do what is right for their situation. It's a balancing act that's for sure!! I have hugeeeee respect for sahms, full time working mum's, part-time working mum's, as we're all just trying to do our best for our families. x